The View From The Back Of My Horse

Keeping Warm

2011-10-15T04:24:00.003-06:00

October is here and with it comes colder days and the ultimate search for warmth. Me, I am already counting the days until spring. There are 2 kinds of warmth that I seek this time of year. One is the obvious, physical warmth and the other is spiritual warmth.

Spiritual warmth is that inner peace that sometimes becomes so difficult to find. The skies are grey, the sun rises later and sets earlier and we feel as though we are stuck indoors. I am an outdoor person by nature. I love to be out in the barn or the kennel playing with the dogs and the horses. I despise putting on an additonal 10 lbs. of clothing and carrying around that extra weight while doing my chores. It seems to take twice as much time to get half as much done. This makes me sad and my inner light grows increasingly dimmer. I have to find inventive ways to feel warm inside and to find inner peace. At 52, I've had a lot of experience with it so I thought I would share a few ideas with you to get you through those cold winter months that lay ahead...

Find a good book and don't try to read it all in one sitting but rather spread your reading time out over a period of days or even weeks. Once you finish that one, start another.

Find comfort in what you enjoy the most whether it is baking, sewing, chatting on line, anything to embrace the time rather than just kill time.

Don't shut yourself off from the outside world. We all know its easier to close the curtains, stay in our warm jammies and not venture out in the cold. If you must do this, invite a few friends over for a movie or just a chat but try and leave the house for something other than work at least twice a week.

Start a journal or try your hand at a story or two but write! It is therapeutic and you'll find that before you know it, you may just have written your first book!

Moving on to physical warmth... bonfires, dress in light layers of clothing, keep your clothes dry and find at least one good pair of boots and my personal favorite item of winter warmth is a warm wool blanket. I have a plaid stadium blanket that I've had for years. I dont even remember where I got it but the minute the temperatures drop below 40 and the furnace kicks in, I pull it out of the closet and keep it close by. There is nothing warmer than wool and it reminds me of a saddle blanket so I feel closer to the horses even when its too cold to ride. Mine has holes in it because Ive had it for so many years. Not big gaping holes but little holes created by puppies nursing on it or wear spots from age but it is my favorite blanket and I couldn't survive winter without it.

It was made by a company we all know and love...Woolrich. THE name in wool clothing and blankets but now synonomous with all kinds of home furnishings as well. Since 1830, Woolrich has been the name to trust for winter warm clothing with a western feel but now offer items for your home that will surprise and delight you. For clothing, the place to go is still www.woolrich.com but for that warm winter blanket, try www.woolrichhome.com .

Curl up in front of the fireplace or in front of that bonfire or even watching a movie with your friends with a new Woolrich Hudson Bay (my favorite) blanket and feel the warmth both inside and out. Heres to summer my friends but until we see it again, stay warm, be happy and lets keep in touch.
Blessings
Tena

New and Improved!

2011-10-04T17:38:00.002-06:00

For quite a while, Ive been sharing stories with you. Whether they are inspirational, heartbreaking, funny or insightful, through them and your many emails and comments, we have gotten to know each other pretty well. I've decided to take that one step further by giving you my views on products and services that I have the opportunity to review.

My goal is to let you know what I think of companies and their products and services in the same straight forward way that has become my trademark through this blog. My opinions or rather the view from the back of my horse will allow you the opportunity to recieve an honest insight into products you use everyday, not just in the horse or dog world. Everything from the food we eat, the clothing and jewelry we wear, the latest gadgets and technology and any product or service in which we invest our hard earned money.

I will be doing this not only through my blog posts but also on Twitter and Facebook and any other outlet that I have had the privledge to gain an audience through my years of being a large part of this evergrowing industry. I will be sampling various products or using various services and giving you my honest opinion on whether or not I feel it is worth the effort. Good or bad, I promise you reviews that will help you decide whether various products and services are for you.

On the other side of that coin, if you have a product or service that you would like me to review, please contact me either through email at bearbkra@aol.com or by calling me at (419) 826-5129 for more information. Help me get the ball rolling as I intend to be THE place to go for reviews of some of the best and worst products on the market. I promise to give every product that I review every chance to impress me and if it does, I will make it my job to spread the word for you.

I look forward to establishing excellent and honest working relationships with all of you through my experience. Contact me for more information and lets get this up and running.

God bless
Tena

WW and the bug girl... When miracles happen

2011-03-27T03:43:00.004-06:00

My brother had a very good friend when we were growing up. He had a lot of friends but this one in particular was someone whom my brother Joe adored. His name was Wayne but not unlike most of our friends, we never called him by his name but rather gave him a nickname. WW was what we called him because we all smoked a lot of pot back in the day but WW smoked it like it was his job so WW was short for Wasted Wayne.

Recently, WW passed away after a very long illness. After high school, I rarely saw him because our lives went in different directions so I never met his wife. I did send her my condolences when I heard of his passing. In talking with her on the phone, I learned that she was putting together a memorial gathering for WW and that led the conversation to the nicknames that we all had when we were kids. My brother Joe's nickname was Poge which was a Korean nickname that my uncle gave him after he returned from the war over there years ago. Mine was Speedy because I was always moving and talking. My other brother, Wild Bill gave it to me years ago based on the cartoon Speedy Gonzales.

In talking to WW's wife, I learned that her nickname was Bug Girl and it made me laugh. I asked her why and she told me that when she was a kid, she would spend hours gathering catapillars and keep them in coffee cans so she could watch them turn into butterflies and release them. She would also find eggs on milkweed plants and would watch them every day until they hatched and then collect them in her coffee cans and witness the miraculous transformation into the most beautiful butterflies she had ever seen. This is something I have never had the opportunity to witness in nature and she explained that in the transformation, there is a crysalis stage where the wings form and grow before the final stage of transformation. I was in awe and realized that although we may not witness it ourselves, miracles occur around us every minute of every day. Just because we do not bear witness to it, miracles do happen.

As most of you know, Bear and I have spent the last 25 days watching a miracle occur and some of you were not only witness to it through my Facebook and Twitter posts but actually took part in it by offering up enough prayer that God himself could not ignore the growing whispers of hope.Our daughter Jennifer was admitted to the hospital ICU after a strep infection went into pneumonia and the doctors were forced to put her on a ventilator and induce a coma so that she could breathe until the antibiotics could kick in and clear the pneumonia from her lungs. We sat in that room next to her bed day in and day out praying for a miracle while we watched her struggle to breathe. Her lifeline was a single central line in her neck that branched out to 16 I.V. lines of medication and monitors that measured her blood pressure, heart rate and finally the ventilator itself that forced air into her lungs through a tube that first went down her throat and later into a trach tube in her neck.

We faced the very real possibility that our daughter could die. Here was this woman telling me a story of how, as a young girl, she was taunted by other children because she only wanted to appreciate and witness the miracle of her butterflies, something that occurs naturally on a daily basis and we were praying along with all of our dear friends for God to show us a miracle in saving our daughter. Talking to her showed me that miracles are all around us and we have to be open to the possibilities in order to see them. We have to have faith when we find it most difficult to have faith and when all hope seems lost.

Bug Girl lost her husband after struggling to keep him alive for months but she still believes in miracles because she has witnessed them since she was a child in the transformation of her butterflies. Jennifer is not so unlike one of those butterflies in that her healing presents itself in stages. From the safe coccoon of that hospital bed surrounded by the humming of the machines that kept her alive to waking from her coma in the middle of the night and uttering the word "mom" to the long road she now faces in trying to put the pieces of her life back together.

