Recently, my friend Laura and I had a conversation about the dilema my family has experienced. Its been a long road for us and most recently, my friend and web site devoloper Michelle, set up a family fund for us to help pay medical expenses.
Laura and Jeff are two of the most wonderful friends a person can have and they have been with us for many years through thick and thin. Laura answered Michelles call and donated money into the account that has been set up. It felt strange. Not because I didn't appreciate the help but rather because I have never asked for help before. As a horse person, I have always instructed people that if they need help with their horse, do not be afraid to ask for help and yet here I was, needing help and at the same time afraid to take it.
It has been a long hard road trying to stay on top of all that has happened to us by myself and there is such a relief in knowing that there are actually people who are willing to help.
I am struggling with the fact that it feels so much better to give than to recieveand yet here I am in a place deeper than I ever even thought possible and needing the help and questioning it and feeling uncomfortable about it. I owe Laura a huge appology and a great big thank you.
I love you for helping me and I love you for caring about all of us. You are a good friend more like a sister and I want to take a moment to thank everyone who has come to our aid and have cared enough to help.
I just got off the phone with my friend Holly from Americas Horse magazine who wrote a beautiful article about our experience and it will be in the June issue coming out in the middle of May. Thank you Holly, Michelle, Laura and every other friend who has my back right now. You are all the light at the end of the tunnel and on this cold windy Monday, you are the view from the back of my horse...I love you.
Blessings
Tena
Showing posts with label horses. Show all posts
Showing posts with label horses. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Walking Away
Mothers and daughters can sometimes be a difficult relationship. It has to be based on trust and love and respect and it has to be bonded together with a strength that can endure anything life throws at it.
I have two daughters and I would lay down my own life for either one of them. The decisions I have made in their lives may not have always been the best ones but each has been made with their best interest at heart. Today, my heart is heavy with worry about my youngest, Jennifer. Her Crohns disease has gotten the best of her so I made the decision to contact the best doctor I could find and drove her 10 or so hours to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester Minnesota. After a lengthy consultation, Dr. Kane decied that Jen needed to be admitted in St. Mary's hospital there. Financially, I had traveled there on a wing and a prayer along with a few donations from people who know what this family has been through lately. Jen and I went back to the hotel, dumped our suitcases and made her one good one out of what was still clean and admitted her.
Then came one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do...leave her there. I left her with clean clothes, the last of the money aside from the gas money that I needed to get home, kissed her goodbye and drove back to Ohio by myself because we couldnt afford the hotel and expenses to stay. I cried all the way through Minnesota and Wisconsin and part of Illinois. She was so strong and understood why I had to come home but I was jello. We had been awake most of the night before because she was so sick. Vomiting and crying and I was helpless to do anything about it.
I sit here this morning with such a heavy heart because it is totally out of my nature to walk away from anyone I love when they are in trouble. After my husband was diagnosed with his illness and he had three strokes, two back surgeries and two open heart surgeries, he barely survived and came out of it with two metal valves and a pacemaker. He was so sick that they wanted to put him in a rest home and it was Jennifer that spent months helping me take care of him so he could be home instead. Now she is so sick and I had to walk away. They say money is the root of all evil and today I feel that firsthand because it is keeping me from being with my daughter.
I have sold so many things and have had to make so many sacrifices to keep up and have worked so hard. I am tired and have run out of options. I want to be there but have to be here. I want our family to be given a repreive from this chaos of medical problems and most of all, I want to sleep knowing she is all right and this heavy weight to be lifted off our shoulders. She is not only my daughter but my friend and she is so sick that I barely recognize her anymore. She deserves a happy life with her new husband and her dog, Capone in their little apartment and she deserves to be healthy again. Walking away was impossible to do and all I really want is to walk away with her and have this nightmare behind us.
So the view from the back of my horse today is the Mayo clinic in Minnesota who is caring for Jennifer and I can tell you that the view is a long one because right now it seems a world away from me. Please send your prayers to them and to her until she is home again.
