Spring is upon us. Years ago, my friend Lisa and I were in charge of the big spring blow out ad for the local newspaper advertising the paint that was on sale at the store where we worked. It became a joke between us that instead of coming up with something original, each year the ad began with that same tag line. It seemed to work and was quick and no one was the wiser.
The arrival of spring shows its signs different ways to different people. The first flower, the buds on the trees, the first robin, etc. For horse people however, the first signs of spring are things that most people would not even notice. The snow turns to mud and the slop in our pastures makes way to green grass. The fat that has kept our horses warm all winter turns to muscle before our very eyes as we struggle to lose our own fat that has come from riding less during the cold winter months. We pray for rain so the price of hay goes down and then we pray for less rain so the hay doesnt mold in the fields come bailing time. Longer days allow us to get more things done and we sit for hours cleaning and conditioning the endless leather goods that come with having horses in our lives. Breeding and foaling season make the excitement in the barn a never ending flurry of activity. All of these things signal the end of winter and the new hope of spring and at the top of the list is this.
SHEDDING! As the days get longer and the weather a little warmer, the challenge begins. We know that under that dull winter coat caked with mud is a shiny, smooth summer coat that is waiting to be found. We know it is there because when the horses lay down to roll, they leave behind a pile of hair that looks as though there is an extra horse in the pasture. Oh yes, we can cheat and cheat we do by double worming them in an effort to push the process. We can blanket them to sweat it out. We add supplements to their feed with the promise of a shiny coat but in the end we know that the answer is elbow grease. It is taking a rubber curry and a shedding blade and spending hours brushing them. That is the only way to find that summer coat. We know that most of that hair is going to end up covering our gloves and jackets and blowing across the round pen for the birds to collect and use in their nests. We find great joy when we get that rare day that is warm enough to pull out all the stops and actually bathe the horses because as they dry and the sun shines on them, we can actually see spots of the new coat. Still, there are patches of the old lighter coat that remain and the brushing becomes a challenge of getting rid of these mangey looking areas. Only then is spring truly here.
The view from the back of my horse is the cloud of hair that he leaves behind as he sheds out his winter coat and reminds me of the beautiful horse that I know and love. Spring is upon us, everyone and that means it is time to break out the curry brush and get busy. Don't even get me started on the time it is going to take to comb the knots out of that mane and tail!
Blessings
Tena
Monday, March 24, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Cats, cousins and Contests
Thanks Michelle for linking this blog to my site so I can share thoughts with those who come to visit. That said, I am dizzy today. No really, dizzier than usual because apparently I have a viral infection that has spread to my middle ear and glands. They have me on steroids for 10 days so this is the view from my horse while dizzy and on steroids! Lucky you.
Cats...
Yesterday, I ventured out to the barn to find an unnamed barn cat walking backwards. Ok, I know what you are thinking, steroids and dizzy...no! She was walking backwards and then running into the tree. Walking backwards and running into the barn. As I got closer, it became all too clear why she was acting dizzier than me. She had a JIF peanut butter jar covering her head. It was on there tight and as she breathed, the clear plastic grew cloudy from her breath and as she tried to breathe in, it would clear. I convinced her to allow me to pick her up but once I grabbed hold of the jar, all hell broke loose. It was on there really, really tight! She attacked me and actually drew blood so I let go of her. As she staggered into the corral to the neighbors house, I called for back up. Our dear friends Mary and Sherry next door who proceeded to catch the cat again and cut the peanut butter jar off her head. So the cat finally has a name...JARHEAD. I wonder if JIF knows about this. Life is wierd, moving on...
Cousins...
This morning I am sitting here with my mind racing and fever blaring when the phone rings. It is approximately 9am. A really friendly male voice on the other end informs me that he started reading one of my books at 3am and has just finished. His name was Marvin Bastian from Franklin Tennessee and he wanted to know if we were related. Now I suppose we are related somewhere down the pike but for the life of me, I cant figure out how. I am still trying to figure out why he was reading instead of sleeping. Bear and I visited Franklin once and felt right at home so maybe thats why. So Marvin was really nice and we talked for a long time and I hung up wondering if he realized how sick I was. More importantly, if I said anything to embarass myself, I appologize. So Marvin, even if we arent really cousins, I think we are now. We will meet ya in the little diner in Leapers Fork across the road from the General Lee car and the outside movie screen. Keep in touch cousin!
Contests...