She doesnt realize the miracle that has occured. To her, it was to go to sleep and then wake, not 25 days of worry and panic and praying. Not hundreds of friends pulling for her to survive, not her husband or parents who love her but are also somewhat angry that she didn't seek treatment earlier and take better care of herself to avoid the situation all together. (A normal part of the grieving process). To her, it is merely to wake up and realize that she cant move her legs or walk or talk or do any of the things that she took for granted before she went to sleep.

We raise our children to watch them grow and change and spread their wings and show us just how beautiful they can be when they fly. It is inevitable that they will stumble along the way but our hope is that they will find the strength to pick themselves up and move on. We can give them our love and support but that strength to pick herself up has to come from within her. Watching her now, is not unlike watching a catapillar in a coffee can struggle to transform and spread her wings and fly. She is angry and rightfully so, she is tired because her body has been through so much. She is finding it easier to curl up in that coccoon and ask for more pain meds and sleep. I cant thank all of you enough for the prayers and phone calls and emails and text messages of support but our prayer now is that our daughter can find the strength to get out of that bed and get her life back. Our prayer for her is that she will use this situation as a launching point for a better life, a more positive outlook and she will find it within herself to want it as badly as we want it for her.

A little girl, now a grown woman who has lost her husband gave me a better perspective of a very difficult situation and for that I am also grateful. I am grateful for all of you and to God for giving Jennifer a second chance for a better life. All of the pieces are there, the prayer, the love and support, the possibilities that are there on this long road that lies ahead. All she has to do is see them and put them all together and spread her wings and fly. We love you Jennifer, we are here to help you but we cant do it for you. It's time. Take that first difficult step and the one after that and before you know it, you will be on a good road. Show us how beautiful you can be and fly.

You are the view from the back of my horse, my darling girl. You have been the view for 25 days and counting. I love you and would give my life for you. You woke from that coma whispering my name and when I walked in the room, I saw a smile that I have not seen in years. I will always be there for you but all I ask for in return is to see that smile every day. Pick up the pieces, put them together and be happy.

The Week I Leave Behind

2011-02-05T04:07:00.004-07:00

Greetings fellow horse lovers and friends. Gonna take a big sigh today because this week is almost over and its been one for the record books. The good news is that the groundhog did not see his shadow! We have already spotted four robins and we have new puppies. This has been the week of the big storm that dumped about 10 inches of snow and then coated it with a lovely coating of ice combined with wind and sleet and anything else the weatherman could pull from his magical "crappy weather" bag.

It's always exciting to track a big storm but then there is the digging out from it that we all have to contend with. I spent the week snowed in and waiting for puppies to be born which was also exciting because this particular mom, Sadie spends her last days before giving birth attacking any dog that comes near the hallway that leads to the room her whelping box is in. No one sleeps well in this house on a good day so when you find some time to sneak in a nap, it is frightening being awakened to a dog fight. Yikes!

On top of the snow and the puppy watch, it is tax time so my office is decorated in last years stacks of paperwork, the calculator is out and smoking and since we itemize, we each have a shoebox of our receipts for the year. Mine is overflowing, hubby's has 3 receipts. I say "Honey, where are your receipts for the year?" He says, "What?" "Your receipts, the write offs for the year". He hands me 11 for a grand total of 14. For the entire year, he is trying to tell me that he has only made 14 purchases. NOT!

So this morning I meet with the tax preparer to see what the damage is and in the kennel, there are 3 boarders, one of which wants to rip my face off, one that wants to bark all the time and one that is frightened of his own shadow but the sweetest of the bunch. I am finding it sad that I am excited to meet with the H&R Block rep because it is the first break I've had in a week. Then when this day is done, I am going to pour myself a glass of wine, sit in a hot bubble bath, then maybe admire the beautiful new puppies.

The view from the back of my horse is the week I leave behind, I won't miss it. Tomorrow is Super Bowl Sunday and aside from caring for our crew, the phones will be unplugged and silent for the day. Wish me luck doing taxes today because something tells me that I am dearly going to need that glass of wime when all is said and done.

The thing about bad days or even bad weeks is that we all get another chance to get it right. It may have been bad but come Monday or even come morning, it's a fresh start with a new perspective. Take a deep breath, a bubble bath, drink a glass of wine or whatever ends that bad day on a good note and get up and get it right. Kahil Gibran said "Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters seared by scars". I totally agree with the first past but as for the scars, they fade. So will the worst of days. I promise you that.

On another note, one of the directions I would love to take this blog in the coming year is to include product review. If you have a horse product or products that would appeal to Cowgirls in general that you would like me to review, get in touch with me. If I try it and like it, I will make it a point to tweet and Facebook and spread the word. One of my favs this week is a company called Simply You. Fun costume jewelry so check them out. There is a picture of one of their rings on my fb page. LOVE them.

Heres to the week ahead, may it be slow and easy with no stress. Until next time, hunker down, spring is almost here!
T

Time Will Tell

2011-01-23T11:24:00.002-07:00

Someone just pointed out to me that there are exactly 55 days until spring. We have suffered through all these cold days of winter so can we make it 55 more days until we are warm again? Time will tell. I personally can't wait to shed all these layers of clothes and break out the shoes that don't weigh as much as the boots.

I am ready for green grass and flowers and the prettiest of all the birds to come back to Ohio. I am ready to play with the next litter of mini aussies out in the yard and maybe even take a few days and drive down to Nashville and spend time with friends. Im not sure if that can be arranged but again, time will tell.

Time reveals a lot to us if we are patient enough to wait and see what it brings. I will be the first one to admit that I am not a patient person by any means but the older I get, the more I understand the plan and how we sometimes have to trust in that plan even when it seems as though our entire world might fall apart. In hind sight, even the worst possible things happen for a reason and whether or not we like the outcome, it is the road we have to take to get to where we are supposed to be in our lives. There are lessons we have to learn and people we have to meet both good and bad that makes us who we are in the end.

Take my writing for example. It is a talent that was given to me to use and share and yet my life has come to a point that leaves very little time to write at all any more but I keep finding the time to do it. I still have faith that the things I write will somehow, someday get into the hands of those who are meant to read them and it is not for me to question the who and the when but to keep writing. It's part of the plan I guess.

I often hear that our lives are more about the journey rather than the destination and I believe this to be true. As anxious as I am for winter to end and spring to begin, if I don't enjoy the journey, I will have missed out on the next 55 days of my life. Thats 55 more days to work on the things I am writing and possibly catch a spark of something inspiring. 55 more days to plan a new season that brings with it less time to curl up on the sofa with a hot cup of tea and just think. 55 days to make new friendships or improve the ones that I already cherish. 55 days to watch the winter snow melt away and the signs of spring begin to unfold.

So in that time, I will try not to fret about these cold winter days and layers of clothing. Instead, I will just enjoy the journey, knowing we are headed into Spring, when all things are new and fresh and less burdening. It's going to be a good time, I can just feel it but only time will tell.

Stay warm, be safe and think SPRING!

Tena's Take

2011-01-03T14:46:00.002-07:00

I want to thank Missy and Meredith and Couture Cowgirl for hosting Tena's Take over the last few months. My decision to bring it back here has nothing to do with them, I adore them. It has more to do with the fact that I have neglected my own site for a while now and feel the need to touch base so to speak. Since there seems to be less and less time to write lately, actually to do all the things I want to do, I felt the need to regroup and come home for a while.

Home... a word that encompasses so many things. Not just a place to hang our hats and stable our horse but the one and only place that feels like the center of who we are. Home is having the freedom to be yourself without any expectations placed upon you. It is the light in our soul that allows us to shine but only after we are filled with the warmth of that light that we recieve, are we truly home. It is the comfort of knowing that we are safe and nothing from the outide world can hurt us. Home is where all things become quiet enough that we can think about our day and what tomorrow may bring and we can prepare ourselves for anything that may challenge us in the days ahead. It feels good to be home again.

