Thursday, March 26, 2009

Walking Away

Mothers and daughters can sometimes be a difficult relationship. It has to be based on trust and love and respect and it has to be bonded together with a strength that can endure anything life throws at it.

I have two daughters and I would lay down my own life for either one of them. The decisions I have made in their lives may not have always been the best ones but each has been made with their best interest at heart. Today, my heart is heavy with worry about my youngest, Jennifer. Her Crohns disease has gotten the best of her so I made the decision to contact the best doctor I could find and drove her 10 or so hours to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester Minnesota. After a lengthy consultation, Dr. Kane decied that Jen needed to be admitted in St. Mary's hospital there. Financially, I had traveled there on a wing and a prayer along with a few donations from people who know what this family has been through lately. Jen and I went back to the hotel, dumped our suitcases and made her one good one out of what was still clean and admitted her.

Then came one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do...leave her there. I left her with clean clothes, the last of the money aside from the gas money that I needed to get home, kissed her goodbye and drove back to Ohio by myself because we couldnt afford the hotel and expenses to stay. I cried all the way through Minnesota and Wisconsin and part of Illinois. She was so strong and understood why I had to come home but I was jello. We had been awake most of the night before because she was so sick. Vomiting and crying and I was helpless to do anything about it.

I sit here this morning with such a heavy heart because it is totally out of my nature to walk away from anyone I love when they are in trouble. After my husband was diagnosed with his illness and he had three strokes, two back surgeries and two open heart surgeries, he barely survived and came out of it with two metal valves and a pacemaker. He was so sick that they wanted to put him in a rest home and it was Jennifer that spent months helping me take care of him so he could be home instead. Now she is so sick and I had to walk away. They say money is the root of all evil and today I feel that firsthand because it is keeping me from being with my daughter.

I have sold so many things and have had to make so many sacrifices to keep up and have worked so hard. I am tired and have run out of options. I want to be there but have to be here. I want our family to be given a repreive from this chaos of medical problems and most of all, I want to sleep knowing she is all right and this heavy weight to be lifted off our shoulders. She is not only my daughter but my friend and she is so sick that I barely recognize her anymore. She deserves a happy life with her new husband and her dog, Capone in their little apartment and she deserves to be healthy again. Walking away was impossible to do and all I really want is to walk away with her and have this nightmare behind us.

So the view from the back of my horse today is the Mayo clinic in Minnesota who is caring for Jennifer and I can tell you that the view is a long one because right now it seems a world away from me. Please send your prayers to them and to her until she is home again.

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