Idle minds and steroids are a really bad combination. I mentioned in an earlier blog that Dove chocolates was holding a contest for the best expression of love phrase and the prize was a beautiful bracelet. Sitting here this morning in my jammies and hoodie with my tissues and the remote, I got a little bored. I have followed this contest for months. The reason is that I am a writer and I like to write slogans for fun. I have created an entire advertising campaign for Wendys and another for Harley Davidson. No really, the only difference is that I usually keep them to myself. I did share the one for Wendys with my friend Laura who works for Wendys but other than that, I keep them to myself. Ok, that is where the steriods come in. So I have been following this contest and going to the site every few days because I really, really want that bracelet! Today, I surf on over and guess what? It's gone. The site is there but the contest is gone, it's over! There is no list of winners and I havent been called to be told that my beautiful bracelet is on its way to me. Soooooo I pick up the phone and call the MARS company who makes Dove chocolates and I ask a simple question... "Who won the pretty bracelet in the contest?" She says "What contest?"
"What contest?!" Is she kidding? You know, the one that I grew obsessed with and entered and dreamed about winning. That contest, of course. So I proceed to tell this poor customer service rep the story of how my husband used to bring me Dove chocolates to tell me he loved me and how he almost died and had to have two open heart surgeries and had three strokes and two back surgeries and how much hell our life was and how I knew it was over and everything was all right because he brought me a Dove chocolate. I know, I know but I really loved that bracelet! If someone is going to hold a contest, they should at least tell us who won, right?
So anyway, Bear will be home soon to take away the phone I am sure. I feel like Poo, JARHEAD is free of the peanut butter jar, I have a new cousin named Marvin in Tennessee I still have a fever and I still have to take the steroids for another nine days and (I still have my cell phone.) Tee Hee. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. I am sick so if you are as bored as I am, pick up your phone and give me a call. Or better yet, call Dove and tell them I want my bracelet. Going to sleep now.
Blessings
Tena
Cats...
Yesterday, I ventured out to the barn to find an unnamed barn cat walking backwards. Ok, I know what you are thinking, steroids and dizzy...no! She was walking backwards and then running into the tree. Walking backwards and running into the barn. As I got closer, it became all too clear why she was acting dizzier than me. She had a JIF peanut butter jar covering her head. It was on there tight and as she breathed, the clear plastic grew cloudy from her breath and as she tried to breathe in, it would clear. I convinced her to allow me to pick her up but once I grabbed hold of the jar, all hell broke loose. It was on there really, really tight! She attacked me and actually drew blood so I let go of her. As she staggered into the corral to the neighbors house, I called for back up. Our dear friends Mary and Sherry next door who proceeded to catch the cat again and cut the peanut butter jar off her head. So the cat finally has a name...JARHEAD. I wonder if JIF knows about this. Life is wierd, moving on...
Cousins...
This morning I am sitting here with my mind racing and fever blaring when the phone rings. It is approximately 9am. A really friendly male voice on the other end informs me that he started reading one of my books at 3am and has just finished. His name was Marvin Bastian from Franklin Tennessee and he wanted to know if we were related. Now I suppose we are related somewhere down the pike but for the life of me, I cant figure out how. I am still trying to figure out why he was reading instead of sleeping. Bear and I visited Franklin once and felt right at home so maybe thats why. So Marvin was really nice and we talked for a long time and I hung up wondering if he realized how sick I was. More importantly, if I said anything to embarass myself, I appologize. So Marvin, even if we arent really cousins, I think we are now. We will meet ya in the little diner in Leapers Fork across the road from the General Lee car and the outside movie screen. Keep in touch cousin!
Contests...
Idle minds and steroids are a really bad combination. I mentioned in an earlier blog that Dove chocolates was holding a contest for the best expression of love phrase and the prize was a beautiful bracelet. Sitting here this morning in my jammies and hoodie with my tissues and the remote, I got a little bored. I have followed this contest for months. The reason is that I am a writer and I like to write slogans for fun. I have created an entire advertising campaign for Wendys and another for Harley Davidson. No really, the only difference is that I usually keep them to myself. I did share the one for Wendys with my friend Laura who works for Wendys but other than that, I keep them to myself. Ok, that is where the steriods come in. So I have been following this contest and going to the site every few days because I really, really want that bracelet! Today, I surf on over and guess what? It's gone. The site is there but the contest is gone, it's over! There is no list of winners and I havent been called to be told that my beautiful bracelet is on its way to me. Soooooo I pick up the phone and call the MARS company who makes Dove chocolates and I ask a simple question... "Who won the pretty bracelet in the contest?" She says "What contest?"