I will admit that lately, it sometimes feels as though my life is spinning out of control. I have been working too hard for too long and truly feel I need a break. Not even when I was traveling all over the U.S. promoting the books and presenting the seminars have I felt so overwhelmed. Waking up in strange places and needing to take a moment or two to remember what city I was in. Getting home only to get back on a plane the following weekend and do it all over again.
The only difference is now I get up in the morning, slip my winter warmies over my pajamas and work until the sun sets. Then I fall in bed exhausted and get up and do it all over again. It's tiring.

It is a new year with new projects and new challenges and the holidays have taken their toll on all of us. So I have declared January "Be kind to yourself" month. Not officially and not for everyone with no act of Congress, tee hee, but here at my home and at all of yours if you so choose to recognize it. This month will be spent working but not as hard. Writing but writing what I want to write and for as long as I want to write. Long hot bubble baths and a glass of wine now and then. Getting to know my husband again who has worked as hard as I have in the past year. I will at some point, get on a plane and go see a friend and January will be about planning that trip. I have yet to decide who or where or even when exactly. I honestly don't know but the fun is in the planning to go for now.

If what we do defines who we are, lately, I am anything but a writer because I never have time to write. That is about to change. I think we all need to take time for ourselves and do what makes us who we are or we are lost. I think we all need to go home again, to that place that makes us feel safe and reminds us who we are. We need to go to the core of who we were before the chaos and feel the warmth of that loving place and just center ourselves and begin again. Thats where I am this January and today, I am taking the first step toward being kinder to myself, showing gratitude to those who love me, to slow down and really feel something again aside from exhaustion. To sleep through an entire night and wake in the morning at my own pace and feel refreshed. This is my journey and it begins right here and right now. I know it will allow me to be more creative and a better person in general and I invite you to come along on that journey.

Take a deep breath today, the holidays are over, we have spring to look forward to in a few months and in the meantime, we all need to slow down and take a break from the chaos and just be still and listen to what is possible. Be kind to yourself this month and take time to touch base with who you are and what you set out to accomplish in your life and use this month to get back on track. It's time to go home. Back to where it all began and look at it with a fresh perspective. Reset those goals and move ahead from there. One step at a time and one thought at a time. Only then can we enjoy every day that God has given us and stop worrying about what might happen and just be in the moment. So here I am, home. It feels good.

The Kennel

2010-04-20T05:03:00.003-06:00

Nestled in the woods here on our farm is a project that has been a year in the making. When Bear got sick and we almost lost our farm, we had the decision to either change things dramatically or walk away so we sat down and discussed what we would do. My aunt and uncle whom I love dearly ran a dog boarding kennel when I was a kid and later in life, I ran one here in Swanton for three years. We already had the building which had been used as one of our barns so we started laying out plans of how we could do it and how much it would cost and we went to work on creating a small, friendly kennel. We gutted the entire barn, poured concrete, created an office, a small animal room, a waiting room, a kitchen, put in drains and a septic system, a bathroom, etc. Drywall, months of painting and trimming out each room, fencing for play yards, and so on and so on. I am tired just thinking about it but with the help of our daughters and son in law, we opened last spring. Im happy to say that we built it and people came. In fact people still come, bringing their lovely dogs to stay in our new kennel. I can't travel as much as I used to however I am fortunate to have it and look forward to spending time with the dogs every day. Aside from one person, we have enjoyed everyone who we have met and the best part is that its ours and it is a project that continues to grow. Yesterday, I created a Bear Back Ranch and Kennel page on Facebook in an effort to give dog owners tips on finding a kennel that suits them and have had many compliments on it from family and friends. That made me smile because I know how much work we have put into this little venture and what it means to us to be successful. So if you're local, visit us and if you are not, visit us on Facebook and see the photos of the inside. It's a new chapter in our lives that brings us joy and offers us a new beginning after some pretty rough times.

Blessings

Tena

Tena's Take

2010-04-08T03:22:00.002-06:00

Good morning!
Getting ready to head down to Equine Affaire and spend time with old friends. (all my friends are old once I hit 50!). Haha. Then on to Quarterfest in Tennessee to kick off a new venture... The Cowgirl Posse Radio program with my buddy and now co host, Emily Jo Peak. I also have a new column called Tena's Take at http://www.couturecowgirl.com so please stop by and read some of my articles there.

Aside from that, all is well. Staying busy and having fun! Gotta run.
Blessings
Tena

How To Find Me

2010-03-17T04:22:00.003-06:00

Hello!

I havent been here in a few weeks but this is not the only way to find me and see what we've been up to lately.
I invite you to join me on Facebook under Tena Bastian
My fan page on Facebook is new and you can find me under Tena Coker Bastian
I am also on Twitter under, you guessed it...Tena Bastian

I will catch up here as soon as I get a bit of time but until then, please join me at the above places. Thanks. Happy St. Patricks Day and Thank you GOD for the warmer weather!!!!
Blessings
Tena

Snow Falls Gently... WHAT!?

2010-02-25T07:05:00.002-07:00

Snow falls gently like feathers after a pillow fight. Spring is upon us. WHAT THE HECK?! Enough already. Even I can no longer find inspiration in this winter or the snow or the cold. I want spring! The view from the back of my horse? I havent been on a horse in too long. None of them want to play in a foot of snow. My hubby, Bear, the eternal optimist, looks at me each morning and sees the toll that the lack of sun is doing to my mood and says "Honey spring is just around the corner." I put the pillow back over my face and scream because its either that or strangle him!

We have five acres which to some of you doesn't really seem like a lot but take that 5 acres and spend almost 20 years putting in fencing, a dog boarding kennel the size of the house, bushes, trees, various other obstacles and then try and remove endless amounts of snow from that same 5 acres. Now add to that the hoses and dog toys and tennis balls that I continue to hit with the steel blades of the snow blower and it becomes an Olympic event! Those tennis balls fly clear into the neighbors yard! The hose however, got tangled up in the blades and shut her down cold! By the time we get the hose out of the blades, there is an additional 4 inches of snow so you start over again.

I have been on the internet so often this winter that the Twitter folks and the Facebook friends are now family. I know what each are doing at any given time throughout the day and have even adopted a few and claimed a few more as brothers and sisters. The neighbor posted that she saw four robins in her yard but it is snowing so hard, I can't even see her house!

I said to the dogs yesterday, "Lets go feed the horses". This is something I say every day and with great excitement, they plow through me and run to the barn. Yesterday, two of them ignored me and the third one went upstairs and hid out under my desk. Last week I decided to venture out to the grocery store and got in my car, turned on the wipers and because of the ice on them, they shredded and all I had was the plastic frame of the wiper.

I tried tanning, had a hot flash in the tanning bed and almost passed out. Thought about driving down to Nashville for a few days and they got a snowstorm. Changed all the lightbulbs in the house to 100 watters which worked a bit until I got the electric bill. I need spring. I NEED to be warm. I NEED Bear to lose that positive attitude and say "Honey, lets run away from home and go somewhere warm". I need to know that the neighbors first robins are not buried in the snow or dead from the tennis balls that the snowblower launched at them! I NEED just a hint of green grass, a bud on a single tree or a peek at the sun for more than 2 seconds. I NEED all this white stuff to head north to Vancouver where a Twitter buddy tells me they are wearing flip flops in February. I need to go visit my new brother Keith in Texas or my new sister Emily Jo in Alabama but guess what, they have snow too!

