The Best advice

The best advice I have ever recieved is a simple one word that we should do by reflex and yet when things get really hectic, we sometimes forget. I called a friend one day when things were reallyu bad and she listened and then said that one word that I still remind myself of every day when I wake up feeling like that 600 lb weight is on my chest...BREATHE!

My life for almost five years now has been balancing on the edge of my worst fear which is losing my hubby. We still visit the emergency room, live our lives by the way he feels on any given day and get frightened at the possibilities. Recently his left arm has been going numb, he has been feeling nauscous and is tired all the time. Breathe!

He looks pale and his hair is going grey like overnight...breathe. Good advice. It really is but even the best advice is sometimes not enough to stop living in fear of losing him. I am only half of who I am without him and when I look at him, I am reminded of that and the fact that he is not the same as he was and never again will be. But back to the best advice...

The best advice in the world is not going to chenge you unless you genuinely feel it inside yourself. To hear someone say it to you is reassuring for a while but I can tell you that at 4 am when you lie there in the darkness and the scarey thoughts consume you, it is difficult to hear the reassurance and to hear the posisivity and it is difficult to breathe.

Maybe a post it on the headboard would help. Maybe a recording that I could play for myself and maybe just to wake one morning and look at him and know he isnt struggling through all the things we take for granted. Maybe all this would help, I dont know. I live in the moment and in this moment, I am frightened. So the view from the back of my horse is the best advice I have ever gotten and I pass it on to you. No matter how bad it seems, it could be worst and no matter how bad it actually gets, we have to remind each other and ourselves... to breathe.
Blessings
Tena