"What contest?!" Is she kidding? You know, the one that I grew obsessed with and entered and dreamed about winning. That contest, of course. So I proceed to tell this poor customer service rep the story of how my husband used to bring me Dove chocolates to tell me he loved me and how he almost died and had to have two open heart surgeries and had three strokes and two back surgeries and how much hell our life was and how I knew it was over and everything was all right because he brought me a Dove chocolate. I know, I know but I really loved that bracelet! If someone is going to hold a contest, they should at least tell us who won, right?
So anyway, Bear will be home soon to take away the phone I am sure. I feel like Poo, JARHEAD is free of the peanut butter jar, I have a new cousin named Marvin in Tennessee I still have a fever and I still have to take the steroids for another nine days and (I still have my cell phone.) Tee Hee. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. I am sick so if you are as bored as I am, pick up your phone and give me a call. Or better yet, call Dove and tell them I want my bracelet. Going to sleep now.
Blessings
Tena
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Author Unknown
Author Unknown
By
Tena Bastian
She is sitting in the hospital, waiting to be seen
Nine months pregnant and barely sixteen
When a voice in her head says “Take a deep breath”
And “pick up a magazine.”
She flips through the pages as she sits there alone
She wants to call her mother and ask if she can come home
When she comes across a letter there on the magazine page
That seems to be written by another young girl approximately her age.
It says…
Mama, I need your guidance
Because I don’t know what to do
I’m scared and alone and I want to come home
Because I feel safe with you.
Through her tears and her pain, as she reaches for her phone
She notices the letter is signed
Author Unknown.
She sits in her car in the parking lot as her world comes crashing down
She has been diagnosed with cancer, a tumor has been found
When a voice in her head says, “Take a deep breath”
And “turn the radio on”.
She flips through all of the channels as she sits there all alone.
She wants to call her husband and ask if he can come home
When she happens across a familiar song there on the radio
That seems to be written by another young woman with a long, long way to go
It says…
Honey, I need your guidance
Because I don’t know what to do
I’m scared and alone and I want to come home
Because I feel safe with you.
Through her tears and her pain, as she reaches for the phone
She notices the radio says
Author Unknown.
She is sitting with her mother on her very last day
She knows it won’t be long now as the seconds tick away
When a voice in her head says, “Take a deep breath”
And “listen to your mom”
She has something important to say to you and you need to hear it before she is gone
So she leans in ever closer as her mother struggles to speak
She takes her hand and kisses her as a tear rolls down her cheek
She says…
Lord, I need your guidance
Because I don’t know what to do
My daughter is scared but I want to come home
Because I feel safe with you
Please help her find the strength Lord, not to miss me when I am gone
It is at that moment that she realizes that it was HIS voice all along
The magazine, the radio, as she takes her final breath
Through the tears and the pain, he was always there from her birth until her death
When she was pregnant, when the tumor was found, every time she felt alone
It was God that loved her, that showed her the way
Until now HE was the
Author Unknown.
By
Tena Bastian
She is sitting in the hospital, waiting to be seen
Nine months pregnant and barely sixteen
When a voice in her head says “Take a deep breath”
And “pick up a magazine.”
She flips through the pages as she sits there alone
She wants to call her mother and ask if she can come home
When she comes across a letter there on the magazine page
That seems to be written by another young girl approximately her age.
It says…
Mama, I need your guidance
Because I don’t know what to do
I’m scared and alone and I want to come home
Because I feel safe with you.
Through her tears and her pain, as she reaches for her phone
She notices the letter is signed
Author Unknown.
She sits in her car in the parking lot as her world comes crashing down
She has been diagnosed with cancer, a tumor has been found
When a voice in her head says, “Take a deep breath”
And “turn the radio on”.
She flips through all of the channels as she sits there all alone.
She wants to call her husband and ask if he can come home
When she happens across a familiar song there on the radio
That seems to be written by another young woman with a long, long way to go
It says…
Honey, I need your guidance
Because I don’t know what to do
I’m scared and alone and I want to come home
Because I feel safe with you.
Through her tears and her pain, as she reaches for the phone
She notices the radio says
Author Unknown.