I need to go to Mexico and drink some fruity drink with a little umbrella. Most of all, I NEED to lose these coveralls and winter coat and layers of clothes that weigh a ton. I need an attitude adjustment and I need to mow the grass. Snow falls gently my ass people! It comes in blinding snowstorms, in inches, in feet, and it doesn't go away. March is just a few days away so the view from the back of my horse is winter! I say we leave it in the rear view and just keep riding. PLEASE someone come dig me out of this unforgiving winter and take me to a happy place.

Blessings
Tena

Square pegs and Round Holes

2010-02-01T05:11:00.002-07:00

It is a scientific fact that our thought process is broken up into two basic categories... right brain and left brain thinking. Each of us falls under one or the other category with a rare few of us who are equally able to think with both sides of our brain without suffering through total meltdown.

The left brain person is analytical, processes thought through reason and sticks to the fact. Shit happens, they deal with it and they move on, never to think about it again. They are good at math, science and see a situation on a single plain. They are rarely descriptive and do not tend to "get" exageration or sometimes even humor.

The right brain person in creative, sometimes tend to exagerate such as "a BILLION" of something instead of the left brain thinking of "exactly 238" of something. They are descriptive when telling a story and insert emotion into a story such as "Oh my gosh, I was so frightened". Their humor is sometimes misunderstood by the left brain thinker and they are perceived as eccentric at times. They may not be good at spelling or math but they will tell a good story.

I am a right brain thinker and my husband is a left brain thinker and here is a perfect example of a typical conversation that is lost in translation... We are standing in the line at the grocery store behind a man who is listening to me recount my hectic day to my husband. He smiles as I tell Bear about fighting with the insurance company in an effort to get them to pay for his most recent hospital stay. This is left brain thinking and it wears me out completely. Bear says
"When we leave here, do you want to go to Wal Mart and pick up a few more things?" I say
"Honey, all I want to do is go home and release the girls", referring to the fact that my bra is too tight and I need to take it off. The man chuckles as he gets my attempt at humor. Bear responds by saying
"I walked them before we left home!" In his active left brain thought process, he thought I was being literal and referring to our two dogs, "the girls". The man in front of us is now laughing to the point where tears are streaming down his cheeks, obviously he is a right brain thinker and sees the humor in the misunderstanding.
"Never mind". I tell my confused husband.

Sitting in H&R Block the other day while my tax person, Jody is asking me questions such as,
"Now what percentage of your home is your office and what percentage of your property taxes and insurance goes to the kennel?" My creative mind is thinking about the total "math" of the questions and suddenly goes completely blank. She keeps talking and my brain has shut down in defense of avoiding the thought process that is required to answer her questions. Suddenly, all I am hearing is "Blah, blah, blah" because I have inadvertently tuned her out. To me, being a right brain thinker, I am a square peg and Jody is trying to engage me in a left brain conversation which to me is a big round hole. Folks, no matter how hard ya try, you can NOT fit a square peg into a round hole!

Right brain thinkers or all of us square pegs want to tell a story, we want to elaborate on the details and not try to analyze them. We don't care if the math adds up or if the words are spelled correctly, we want to describe the perfect summer day, not sit with a calculator and figure out exactly what time the sun rose and set. We want to be out riding our horses instead of figuring out how much fencing to buy to build them a corral. We want to play, not evaluate and we want to take off our bra at the end of the day and release "the girls" and we want our husbands to understand that we are not referring to walking the dogs!

Lately it feels as though this square peg has been shoved into too many round holes in her every day life. Taxes, paying bills, balancing the checkbook, dealing with insurance companies, I long for a cold drink, some island music and a sunny beach. I long to tell a story without having to explain every detail, I long for time with another right brain thinker so they understand me without having to explain myself. I long for all the round holes to either expand so I fit in them better or close completely so I dont have to worry about fitting in where I dont belong.

Aside from this blog, I havent had time to write a single creative word since my last two books were released and I am bursting at the seams to set aside all my left brain tasks and just give in to a few days of creative thinking! That is the view from the back of my horse...a world full of other square pegs and the demise of our lives being bogged down with responsibility, endless round holes that we just can't seem to fit into. I LOVE all the left brain thinkers in my life but if you are a right brain thinker, give me a call now and then and dream with me, lets talk about everything but nothing too important or analytical. Let's not get sucked into those round holes and forget how to play. I don't have all the answers to the questions that are being asked of me but I can tell you a story! I can't tell you how to balance your checkbook but I can tell you where to hide it for a while so you just dont have to deal with it. I can't tell you what time the sun rises and sets but for the time between sunrise and sunset, I can sure as hell take you on a horseback ride that won't ever forget! So if you are a right brain thinker, go play and let the left brain thinkers be repsonsible for the details.
Blessings
Tena

Corey and Megan

2010-01-22T15:02:00.003-07:00

Greetings ya'all!

When our family gathered as the years rolled on, I always looked forward to all my neices and nephews but Corey and Megan made me excited to see another holiday. Why?, you might ask. Because they were as crazy as me. These two girls made me laugh ALL the time. We would all hold hands and grandpa would lead us in prayer and God help me, I could not look at Corey or Megan. Making eye contact with either of them would start the giggles. Not just us but it had that ripple effect that would make its way to my daughters and their brothers and before ya know it, grandpa would be giving us the "evil" eye for giggling during his blessing. Oh we were always sorry but that never stopped us from giggling. Once at Christmas, grandpa accidently said "Lord we are here to celebrate the DEATH of Christ"... Now we all knew he meant the BIRTH of Christ but we giggled none the less.

Even when these two were really little, they were funny. At a birthday party for grandma, Megan ate like 1000 chicken wings while Corey and I cracked up! Ok so maybe it wasnt 1000 but ya know I tend to exagerate and I promise it was more wings than any little girl should ever consume. She weighed about 50 lbs or so at the time! Teaming up for Easter egg hunts, wedding preparations, whatever the occasion might be, we were unstoppable!

The years flew by and they both grew up and got married and Corey has a son, Wyatt who is adorable. Both married husbands that I adore! The thing I miss is seeing them as often as I used to. We will still get together and giggle now and then but life gets busy and silly little girls grow up and now we will have to settle for text messages and emails.

The reason my blog is about Corey and Megan today is that these two girls have taken their awesome talents for design and have each started their own line of clothing and today, I celebrate the women that they have become and I wanted to share their new projects with you. Corey is older by like two minutes (exagerating again) so we will start with her. www.Regencyprep.blogspot.com is her blog until she gets her website up and running. Please go there and see her awesome clothing line and my fellow cowgirls... she has some western stuff coming soon. The rock and roll guitar is my fav so far. Please check it out.

Your next stop should be www.robertandmegan.blogspot.com which is Megans blog until her company website is up and running. Her new business is "Angelic Endeavor: A Breath Of Heaven." These precious little dresses that she designs are so incredible! Please check them out and say hello while you're there.

So today, the view from the back of my horse are the two little giggley girls that grew up when I wasn't looking and I can not tell you enough how very proud I am of them and how much I love them. They have become talented independant women and business owners. Watch these sisters closely because I promise you that they are going to set the world on fire with their talent!!!

Corey and Megan, thanks for making my life a little more silly and a lot less serious. I hope you never lose your sense of humor and that your lives will always have a place for Auntie T. Love you.

A Horse To Fill The Void

2010-01-16T04:34:00.002-07:00

For over 15 years, I looked out my widow to see Beau, our stallion looking back toward the house in anticipation of the next time I would come out to play and I smiled. When I was in a hurry and the bugs were biting, I would pick up a bottle of fly spray and he would meet me at the fence, line up to be sprayed and turn around when I asked so I could get the other side. He would stand in the palpation chute / bathing chute and when I tipped my head to one side, he mocked me. Tip it to the other side and he would do that too. Nod my head and he nodded. Tap his nose with the end of my lead rope in a halter class, and he would stretch his nose out and show off his beautiful muscled neck. He didnt come to us knowing all these things because horses arent born to please you. It is respect that is earned and paid for through the hours you spend with them.