Thanks
Blessings
Tena
I have two daughters and I would lay down my own life for either one of them. The decisions I have made in their lives may not have always been the best ones but each has been made with their best interest at heart. Today, my heart is heavy with worry about my youngest, Jennifer. Her Crohns disease has gotten the best of her so I made the decision to contact the best doctor I could find and drove her 10 or so hours to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester Minnesota. After a lengthy consultation, Dr. Kane decied that Jen needed to be admitted in St. Mary's hospital there. Financially, I had traveled there on a wing and a prayer along with a few donations from people who know what this family has been through lately. Jen and I went back to the hotel, dumped our suitcases and made her one good one out of what was still clean and admitted her.
Then came one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do...leave her there. I left her with clean clothes, the last of the money aside from the gas money that I needed to get home, kissed her goodbye and drove back to Ohio by myself because we couldnt afford the hotel and expenses to stay. I cried all the way through Minnesota and Wisconsin and part of Illinois. She was so strong and understood why I had to come home but I was jello. We had been awake most of the night before because she was so sick. Vomiting and crying and I was helpless to do anything about it.
I sit here this morning with such a heavy heart because it is totally out of my nature to walk away from anyone I love when they are in trouble. After my husband was diagnosed with his illness and he had three strokes, two back surgeries and two open heart surgeries, he barely survived and came out of it with two metal valves and a pacemaker. He was so sick that they wanted to put him in a rest home and it was Jennifer that spent months helping me take care of him so he could be home instead. Now she is so sick and I had to walk away. They say money is the root of all evil and today I feel that firsthand because it is keeping me from being with my daughter.
I have sold so many things and have had to make so many sacrifices to keep up and have worked so hard. I am tired and have run out of options. I want to be there but have to be here. I want our family to be given a repreive from this chaos of medical problems and most of all, I want to sleep knowing she is all right and this heavy weight to be lifted off our shoulders. She is not only my daughter but my friend and she is so sick that I barely recognize her anymore. She deserves a happy life with her new husband and her dog, Capone in their little apartment and she deserves to be healthy again. Walking away was impossible to do and all I really want is to walk away with her and have this nightmare behind us.
So the view from the back of my horse today is the Mayo clinic in Minnesota who is caring for Jennifer and I can tell you that the view is a long one because right now it seems a world away from me. Please send your prayers to them and to her until she is home again.
Thanks
Blessings
Tena
Thursday, November 6, 2008
What is Important
The view from the back of my horse today is what is important. In the worst of circumstances, the power to see the positive side of any situation.
My friend Shannon tied a horse to a gate, the horse spooked, dragging the gate and injuring himself and Shannon in the process. Shan has a broken back and pelvic bone, the horse had a few staples . Tying horses to moveable objects is never a great idea but what is important is that neither of them were killed.
As my 50th birthday approaches, I must admit that it bothers me because I really wanted to do something special to mark the occasion. Time and finances won't allow me to go on a cruise or have a big blowout party but I have a husband who tries to make me happy with smaller gestures and what is important is that I almost lost him once and the good Lord let me keep him on this earth a little bit longer and that is what is important. That he loves me enough to want to celebrate my birthday and he is here.
In training our gelding, Hootie, I have worked in the round pen for quite some time getting him over his fear of basically everything that frightens him. I was frustrated beyond belief because I have waited three years to be able to ride this horse that I have raised from the day he was born. Everytime I tried to put my foot in the stirrup, he would bolt. I grew tired and took a break but never left the round pen because I didn't want to end the session on a bad note. I sat on a barrel in the middle of the pen and something wonderful happened.
As I sat there, I looked around at a day that was perfect. It is Indian Summer here in Ohio and the temperatures are high and the sky was blue and leaves continue to fall creating a blanket of reds and yellows and oranges and it occurred to me that what was important here was that I have the ability to get this horse past this hump after years of working with horses. What is most important is that if I stop rushing the process and allow him to figure it out on his own time, I will have created a horse that I will enjoy for years to come.