She is sitting with her mother on her very last day
She knows it won’t be long now as the seconds tick away
When a voice in her head says, “Take a deep breath”
And “listen to your mom”
She has something important to say to you and you need to hear it before she is gone
So she leans in ever closer as her mother struggles to speak
She takes her hand and kisses her as a tear rolls down her cheek
She says…
Lord, I need your guidance
Because I don’t know what to do
My daughter is scared but I want to come home
Because I feel safe with you
Please help her find the strength Lord, not to miss me when I am gone
It is at that moment that she realizes that it was HIS voice all along
The magazine, the radio, as she takes her final breath
Through the tears and the pain, he was always there from her birth until her death
When she was pregnant, when the tumor was found, every time she felt alone
It was God that loved her, that showed her the way
Until now HE was the
Author Unknown.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
My Funny Valentine
Valentines day is a day for lovers, right? Well yes but it is also a day for companies to exploit those men who are clueless as to what to get their girlfriends or wives so they look to commercials to decide. "He went to Jareds" or "What your girlfriend really wants is blah, blah blah!" Listen guys, I am going to clue you all in on something very important. The truth is that we dont know what we want. No really, it changes by the day and we dont have a clue what it is that we will want tomorrow so how the heck can these commercials know? I can tell you for sure what we dont want.
We dont want the following...
A teddy bear from Vermont that looks like us (creepy)
The same circle or heart pendant that everyone else is wearing (redundant)
Roses (expensive and lacks imagination)
Expensive jewelry (ok, that one is still a winner)
Lingerie (admit it, this is really a gift for you)
What we want is imagination, creativity and something that says you know us. My daughter wants a puppy. I want a break from this horrible winter weather with the sun on my face. Now that doesnt have to mean an expensive trip to the Bahamas, be creative. It could mean tanning visits, a night at a hotel with an indoor waterpark or a dinner in a summer themed restaurant. Do not listen to thecommercials, Ask her what she wants or just listen closely and follow the clues.
Dove chocolates is holding a contest for thebest sentimental saying for their wrappers. To give you an idea how much womens opinions vary, mine was "
Two hearts. With every beat,,,one love, one life."
Ok, sentimental, right? My eldest daughterwho is forever the smart ass and not sentimental at all teased me for entering at all with her entry of
"next time I do you better, k? Sorry."
It made me laugh in hysterics. I dont think she is going to win but funny just the same.
My point is that you all need to stop being so manipulated by these companies that try to convince you that what your girlfriend really wants is blah, blah blah. Step up to the plate and take a swing. If you strike out, at least she will remember that you tried. If that doesn't work, a puppy with a big red bow around his neck will always beg forgiveness.
So the view from the back of my horse today is that of the companies that try and take advantage of the poor saps that are willing to jump through any hoops to please their sweetheart. Shame on you for trying to put them in the dog house by telling them what women want with commercials I am sure were written by yet another clueless man. Hang in there guys, you will come up with something.
We dont want the following...
A teddy bear from Vermont that looks like us (creepy)
The same circle or heart pendant that everyone else is wearing (redundant)
Roses (expensive and lacks imagination)
Expensive jewelry (ok, that one is still a winner)
Lingerie (admit it, this is really a gift for you)
What we want is imagination, creativity and something that says you know us. My daughter wants a puppy. I want a break from this horrible winter weather with the sun on my face. Now that doesnt have to mean an expensive trip to the Bahamas, be creative. It could mean tanning visits, a night at a hotel with an indoor waterpark or a dinner in a summer themed restaurant. Do not listen to thecommercials, Ask her what she wants or just listen closely and follow the clues.
Dove chocolates is holding a contest for thebest sentimental saying for their wrappers. To give you an idea how much womens opinions vary, mine was "
Two hearts. With every beat,,,one love, one life."
Ok, sentimental, right? My eldest daughterwho is forever the smart ass and not sentimental at all teased me for entering at all with her entry of
"next time I do you better, k? Sorry."
It made me laugh in hysterics. I dont think she is going to win but funny just the same.
My point is that you all need to stop being so manipulated by these companies that try to convince you that what your girlfriend really wants is blah, blah blah. Step up to the plate and take a swing. If you strike out, at least she will remember that you tried. If that doesn't work, a puppy with a big red bow around his neck will always beg forgiveness.
So the view from the back of my horse today is that of the companies that try and take advantage of the poor saps that are willing to jump through any hoops to please their sweetheart. Shame on you for trying to put them in the dog house by telling them what women want with commercials I am sure were written by yet another clueless man. Hang in there guys, you will come up with something.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
The Horses We Love The Lessons We Learn
Now that I've gotten the most aggravating piece of garbage in our lives off my chest, its time to move on to horses. The title of this blog is the same as the title of one of my books. There is nothing so rewarding for an author as to walk into a book store and see a book that you wrote on the shelves for everyone to see. It sort of immortalizes who you are and leaves an imprint on the world that says "I was here and this is what I did". Out of the the three books on the shelves that I have written, this oneis near and dear to me for more reasons than one.