His little barn was the first one we ever built here and now it stands empty. Not completely because Bear had this idea that if we parked the tractors in there, it wouldn't look so sad and lonely but try as I may, the tractor doesnt meet me at the gate, doesnt bring me its halter when it wants to come out. A tractor doesn't smell like that horse that just got a bath and is drying in the sun. A tractor doesn't fill the void left by a horse that was part of who you are and then died. When I pick up the fly spray, the tractor doesn't line up at the fence and make me laugh. Tractors have no personality really and always break down when the grass is long and needs to be mowed. A horse will eat all that grass and doesn't require near as much maintanance as a tractor. The tractor doesnt even fit in the damn bathing chute!

Sure I have considered putting another horse in his paddock to fill the void but my options are limited. In the other paddock, there are 3 horses. Cher, my old mare from Texas, Hootie, Beaus son, a gelding that is very cool but young and green and prefers to be with his mother. Then there is Nova. Ahhh, Nova the paint came to us a short while ago from a friend who had to part with her and by golly, she is a pretty mare for sure! Nova came out of the trailer kicking and rearing and basically being a mare. Beau was a stallion and I would take a stallion over a mare any day. Catching Nova is no problem because the moment you enter the paddock, she comes to you immediately. With pinned ears and bared teeth! That is until she sees the bottle of fly spray, then she runs circles around you kicking at you all the while. If there is food involved, she pins her ears and attacks you because she is sure you are going to take it away. If you try to get near Hootie or Cher, she attempts to get around them to rip your face off. No amount of time with her has ever proven to be enough to break her of being a bitchy mare and if I moved her to Beaus paddock, Bear, hubby on blood thinners would make her his project and the only person she hates more than me is him. We already spend far too much time in the E.R. as it is.

I miss the days of foaling mares and new babies and foaling parties sitting up with friends til the wee hours of the morning waiting for a mare to foal. I miss breeding season with Beau because he was so easy to handle and so willing to just do his job and go back to the sweet horse he used to be. I miss his entertaining manner and his genuine desire to please you.I miss the way you could just crawl up on him and he would sidepass me down the rail in just a halter and lead rope. I miss Beau. The view from the back of my horse is all the wonderful years we had with him and how beautiful he was.

The fact is that no horse can fill the void left by another horse that you loved and lost just as no other person can fill that void. Horses are different just as people are and try as you may, you can;t replace them. I would love nothing better than to put a nice dead broke gelding in that corral so when things get tough in life and I get a minute break from taking care of everyone, I can renew my soul by just riding a sweet horse instead of risking my life with the mare from hell. Yesterday, I wnet in to scrub the water buckets and fill them and sure as I am standing, here she comes. Nova, ears pinned and teeth bared ready for a fight. Close behind her was Hootie, Beaus son who had enough, I think and as she approached me at a full trot, he chased her off to the back of the pasture and then walked slowly over to me and stood there to be loved. It was so nice to see that Hootie has inhereted his sires sweet nature and loving attitude. I spent almost two hours with him, brushing him and as I did, Cher came over and took her turn and it did make me feel better. Slowly, Nova came over and I thought to myself, there is hope for her yet. I waited until she got close enough to put on a halter and lead and she stood quietly. Hootie stood close as if to tell her, behave or I am going to kick your ass. I brushed her, combed her mane, led her around while Hootie and Cher followed and then removed the halter and lead rope and turned her loose. Ears pinned, teeth bared, she kicked up at me as she ran off. Mares. Some are just not loving, easy going horses and certainly not the horse of choice to fill the void here.

For now, the tractor will have to fill the void in the front paddock where that lovely stallion used to live. The carrots and apples will just continue to pile up there because try as I might, that damn tractor will never actually eat them. None of the halters really fit well and for sure, that piece of shit doesn't smell like a horse. The neighbors are beginning to worry about the extensive amounts of time I am spending talking to the tractor and complaining a little about the sound that Beaus brushes make on the metal, like fingers on a chalkboard. Someday, hopefully in my lifetime, I will find a horse that I can put in that front paddock and I will look out the window and he will look back at me in anticipation of a good ride. In the meantime, I will work with Cher and Hootie and even Nova and when spring comes and the tractor sheds its winter coat, maybe it will shed out to be a beautiful palomino color. Hey, it could happen! On another note...Laura, stop stalking me. Haha
Blessings
Tena

PROJECT 200 TOYS!

2009-11-18T03:10:00.002-07:00

As the end of November approaches way too quickly, my thoughts turn to those men and women who serve our country. More specifically, the children of our soldiers who will spend the holidays without them. Project 200 Toys is the best way I can think of to thank them and time is running out. The goal is to collect 200 toys for military children that range in age from infant to 12 years old. Both boys and girls and the deadline is November 30th. We have not reached our goal yet so the push is on folks.

There are several ways for you to take part in this. I ask you to come together in this effort by sending an unwrapped toy or toys to Tena Bastian/C/O Bear Back Ranch and Kennel / 2742 County Road E/Swanton, Ohio 43558. If you are close enough to Swanton, you can also drop toys off and place them under our Project 200 Toys Christmas tree. Another way, in order to save on shipping costs is to purchase a gift card in any amount from either Walmart or Toys R Us and mail it. Still another fast way is to go to www.walmart.com and order your gift card using a credit card and giving them the address above to have it mailed.

The spirit of the holidays is about giving to those less fortunate than ourselves and we want to make sure that these children have awesome holiday memories even though their parents will not be with them this Christmas. Please take a few moments to pitch in and help us reach our goal of 200 toys. We are half way through November and we are not halfway to our goal of 200. Spread the word, spread the love and from all of us here at Bear Back Ranch and Kennel...Happy Holidays.

If you are or know of a company that can help, please do not hesitate to call me. (419) 826-5129 or (419) 392-4036. I look forward to hearing from you.
Blessings
Tena

That Ole Yellow Horse

2009-11-18T03:03:00.001-07:00

That Ole Yellow Horse
A Tribute To
This Beaus Eligible

There are times in our lives when we just put all reason aside and do what our heart tells us is the right thing to do. Many, many years ago when we were young and impulsive, we happened across a horse tied to the bumper of a pick up truck with a big logging chain around his hind leg. His coat was faded, his leg infected, his body, frail and his spirit seemed broken and we brought him home. All we knew about the horse at the time was that he was a stallion, he was a Palomino and he was in desperate need of attention or he was most likely going to die. What we didn’t know was that he would change the course of our lives forever.

Today is my birthday and as I sit here at my computer early this morning, I can’t think of a more fitting way to start my day than by telling you the story of This Beaus Eligible or Beau as he became known as to so many people. You see, Beau is not just any horse, he is the heart of this family, the center of how we raised our children, the glue of what has kept Bear and I married for the last thirty years. He is the horse version of those people you meet that have “it”, that indescribable something special that just makes them stand out and draws you to them. He is the subject and inspiration of not one but two of my books and although there is a chapter in The Horses We Love, The Lessons We Learn that tells the story of how we met Beau, it is not the whole story and certainly not the story from the very different perspective that I have this morning.