As I sat there in my frustration admiring the beauty around me, he walked over to me as if to say "be patient, I am frightened and I need your guidance." I traced the lines around his eyes with my fingertips and stroked his beautiful black mane and just "visited"with him. Once I calmed down, he calmed down and the lesson continued. NO, today was not the day that I would take my first ride on his back but what was important was that it reminded me of why I love horses in the first place. I was reminded how fortunate I am to have them in my life and that the day will come when he is ready for this big step and I don't want to rush him. Something tells me that there may be six inches of snow on the ground before he comfortably accepts me as his rider and these frustrating days will have been forgotten but what is important now is patience.
In the darkest, most frustrating times, we have to remember what is important in life and cling to it. I sent Shannon a care package of halloween candy, magazines and other things and as the days of indian summer come to an end I will continue to patiently work with this horse as often as time allows and just enjoy it for what it is and remember what is important.
Blessings
Tena
My friend Shannon tied a horse to a gate, the horse spooked, dragging the gate and injuring himself and Shannon in the process. Shan has a broken back and pelvic bone, the horse had a few staples . Tying horses to moveable objects is never a great idea but what is important is that neither of them were killed.
As my 50th birthday approaches, I must admit that it bothers me because I really wanted to do something special to mark the occasion. Time and finances won't allow me to go on a cruise or have a big blowout party but I have a husband who tries to make me happy with smaller gestures and what is important is that I almost lost him once and the good Lord let me keep him on this earth a little bit longer and that is what is important. That he loves me enough to want to celebrate my birthday and he is here.
In training our gelding, Hootie, I have worked in the round pen for quite some time getting him over his fear of basically everything that frightens him. I was frustrated beyond belief because I have waited three years to be able to ride this horse that I have raised from the day he was born. Everytime I tried to put my foot in the stirrup, he would bolt. I grew tired and took a break but never left the round pen because I didn't want to end the session on a bad note. I sat on a barrel in the middle of the pen and something wonderful happened.
As I sat there, I looked around at a day that was perfect. It is Indian Summer here in Ohio and the temperatures are high and the sky was blue and leaves continue to fall creating a blanket of reds and yellows and oranges and it occurred to me that what was important here was that I have the ability to get this horse past this hump after years of working with horses. What is most important is that if I stop rushing the process and allow him to figure it out on his own time, I will have created a horse that I will enjoy for years to come.
As I sat there in my frustration admiring the beauty around me, he walked over to me as if to say "be patient, I am frightened and I need your guidance." I traced the lines around his eyes with my fingertips and stroked his beautiful black mane and just "visited"with him. Once I calmed down, he calmed down and the lesson continued. NO, today was not the day that I would take my first ride on his back but what was important was that it reminded me of why I love horses in the first place. I was reminded how fortunate I am to have them in my life and that the day will come when he is ready for this big step and I don't want to rush him. Something tells me that there may be six inches of snow on the ground before he comfortably accepts me as his rider and these frustrating days will have been forgotten but what is important now is patience.
In the darkest, most frustrating times, we have to remember what is important in life and cling to it. I sent Shannon a care package of halloween candy, magazines and other things and as the days of indian summer come to an end I will continue to patiently work with this horse as often as time allows and just enjoy it for what it is and remember what is important.
Blessings
Tena
Friday, October 24, 2008
Friends, Favors and Falling Trees
Wow! Almost November and I've realized that it has been over a month since I have posted on this blog. I appologize. Let's catch up!
I learned yesterday from Roxane Cerda, my editor that The Horses We Love, The Lessons We Learn is going into reprint and am very excited about it. My friend Biggun, Duane, has been really sick and in the hospital and our thoughts and prayers go out to him. Tommy in Columbus was out riding his horse with his wife and stopped talking suddenly, got down off the horse and dropped dead from an aneurism. Prayers to his family as he was only 46. Drove down to Congress and spent time with Jeff and Laura Stratton and the Murnan Road crew. Beautiful new babies, birthdays and beers. I love them and always have a great time down there. Speaking of birthdays, I turn the big 5 0 in three weeks! Yikes.
