The View From The Back Of My Horse

Greetings,

The view from the back of my horse is one that encompasses many different aspects of the world. It is my way of expressing opinions on issues that I find important, an opportunity to give you a look into my world, discussing the day to day life of someone who has really experienced a lot of joy and turmoil, highs and lows, success and failures and has come out on the other side, a better person. I write books. That is my job and I feel fortunate to have a job where I can sit aroundin my pajama pants and hoodies and do what I love to do. I do have bosses and I have people that depend on me so it is no different than any other job. I find it ironic the way people percieve an author. It is a common misconception that you write a book and you experience instant fame and fortune. This is truly not the case. It is hard work and determination and believing in yourself and your abilities. I will give you an example...

As part of my job as an author, I promote my books by appearing at book signings and equine events to present seminars and one particular one was Equine Affaire in Kentucky a few years ago. My husband Bear whom I love with all my heart was very sick. After a simple tooth extraction, it was discovered that an infection from the tooth had traveled to his heart, brain and spine resulting in three strokes, two back surgeries and an open heart surgery where they replaced his aortic and mitral valves with metal ones and gave him a pacemaker to which he depended on to make his heart beat at all. We were all very tired both physically and emotionally from the ordeal. He was home and in stable condition and I was under contract to go to Kentucky for three days. Our daughter and a visiting nurse convinced me that I had to go. We were heavily in debt and I needed to promote the book.

I cried on the plane which was a back up flight after I missed the first one, I cried on the drive to the event because I was there alone and wanted so badly to be home and finally managed to get there and get my act together and present my first seminar. Afterwards, I was sitting at a table with a stack of my books signing them and chatting with people when a woman came up and introduced herself. She bought a book and while I was signing it, she said "My goodness, it must be so glamorous to be an author and to be rich and famous, I wish I was you". Well let me tell you honestly, at that moment in my life, I wished she was me too. I wished that I could be anyone else in the world. Life was so incredibly bittersweet!

My point is that we tend to percieve people in the spotlight as having these perfect lives when their lives are just as normal and sometimes as difficult as our own. I returned from Kentucky and was scheduled to be in Massachusetts next. Bear was not getting better and despite the constant reassurance of many doctors, I knew my husband and I knew he was not getting better. I convinced him to allow me to take him to Cleveland clinic for a second opinion. They performed several tests and the result was that one of the valves that had been placed was too small and the tissue surrounding it was tearing away from the metal valve causing leakage of blood and he was in congestive heart failure. On the day we were supposed to board the plane to Massachusetts, we were once again sitting in the hospital while he was in a second open heart surgery. While we were waiting, I went to the records of the hospital and pulled a copy of the surgical report from the first open heart surgery. In the doctors statement, it described how he measured the area for a size 27 valve. Later in the report, it clearly states that he placed a size 23 valve. Too small!

The view from the back of my horse clearly showed me that this was a problem and as a result, I might lose the one person in my life that I loved beyond the boundaries of anything or anyone that was important to me. I couldn't breathe. We had been through so much and now it came down to one mistake that could cost him his life.

I will continue to share this and other stories such as this with you but I wanted to dedicate this first blog to the woman who "wished she was me". Be happy with who you are and what you do and know that beneath what seems like a perfect life is a life with as many ups and downs as you experience. Welcome to my blog and I hope you stay with me and follow me through my life as a wife, mother and author and that you enjoy the view from the back of my horse.

Blessings
Tena