Beau was so sick that October day when we brought him to live here with us that we thought he was only going to be with us a short time. We had no idea looking back that he would survive the winter much less grace our lives for fourteen years. Beau is almost 20 years old. I remember his first day with us as though it was yesterday and today, I feel his last day as though my heart will break into a million pieces and I will never survive this day. You see, Beau has been diagnosed with cancer, a malignant tumor which has the high probability that it has gone to his lungs as well as his glands. It is a high grade malignancy with necrosis, hemorrhage and inflammation, which is what the pathologist found. The vet palpated him and found that it has spread to his glands as well. What we have found is that the tumor has doubled in size in less than a week, it is causing him pain and the light in his beautiful eyes is fading. He picks at his food here and there and when I go into his paddock, he gently lays his forehead against my chest as if to say “I’m tired and it hurts”.

As I said, there are times in our lives when we put all reason aside and do what our heart tells us is the right thing to do and after careful consideration, our hearts tell us that this horse has lived his life with dignity and grace and if we truly love him, we have to find the grace to let him go before the cancer continues to eat away at him, remove piece after piece of him until there is nothing left and possibly give us another month or even a year with him but we would be doing that for us, not him. We know winter is coming and they are tough on him and we know that cancer grows and spreads. Today is about doing what our hearts tell us is best for him and today is about honoring his life.

Our Beau has brought so much joy to so many peoples lives. Through his presence, the babies he has produced, the accomplishments that he has to his credit, the memories of Christmas morning going out to feed him while everyone anxiously waited to open presents, his curiosity as we brought one of his new born foals out to introduce him to his new son or daughter, hauling him 17 hours to Oklahoma to place at the World Show, laughing as the tornado sirens sounded while we were collecting him one spring day and rushing in the pouring rain to put him away before the hail started, side passing him down the rail of the front arena as he moved with grace and speed. The stupid man who cracked a bullwhip in his face while I rode him in a demo at the North American Horse Spectacular and the way Beau didn’t even flinch when it happened. His first Grand Champion ribbon, the way he would entertain me in a class tipping his head from side to side and flexing the muscles in his beautiful neck for an approaching judge if I tapped him gently with the lead rope. I walked out to say goodbye to him and tapped him as I had done so many times before and tipped my head to the side and he still remembered.

The first time he mounted the phantom mare for breeding and got so excited that he passed out and we thought he was dead. The way he lines up at the fence to be sprayed with fly spray and actually turns around when I ask him so I can spray the other side. All the friends we have met through our travels, the fact that he is listed in the very first stud book of the National Foundation Quarter Horse Association, greeting people at various equine events and our favorite little corner of the state fairgrounds during Equine Affaire. The way he would stand and tolerate the little barn cat that used to crawl up on his back and sharpen her nails on his wither. The way he smells. OH my God! He smells like I would imagine heaven to smell and the way he shines like no other horse I have ever met. Riding Beau was something that we kept for ourselves and to date, no one has ever ridden him except for us. That horse has moves that literally take our breath away. The way he would stand on his hind legs to look over the concrete wall between his stall and the one next to him just once, to see who his neighbor was. The way he stood quietly while I hugged him and cried during the time that Bear was so sick and having his second open heart surgery. The way he seems to listen when Garrett, our grandson talks to him, he loves children and he loves other animals. Having him in our lives has been like having a buried treasure in your back yard that no one knows is there and now the thought of actually burying him is more than I can comprehend.

He is the subject of two horse books, various magazine articles, is triple registered and when breeding mares, is always a gentleman. He actually poses for photos when he sees a camera and will stand quietly for hours while we bathe and clip and brush him and ya know, I think he actually enjoys it. He has been a huge part of this family through births and weddings and illnesses and deaths and everything in between. Yes, Beau is more than just that ole yellow horse, he is a celebrity in his own right and our lives are blessed to have known him and love him the way we do.

Our hearts are broken and as the sun rises on his very last day, it is with a heavy heart that we say goodbye to our beautiful ole yellow horse who has left his mark on this world in a big way. This family is still together through all the tough times in part because of his love and the lessons he has taught all of us. As I look out my window and see him standing off in a corner with his head hung low, I don’t doubt that it is the right decision but I must admit that it is going to hurt so badly to look out my bedroom window as I have done for 14 years and not see him there at the fence calling for us to get our asses out of bed and come out and play. I wonder if all his babies, some now grown horses themselves, aren’t feeling the pain that is in our hearts today as we say goodbye to this awesome creature.

God speed Beau, you ole yellow horse, to greener pastures full of mares and free of pain. You leave the way you live… with dignity and grace. We love you.

Project 200 Toys!!!

2009-10-23T05:06:00.003-06:00

As most of you know, my daughter has been extremely ill. She has Crohns disease and now either the disease or the treatments seem to have affected her heart. I can't tell you how difficult it is to watch her go through the horrible tests and surgeries and grow thinner and paler as they try to take control of the situation. Our family is fortunate in that although we have been through a lot, we have been through it together and in our lives, we have wonderful memories of holidays and of the day to day struggles.

This is less about us and more about 200 children whos parents are currently serving our country. It is about stepping up and making sure they have fond memories as we did. Its about getting to a point in our lives when we have little control about what happens here so instead, taking all that pent up frustration and turning it into positive energy to help other families.

We have created "Project 200 Toys" which is our effort, with your help, to collect 200 toys for the 180th Fighter Wing of the Air National Guard. Their annual Christmas party is December 3rd and my husband and I want to surprise them with toys for their party. We are giving ourselves now through the month of November to collect 200 toys for their party. We ask for your help with this because we all know that it takes a community to raise a child but it takes all the people we know to raise 200 of them!

We have set aside the reception area of the kennel to pile the toys up until the end of November. We will be taking photos of the pile now and then and posting it to Facebook and Twitter so everyone can see our progress. This is where you come in...

We ask everyone to either mail or drop off an unwrapped toy for a child that ranges in age from 0 to 12 years old, equal amounts of boys and girls, to Bear Back Ranch and Kennel on County Road E in Swanton or if you are mailing it, please send it to Tena Bastian / 2742 County Road E / Swanton, Ohio 43558. If you would rather, a gift card to either Walmart or Toys R Us instead and we will do the shopping for you and add the toys to the pile. Then at the end of November, we will deliver the toys to the powers that be so that Santa can deliver them to these military kids. Please help us help Santa help these 200 kids! Lets all work together to put some positive energy out into the universe for an excellent cause.

I also ask that you send this blog addy to as many people as you can so it keeps going. Post it on your facebook page or on Twitter or Myspace or better yet, send it on to Hasbro or Mattel or Ellen or anyone you feel might be able to help. All I am asking is one toy for each child but the more, the merrier. The countdown begins for Project 200 toys! I will keep a tally and see if we can reach our goal. So the view from the back of my horse is 200 military children whos parents unselfishly serve our country. May they have a merrier Christmas this year because you care enough to help. Thanks all...you rock!
Blessings
Tena

Author Unknown

2009-10-03T03:50:00.001-06:00

Author Unknown
By
Tena Bastian

She is sitting in the hospital, waiting to be seen
Nine months pregnant and barely sixteen
When a voice in her head says “Take a deep breath”
And “pick up the magazine.”
She flips through the pages as she sits there alone
She wants to call her mother and ask if she can come home
When she comes across a letter there on the magazine page
That seems to be written by another young girl approximately her age.
It says…

Mama, I need your guidance
Because I don’t know what to do
I’m scared and alone and I want to come home
Because I feel safe with you.

Through her tears and her pain, as she reaches for her phone
She notices the letter is signed
Author Unknown.

She sits in her car in the parking lot as her world comes crashing down
She has been diagnosed with cancer, a tumor has been found
When a voice in her head says, “Take a deep breath”
And “turn the radio on”.
She flips through all of the channels as she sits there all alone.
She wants to call her husband and ask if he can come home
When she happens across a familiar song there on the radio
That seems to be written by another young woman with a long, long way to go
It says…

Honey, I need your guidance
Because I don’t know what to do
I’m scared and alone and I want to come home
Because I feel safe with you.