My dad, whom I loved with all my heart helped me with this book. We spent many hours on the phone recalling stories from my childhood, friends names, horses names, the details surrounding the tornado that took our house and sparked my true love of horses. He shared family photos with me that were used in the book and the entire time Wiley publishing was putting it together, I couldn't wait for my dadto see it finished and on the book store shelves. It was bittersweet because dad passed away in February of last year and the book hit the shelves the following September. It is dedicated to him and he never got the opportunity to see it.
I have recieved many emails from people who read the book and saw in it a connection to their own lives and shared their own stories with me. A short while back, I recieved one from a woman who ironically had a very similar story to ours in that her husband had suddenly become ill and she fought a similar battle. Her battle and ours ironically began on the same day. On the exact same day, we were both sitting in emergency room hospitals at different ends of the country fighting for our husbands lives. They lost their battle and her husband died.
Today the view from the back of my horse is of this woman and how brave she is in her basic survival after the loss of her best friend, her husband. Ive learned a lot from the horses we have met and loved over the years and also from the people I am fortunate enough to meet. The people that see my books on the shelves of a book store and purchase them. Not all of them send me emails or call me but I am sure glad this particular woman did. Our stories are so similar and hearing hers makes me feel fortunate that even through all of the hell that Dr. R put us through, my husband is here with me and God has given us the gift of one more day. Every day is another gift and another and another. Each one gives me one more chance to get it right by remembering to tell him that I love him or smile at the sound of his laughter and even get angry with him sometimes. The only thing that matters is that he is here today and it is all bonus time. Our friends think that he is immortal and tease us about it.
He has survived two back surgeries, three strokes, two open heart surgeries and three months after the last one, he stoodin a neighbors barn with about eight people around him and we all watched in horror as lightening struck the metal lead light he was holding. He survived unharmed after being struck by lightening. Immortal maybe but we never take it for granted. We know by all odds that he shouldn't still be here but he is and I than God for that.
As for this woman, one thing she said really struck a chord with me. She said that the love of her horse was what got her through her terrible ordeal. Horses have that ability because they are such gentle, loving creatures. They are not prejudice or judgemental. They do not hold a grudge and there is nothing so soothing as spending time with them in a quiet barn in the early morning or watching them play out in the pasture.
So again, the view from the back of my horse today is this woman and her strength. Know that I think about you all the time and wish you well. I admire your strength and I thank you for reminding me just how precious every day can be with the people that we love.
Blessings
Tena
My dad, whom I loved with all my heart helped me with this book. We spent many hours on the phone recalling stories from my childhood, friends names, horses names, the details surrounding the tornado that took our house and sparked my true love of horses. He shared family photos with me that were used in the book and the entire time Wiley publishing was putting it together, I couldn't wait for my dadto see it finished and on the book store shelves. It was bittersweet because dad passed away in February of last year and the book hit the shelves the following September. It is dedicated to him and he never got the opportunity to see it.
I have recieved many emails from people who read the book and saw in it a connection to their own lives and shared their own stories with me. A short while back, I recieved one from a woman who ironically had a very similar story to ours in that her husband had suddenly become ill and she fought a similar battle. Her battle and ours ironically began on the same day. On the exact same day, we were both sitting in emergency room hospitals at different ends of the country fighting for our husbands lives. They lost their battle and her husband died.
Today the view from the back of my horse is of this woman and how brave she is in her basic survival after the loss of her best friend, her husband. Ive learned a lot from the horses we have met and loved over the years and also from the people I am fortunate enough to meet. The people that see my books on the shelves of a book store and purchase them. Not all of them send me emails or call me but I am sure glad this particular woman did. Our stories are so similar and hearing hers makes me feel fortunate that even through all of the hell that Dr. R put us through, my husband is here with me and God has given us the gift of one more day. Every day is another gift and another and another. Each one gives me one more chance to get it right by remembering to tell him that I love him or smile at the sound of his laughter and even get angry with him sometimes. The only thing that matters is that he is here today and it is all bonus time. Our friends think that he is immortal and tease us about it.
He has survived two back surgeries, three strokes, two open heart surgeries and three months after the last one, he stoodin a neighbors barn with about eight people around him and we all watched in horror as lightening struck the metal lead light he was holding. He survived unharmed after being struck by lightening. Immortal maybe but we never take it for granted. We know by all odds that he shouldn't still be here but he is and I than God for that.
As for this woman, one thing she said really struck a chord with me. She said that the love of her horse was what got her through her terrible ordeal. Horses have that ability because they are such gentle, loving creatures. They are not prejudice or judgemental. They do not hold a grudge and there is nothing so soothing as spending time with them in a quiet barn in the early morning or watching them play out in the pasture.