A funny thing happened yesterday that scared the hell out of me. Our good friend Rusty and his brother in law Kyle came overto take down some cherry trees in the pasture as a favor to us. ( So nice to have friends that you can call on now and again.) We just signed for a nice Ford F150, cherry red, for the hubby and have only had it a couple days. Rusty drives a smaller truck that got stuck trying to pull down one of the really big trees. Sooooo with hubby at work, I pulled his new truck into the pasture and the guys proceeded to tie ropes to it. I put it in gear and hit the gas. Just then, the two cute little boys in the truck with me started a conversation and I heard Rusty holler what sounded like "WHOA!" so I stopped. "Go, Go, Go!", he yelled. Oops!
Now to a horse person, go sounds a lot like whoa and I am sure you can see my confusion. The next sound I heard was a huge crash that seemed to echoe through the woods. All the horses in the next pasture scattered and I turned to see the huge tree on top of the run through shed. Again, oops! Apparently when I stopped, the tree shifted and fell in the wrong direction. The round pen lost a few rails and I can tell you that there is now a skylight in the roof of the shed.
Bear estimates that it is going to cost about $500 to fix it but if there is one thing I have learned is that things could always be worst. The truck is still in tact and no one was hurt. People are so much more important than things. Sheds are replaceable and people aren't. I guess I am just not good at things like falling trees and power tools (see earlier post about routing my finger to the bone and skin graft surgery) but I will keep trying. The view from the back of my horse shows me that trees take up way less space when they are standing upright instead of lying all over my pasture but I thank Rusty and Kyle for the favor and for being good friends and I hope that cherry wood keeps them warm all winter long.
P.S. I wonder if Caribou Barbie cuts down her own trees.
Blessings
Tena
I learned yesterday from Roxane Cerda, my editor that The Horses We Love, The Lessons We Learn is going into reprint and am very excited about it. My friend Biggun, Duane, has been really sick and in the hospital and our thoughts and prayers go out to him. Tommy in Columbus was out riding his horse with his wife and stopped talking suddenly, got down off the horse and dropped dead from an aneurism. Prayers to his family as he was only 46. Drove down to Congress and spent time with Jeff and Laura Stratton and the Murnan Road crew. Beautiful new babies, birthdays and beers. I love them and always have a great time down there. Speaking of birthdays, I turn the big 5 0 in three weeks! Yikes.
A funny thing happened yesterday that scared the hell out of me. Our good friend Rusty and his brother in law Kyle came overto take down some cherry trees in the pasture as a favor to us. ( So nice to have friends that you can call on now and again.) We just signed for a nice Ford F150, cherry red, for the hubby and have only had it a couple days. Rusty drives a smaller truck that got stuck trying to pull down one of the really big trees. Sooooo with hubby at work, I pulled his new truck into the pasture and the guys proceeded to tie ropes to it. I put it in gear and hit the gas. Just then, the two cute little boys in the truck with me started a conversation and I heard Rusty holler what sounded like "WHOA!" so I stopped. "Go, Go, Go!", he yelled. Oops!
Now to a horse person, go sounds a lot like whoa and I am sure you can see my confusion. The next sound I heard was a huge crash that seemed to echoe through the woods. All the horses in the next pasture scattered and I turned to see the huge tree on top of the run through shed. Again, oops! Apparently when I stopped, the tree shifted and fell in the wrong direction. The round pen lost a few rails and I can tell you that there is now a skylight in the roof of the shed.
Bear estimates that it is going to cost about $500 to fix it but if there is one thing I have learned is that things could always be worst. The truck is still in tact and no one was hurt. People are so much more important than things. Sheds are replaceable and people aren't. I guess I am just not good at things like falling trees and power tools (see earlier post about routing my finger to the bone and skin graft surgery) but I will keep trying. The view from the back of my horse shows me that trees take up way less space when they are standing upright instead of lying all over my pasture but I thank Rusty and Kyle for the favor and for being good friends and I hope that cherry wood keeps them warm all winter long.
P.S. I wonder if Caribou Barbie cuts down her own trees.
Blessings
Tena
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