Through her tears and her pain, as she reaches for the phone
She notices the radio says
Author Unknown.

She is sitting with her mother on her very last day
She knows it won’t be long now as the seconds tick away
When a voice in her head says, “Take a deep breath”
And “listen to your mom”
She has something important to say to you and you need to hear it before she is gone
So she leans in ever closer as her mother struggles to speak
She takes her hand and kisses her as a tear rolls down her cheek
She says…

Lord, I need your guidance
Because I don’t know what to do
My daughter is scared but I want to come home
Because I feel safe with you

Please help her find the strength Lord, not to miss me when I am gone
It is at that moment that she realizes that it was HIS voice all along
The magazine, the radio, as she takes her final breath
Through the tears and the pain, he was always there from her birth until her death
When she was pregnant, when the tumor was found, every time she felt alone
It was God that loved her, that showed her the way
Until now HE was the
Author Unknown.

Texas Woman

2009-10-03T03:32:00.003-06:00

Good morning ya'all! This is the lyrics of a song I wrote for a friend of mine from Texas. I thought I would share it with you today. Whats new with me? Playing with my mini aussie pups before they are sold and LOVING them. Getting ready to head down to Congress and wishing my friend Emily Jo success on her big trail ride and charity auction next weekend.Hope you enjoy this.

Texas Woman

She wears cowboy boots with cut off jeans
Her nails are painted red
She doesn’t cut and curl her hair
She wears baseball caps instead

She doesn’t care what people think
She pays no mind to what they say
She just smiles that smile that knows it all
Then turns and walks away
Chorus
Don’t ask her what she thinks ‘cause she’ll tell ya
Don’t hold her to what she said
‘cause she’s a fast talking, two stepping, fun loving filly
She’s Texas born and bred

She prefers rodeos to fancy clothes
A well broke horse to a new born foal
Her old Ford truck to your Mercedes Benz
Country to rock and roll

She knows what she wants so don’t try to tell her
Once she’s made up her mind
She is true to herself and true to her friends
But prefers the four legged kind
Chorus
Don’t expect her to know what you want, she’ll surprise you
Just tell her what’s on your mind
‘cause she’s a good loving, two stepping, fun loving filly
She’s a cowboy of the good smelling kind.

Don’t buy her a dress with ribbons and lace
When a new pair of jeans will do
Don’t take her to a fancy party
When she would rather play poker with you

Take her to church on Sunday
To a picnic in the afternoon
But buy her a new set of spurs for her birthday
And she’ll act like you hung the moon.
Chorus
Don’t try to outride her, she’ll kick your ass
The moment she leaves the gate
Cause she’s a hard riding, two stepping, fun loving filly
She’s a woman from the lone star state
Yeah, she’s a fast talking, good loving, hard riding filly
She’s a woman from the lone star state.

Tena Bastian copyright

Trail Riding Through Cyber Space

2009-09-19T04:14:00.003-06:00

You’ve charted your course, saddled your horse, cleaned your leather, checked the weather and the only thing that lies between you and your destination is that old relic of a computer that makes you pull your hair out every time you hit the power button. You know you should have replaced it years ago but between the price of hay, the unexpected Vet bill, the rising cost of everything related to caring for your horse, your hopes of owning that high speed, fully loaded shiny new laptop have been dashed.

Now some of you are asking what a computer has to do with going on a trail ride but most of you computer savvy Tweeters know exactly where this is going. The technological transformation of the equine industry is apparent everywhere we go. Just try to sit through a seminar or a clinic without hearing the distracting orchestra of cell phones ringing or experience the frustration of waiting to enter the show ring while the young girl on the horse in front of you finishes texting her friend and you will understand what I mean. While presenting a seminar at Equine Affaire a couple years ago, a woman in the front row answered her cell phone which was ringing rather loudly and proceeded to have a conversation with the person on the other end so I stopped speaking. I smiled and walked over to the edge of the stage and waited. Everyone laughed and listened as she discussed the beautiful pair of boots she had purchased. Several minutes later, she became aware that she was the center of attention and hung up the phone. The call seemed important so I didn’t want to be rude and interrupt.

Remember the good old days when our time was spent wandering aimlessly through the State Park for hours with no particular place in mind aside from whatever happened to be around the next turn? Remember when the content of our saddle bags was reduced to a first aid kit, a sandwich and a cold drink? It was just you and your horse and the open trails but that has all changed. Now the trail winds through the World Wide Web and I actually saw a saddle bag at Quarter Horse Congress that included a special pocket in which to carry your cell phone.

Don’t get me wrong, fingertip access to the most current information on colic and the advertising opportunities that await you through a web based outlet are exciting and informative. Live updates from Quarterfest when you can’t actually be there is the next best thing. The ability to keep in touch with your horsey friends in real time through Facebook and Twitter and similar sites is addictive but imagine taking it one step further. Imagine, if you will that your relaxing trail ride depended fully on your old outdated frustrating computer. Imagine that your trail ride was a virtual ride that led you astray with error messages and glitches and horse treats were replaced with horse tweets and the only way you could cue your horse was to text him with what you wanted him to do. I imagine it would go something like this…

“Dear Beau (That’s my horses name) there is a cliff ahead and although you are now at a dead run because I have lost control of my reins in an effort to text this message, I need you to hang a left immediately” SEND. Imagine how long that message would take to send if you didn’t have a fancy QUERTY keyboard!

Or lets say you are riding along on your way to Americashorsedaily.com for example and you encounter a huge sign that says “Warning! Your virtual memory is dangerously low!” Now you have no idea what that means much less what to do to get around it and yet there it is, all big and yellow with red letters and standing in your way. This would take our frustration with that old outdated computer to an entirely new level. My point is that although the new technology definitely has a place in the equine industry, trail riding through cyber space would not only be frustrating but dangerous as well.

So I think we need to use a little common sense when mixing horses with technology and follow a few simple rules. Take the cell phone with you on a trail ride in case of an emergency but do not use it to tweet your friends that you saw a deer. If you’re sitting in a clinic or seminar and waiting for an important call, put your phone on vibrate and excuse yourself before you answer it. I don’t think it is an official rule but if you are in a class and you are texting your friends, the judge might take points off for that.

Keep your trail rides real and enjoyable and remember that cyber space has its place and balancing the two is the key. This computer geek is hoping the geniuses of the horse world aren’t developing a saddle with a laptop built in but imagine the possibilities. The view from the back of my horse is all of you, my Facebook friends, my Twitter Tweeps, my partners in the world wide web. Living where I do and being as busy as I am, if it were not for you I would have no time for friends at all I think. The moment I get a text from one of the horses, I am throwing away the new pink Blackberry! That would just freak me out.

If your life becomes more bitter than sweet, meet your friends on twitter and go give your horse a treat.
Blessings
Tena

9-1-1

2009-09-07T04:34:00.003-06:00

I stood at ground zero on the one year anniversary of argueably the darkest day in American history. I took my daughter who had been there the previous April and had taken the most beautiful photo from the ferry of the twin towers. The photo she took hung on my office wall where it remains today. The day of the terrible tragedy, hanging from the ceiling in front of that photo was ironically a model airplane that a friend of hers had made her. I can remember the hair on the back of my neck stood when I walked in my office that morning after the second plane hit the towers to call school and tell them I was coming to pick her up. Seeing the twin towers photo and the airplane just seemed so precognative and surreal. That day changed our lives forever. ALL of our lives. The safety net of being an American and all that it implied was shaken forever. The bottom fell out of our idealistic belief that we could never be taken by such shock and horror that comes with being attacked on our own soil.