So again, the view from the back of my horse today is this woman and her strength. Know that I think about you all the time and wish you well. I admire your strength and I thank you for reminding me just how precious every day can be with the people that we love.
Blessings
Tena
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
The Cold Hard Truth
I woke this morning to a wind chill of -30 and I have decided that I want spring. Ohio can be extremely cold this time of year and by now, I am sick of winter. I am sure my horses are equally ready for spring.
Speaking of cold, I wanted to elaborate on something I touched on briefly in my last post. That is the surgeon that placed the wrong sized valve in my husbands heart. There are many great doctors out there and I thank everyone who had a hand in his recovery. I have not talked about this publically until now but here is the cold hard truth.
The word "practice" as in medical practice is appropriate in the case of this doctor who we will refer to as Dr. R. Not because I am afraid to mention his full name because if you ask, I will gladly tell you but for the sake of space because his name is long. Now he has been practicing for over 40 years so you would think he would get it right. So Bear is in his second open heart surgery to repair his valves for a second time. I am holding in my hand an operative report that specifies that the original surgeon measured the area for a size 27 valve and states that he placed a 23. Too small. Of course a different surgeon is doing the repair. The reason for this is that he and the cardiologist have convinced us that the best thing to do is to get a different surgeon. It occurs to me that they have had access to this operative report that is just now coming to my attention. It has been on file at the hospital for months and no one has stepped up and said "Hey, we have a problem here." Instead, we are reassurred that he is getting better and now he is in congestive heart failure and might die. The cold hard truth is that covering up a mistake takes priority over the patients well being.
The surgery goes well and although we begin the painful process of recovery for a second time, he is alive and for that we are grateful. The view from the back of my horse is that of a surgeon who has long outlived his talent and should have retired long ago. The next thing I hear is that he is no longer practicing in our state, his partner has asked him to move out of the practice and ironically enough, rumor has it that he is back in his native Texas and will serve on an ethics commitee there. Ethics! Can you imagine? Now we could sue however our energy has to be placed on healing and recovering from this ordeal physically, emotionally and financially. I need closure of some kind so I contact the surgeon and ask him to meet me for lunch and he does. He flies in from Texas, meets me in a crowded restaurant at lunchtime. Now he doesn't know that our intentions are not to sue. I told him that he owed me some answers and he came and met me. He begins the conversation by claiming a typing error. I hand him two operative reports both taken from his own notes and each typed by different people. I inform him that if he attempts to lie to me any more than he already has, I will make a scene the likes of which he has never experienced and his story changes. In the time leading up to meeting, I discover that he is actually named in several lawsuits.
The point of the meeting is not to argue with this surgeon but rather to look into his eyes and tell him first hand what this ordeal has cost my family. The cold hard truth is that he made a mistake, a simple human error and rather than to fix it, he has covered it up with layers and layers of lies. As sad as it is, the cold hard truth is that this surgeon, at the time of the surgery was not even registered with the American Medical Association and as far as I know, could still be practicing medicine somewhere in Texas or even somewhere here in Ohio again. That is the reason for this post because the cold hard truth is that although there are qualified doctors practicing out there, the Dr. R's of the medical world are also out there. That said, if you are ever in the position of choosing a heart surgeon, or any surgeon for that matter, do your homework.
The view from the back of my horse allows me to see the ass in front of me but it also allows me to see an open path to a bright future and although there have been setbacks, we are moving on. Spring is just ahead and on cold nights when the wind howls through the trees, I thank God that I am safe and warm in my bed and the love of my life is alive and laying right there beside me. Listening to the ticking sound of his metal valves, I am reassured that the nightmare is over and I sleep.
Blessings
Tena
Speaking of cold, I wanted to elaborate on something I touched on briefly in my last post. That is the surgeon that placed the wrong sized valve in my husbands heart. There are many great doctors out there and I thank everyone who had a hand in his recovery. I have not talked about this publically until now but here is the cold hard truth.
The word "practice" as in medical practice is appropriate in the case of this doctor who we will refer to as Dr. R. Not because I am afraid to mention his full name because if you ask, I will gladly tell you but for the sake of space because his name is long. Now he has been practicing for over 40 years so you would think he would get it right. So Bear is in his second open heart surgery to repair his valves for a second time. I am holding in my hand an operative report that specifies that the original surgeon measured the area for a size 27 valve and states that he placed a 23. Too small. Of course a different surgeon is doing the repair. The reason for this is that he and the cardiologist have convinced us that the best thing to do is to get a different surgeon. It occurs to me that they have had access to this operative report that is just now coming to my attention. It has been on file at the hospital for months and no one has stepped up and said "Hey, we have a problem here." Instead, we are reassurred that he is getting better and now he is in congestive heart failure and might die. The cold hard truth is that covering up a mistake takes priority over the patients well being.
The surgery goes well and although we begin the painful process of recovery for a second time, he is alive and for that we are grateful. The view from the back of my horse is that of a surgeon who has long outlived his talent and should have retired long ago. The next thing I hear is that he is no longer practicing in our state, his partner has asked him to move out of the practice and ironically enough, rumor has it that he is back in his native Texas and will serve on an ethics commitee there. Ethics! Can you imagine? Now we could sue however our energy has to be placed on healing and recovering from this ordeal physically, emotionally and financially. I need closure of some kind so I contact the surgeon and ask him to meet me for lunch and he does. He flies in from Texas, meets me in a crowded restaurant at lunchtime. Now he doesn't know that our intentions are not to sue. I told him that he owed me some answers and he came and met me. He begins the conversation by claiming a typing error. I hand him two operative reports both taken from his own notes and each typed by different people. I inform him that if he attempts to lie to me any more than he already has, I will make a scene the likes of which he has never experienced and his story changes. In the time leading up to meeting, I discover that he is actually named in several lawsuits.
The point of the meeting is not to argue with this surgeon but rather to look into his eyes and tell him first hand what this ordeal has cost my family. The cold hard truth is that he made a mistake, a simple human error and rather than to fix it, he has covered it up with layers and layers of lies. As sad as it is, the cold hard truth is that this surgeon, at the time of the surgery was not even registered with the American Medical Association and as far as I know, could still be practicing medicine somewhere in Texas or even somewhere here in Ohio again. That is the reason for this post because the cold hard truth is that although there are qualified doctors practicing out there, the Dr. R's of the medical world are also out there. That said, if you are ever in the position of choosing a heart surgeon, or any surgeon for that matter, do your homework.
The view from the back of my horse allows me to see the ass in front of me but it also allows me to see an open path to a bright future and although there have been setbacks, we are moving on. Spring is just ahead and on cold nights when the wind howls through the trees, I thank God that I am safe and warm in my bed and the love of my life is alive and laying right there beside me. Listening to the ticking sound of his metal valves, I am reassured that the nightmare is over and I sleep.
Blessings
Tena
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
The View From The Back Of My Horse
Greetings,
The view from the back of my horse is one that encompasses many different aspects of the world. It is my way of expressing opinions on issues that I find important, an opportunity to give you a look into my world, discussing the day to day life of someone who has really experienced a lot of joy and turmoil, highs and lows, success and failures and has come out on the other side, a better person. I write books. That is my job and I feel fortunate to have a job where I can sit aroundin my pajama pants and hoodies and do what I love to do. I do have bosses and I have people that depend on me so it is no different than any other job. I find it ironic the way people percieve an author. It is a common misconception that you write a book and you experience instant fame and fortune. This is truly not the case. It is hard work and determination and believing in yourself and your abilities. I will give you an example...
As part of my job as an author, I promote my books by appearing at book signings and equine events to present seminars and one particular one was Equine Affaire in Kentucky a few years ago. My husband Bear whom I love with all my heart was very sick. After a simple tooth extraction, it was discovered that an infection from the tooth had traveled to his heart, brain and spine resulting in three strokes, two back surgeries and an open heart surgery where they replaced his aortic and mitral valves with metal ones and gave him a pacemaker to which he depended on to make his heart beat at all. We were all very tired both physically and emotionally from the ordeal. He was home and in stable condition and I was under contract to go to Kentucky for three days. Our daughter and a visiting nurse convinced me that I had to go. We were heavily in debt and I needed to promote the book.
I cried on the plane which was a back up flight after I missed the first one, I cried on the drive to the event because I was there alone and wanted so badly to be home and finally managed to get there and get my act together and present my first seminar. Afterwards, I was sitting at a table with a stack of my books signing them and chatting with people when a woman came up and introduced herself. She bought a book and while I was signing it, she said "My goodness, it must be so glamorous to be an author and to be rich and famous, I wish I was you". Well let me tell you honestly, at that moment in my life, I wished she was me too. I wished that I could be anyone else in the world. Life was so incredibly bittersweet!
My point is that we tend to percieve people in the spotlight as having these perfect lives when their lives are just as normal and sometimes as difficult as our own. I returned from Kentucky and was scheduled to be in Massachusetts next. Bear was not getting better and despite the constant reassurance of many doctors, I knew my husband and I knew he was not getting better. I convinced him to allow me to take him to Cleveland clinic for a second opinion. They performed several tests and the result was that one of the valves that had been placed was too small and the tissue surrounding it was tearing away from the metal valve causing leakage of blood and he was in congestive heart failure. On the day we were supposed to board the plane to Massachusetts, we were once again sitting in the hospital while he was in a second open heart surgery. While we were waiting, I went to the records of the hospital and pulled a copy of the surgical report from the first open heart surgery. In the doctors statement, it described how he measured the area for a size 27 valve. Later in the report, it clearly states that he placed a size 23 valve. Too small!
The view from the back of my horse clearly showed me that this was a problem and as a result, I might lose the one person in my life that I loved beyond the boundaries of anything or anyone that was important to me. I couldn't breathe. We had been through so much and now it came down to one mistake that could cost him his life.
I will continue to share this and other stories such as this with you but I wanted to dedicate this first blog to the woman who "wished she was me". Be happy with who you are and what you do and know that beneath what seems like a perfect life is a life with as many ups and downs as you experience. Welcome to my blog and I hope you stay with me and follow me through my life as a wife, mother and author and that you enjoy the view from the back of my horse.
Blessings
Tena
The view from the back of my horse is one that encompasses many different aspects of the world. It is my way of expressing opinions on issues that I find important, an opportunity to give you a look into my world, discussing the day to day life of someone who has really experienced a lot of joy and turmoil, highs and lows, success and failures and has come out on the other side, a better person. I write books. That is my job and I feel fortunate to have a job where I can sit aroundin my pajama pants and hoodies and do what I love to do. I do have bosses and I have people that depend on me so it is no different than any other job. I find it ironic the way people percieve an author. It is a common misconception that you write a book and you experience instant fame and fortune. This is truly not the case. It is hard work and determination and believing in yourself and your abilities. I will give you an example...
As part of my job as an author, I promote my books by appearing at book signings and equine events to present seminars and one particular one was Equine Affaire in Kentucky a few years ago. My husband Bear whom I love with all my heart was very sick. After a simple tooth extraction, it was discovered that an infection from the tooth had traveled to his heart, brain and spine resulting in three strokes, two back surgeries and an open heart surgery where they replaced his aortic and mitral valves with metal ones and gave him a pacemaker to which he depended on to make his heart beat at all. We were all very tired both physically and emotionally from the ordeal. He was home and in stable condition and I was under contract to go to Kentucky for three days. Our daughter and a visiting nurse convinced me that I had to go. We were heavily in debt and I needed to promote the book.
I cried on the plane which was a back up flight after I missed the first one, I cried on the drive to the event because I was there alone and wanted so badly to be home and finally managed to get there and get my act together and present my first seminar. Afterwards, I was sitting at a table with a stack of my books signing them and chatting with people when a woman came up and introduced herself. She bought a book and while I was signing it, she said "My goodness, it must be so glamorous to be an author and to be rich and famous, I wish I was you". Well let me tell you honestly, at that moment in my life, I wished she was me too. I wished that I could be anyone else in the world. Life was so incredibly bittersweet!
My point is that we tend to percieve people in the spotlight as having these perfect lives when their lives are just as normal and sometimes as difficult as our own. I returned from Kentucky and was scheduled to be in Massachusetts next. Bear was not getting better and despite the constant reassurance of many doctors, I knew my husband and I knew he was not getting better. I convinced him to allow me to take him to Cleveland clinic for a second opinion. They performed several tests and the result was that one of the valves that had been placed was too small and the tissue surrounding it was tearing away from the metal valve causing leakage of blood and he was in congestive heart failure. On the day we were supposed to board the plane to Massachusetts, we were once again sitting in the hospital while he was in a second open heart surgery. While we were waiting, I went to the records of the hospital and pulled a copy of the surgical report from the first open heart surgery. In the doctors statement, it described how he measured the area for a size 27 valve. Later in the report, it clearly states that he placed a size 23 valve. Too small!
The view from the back of my horse clearly showed me that this was a problem and as a result, I might lose the one person in my life that I loved beyond the boundaries of anything or anyone that was important to me. I couldn't breathe. We had been through so much and now it came down to one mistake that could cost him his life.
I will continue to share this and other stories such as this with you but I wanted to dedicate this first blog to the woman who "wished she was me". Be happy with who you are and what you do and know that beneath what seems like a perfect life is a life with as many ups and downs as you experience. Welcome to my blog and I hope you stay with me and follow me through my life as a wife, mother and author and that you enjoy the view from the back of my horse.
Blessings
Tena
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