To say that we were touched at what we saw as we stood on the NY city streets on that one year anniversary would be an understatement. There were wooden boards for blocks that held memories of the people lost there and tributes to their bravery and sacrifice. Letters from loved ones, photos and flowers. Behind the fragrant breeze of lillies and carnations and roses was the unmistakable smell of loss and death. It lingered in our noses even after a year and now as I reflect back on that day, it lingers still in our collective American soul. For those who lost coworkers and loved ones on that day, life has moved on but no one has forgotten that empty hole that used to be filled with their presence and no one has forgotten the sacrifice they made in the name of freedom. That day was such a wake up call for all of us and it doesn't matter who you are, where you were or what you were doing that early September morning, it changed your life forever.

As we approach the anniversary of that horrible day this week, I wanted to share with you a memory that sticks with me even until this day. It is the memory of one woman who knelt at that wall on the one year anniversary and sobbed. It was quiet and serene along the wall and although the jackhammers pounded and the high pitched sound of the steel workers tools pierced your ears, behind it were whispers of those in attendance. Whispers of memories and curiousity and readings aloud of letters that were left there for all to see but above it all, the moan of that one woman sobbing uncontrolably, her hand on one of the many photos and her knees on bare concrete as her two young children stood beside her in an effort to comfort her. No matter how many people attended that day to pay tribute, in her heart and in her grief, she was completely alone. I assumed that the photo was that of her husband, lost in the tragedy that day and after all these years, I wonder if she has found some assembly of peace and has moved on with her life. I wonder if she returns to the place where her husband perished on that day and most of all I wonder if those reponsible hear her cries as I do so often in my mind when I reflect on that day.

The simple truth is that NONE OF US SHOULD EVER FORGET. That we never forget the sacrifice or the bravery or the loss or how it changed our country's fabric or ever forget that one woman and her children and the cost that came with 9-11 for all of us. It was a very high price to pay for so many and history has shown us that if we do not learn from our mistakes, we are destined to repeat them. What grew out of the ash that covered the streets that day was love and hope and for that, we should be grateful. Because if we are and we remember, then none of them, not even that womans husband died in vein.

The view from the back of my horse is that woman, her children and everyone who was touched by tragedy that day. Having been a 9-1-1 emergency dispatch operator at one point in my life, I have a tack pin that I recieved when I was sworn in and I wear it on my cowboy hat still today everywhere I go because on that day, the pin took on a new meaning for me. I am often asked by people who see it where they can get one and as far as I know, they can't unless they have earned it. They assume that it represents that horrible day and now in so many ways, I wear it for that reason because it makes people remember. The photo of the twin towers that my daughter took that April still hangs on my office wall and beside it, a photo of her standing at the wall one year later. The model airplane that hung in front of it is now long gone but the pictures remain and will stay there until they fade away but for me, the memory of the one woman among thousands of people will never fade. The sound of her grief will never fade and my respect for those lost and those left behind will never fade.

May God bless each and everyone of them and everyone of you as well. We are Americans and we are strong of will and pure of heart and NOTHING will ever take that away because we are survivors and above all... we will never forget.

Blessings
Tena

Celebrating Corn and the County Fair

2009-08-22T04:16:00.002-06:00

Yee Ha!Today is the annual Corn Festival here in Swantucky. There will be a parade featuring corn. Then there will be games and booths and food featuring corn. There will be beer which has little to do with corn but in Swantucky, there is always beer. According to the weather man there will be rain which will make the corn grow but would suck if there wasn't beer. We take our corn seriously here people so come on over and grab a beer.

Our county Fair is in a week and a half and it is a huge deal. Its one of the biggest in Ohio and if you want to haul your camper out there to camp, you have to call on April 1st to reserve a site and if you are fortunate enough to get one, you NEVER give it up. We dont camp often so in our woods is a 1972 camper that sleeps six. We haul that baby out once a year and clean it up and take it to our site and set it up. One year we took a large refrigerator and we had a storm that actually blew the fridge over and tore the screened room we keep there. We spend each night going from campsite to campsite visiting with whomever is making a hobo dinner that night. A hobo dinner consists of sausage, potatoes, cabbage and you guessed it, corn. This has been our Fair routine every year now for 16 years and we are proud to say that our little camper is the ugliest one on the entire campgrounds. Dont knock it, its a Swantucky thing. We used to haul several horses up there back when we showed horses and were 4H advisors but now with our busy lives, we are lucky if we get to actually sleep out there one night. It's still nice to go out in the evenings and drink margueritas and watch the horse shows. As I said, no matter what, NEVER give up your campsite. NEVER!

One year, I had pneumonia and ended up in the emergency room at 4 am and the hospital wanted to admit me but alas we checked me out and went back to the fairgrounds because we had kids showing their horses in a couple hours. We showed up only to be yelled at by the kids parents because we were 20 minutes late. Bear had open heart surgery but his priority was Jen and I going out and setting up our campsite so we wouldn't lose it and go back on the waiting list. We did it for him and after we did, Jen ended up in the hospital and I had to take it all down by myself. It always rains, most often storms, always turns cold after days of seering heat with no shade, people are always stressed and nasty by the third or fourth day and bitchy, but there is the food and the rides and the corn and most of all the tradition that makes us return year after year to the same campsite and take it all in.

So here in Swatucky, we take our Fair seriously. We take our corn seriously and we take our beer and margueritas seriously and if you live here, the one thing you honor is tradition. Time to pull the little camper that sleeps six uncomfortably out of the woods and clean her up. Oh yeah, did I mention that the license plate on it is from 1982? It isn't ours either. I think the person it was originally registered to is dead now. Ahhhh, life in Swantucky! As usual, we will be enjoying the scenic route of the back roads hauling out to Fair. Rednecks who celebrate corn do NOT mess with tradition! You, fellow Swantuckians are the view from the back of my horse today. Rock on!!!

Blessings
Tena

Mama said there'd be days like this

2009-08-20T04:41:00.002-06:00

Yesterday shall go down in the record books as one of the suckiest days but that was yesterday and I woke up this morning to a new one. YEAH! I try not to hold on to those bad ones for very long. If I do, I lose sight of the next day which could be a better one all together. Mama said there would be days like this as the song goes but she also said that if I kissed a boy, I would go blind so I cant believe everything she says.

I entertained myself by going to walmart last night and buying the neighbors baby black pajamas with glow in the dark bones on it. Like a skeleton. Best $3 I ever spent. Kids don't usually care what clothes you put on them unless it glows in the dark and then BAM! They are suddenly interested. He is seven months old, sitting up on his own and has no teeth yet but the dude is a great judge of what is interesting and skeleton jammies totally rock the house! Made me wish I had a pair to fit me.

So looking ahead... our mini aussie Sadie is due to have puppies in two weeks and she is huge! I love puppies. The only thing that would make them any cuter is , you guessed it, skeleton pajamas! Sadie now sprawls out on her belly with all four legs spread out beside her and last night, she did this in our bed and would not move. She had me pinned in one position for the entire night. It was storming so our bed is the most popular place in the house. With five dogs, I have to make reservations ahead of time to find a spot to sleep. Life is good!

Twitter is rocking and I havent been able to join in for a while so since it is going to be a rainy day, time to tweet, my friends. Then of course there is the Carnival Games by WII. Need I say more? It's like being at Fair. So the view from the back of my horse today is being kind to myself, screwing around and accomplishing nothing! I feel I owe it to myself and if I had them, I would spend the day in my skeleton jammies and glow in the dark. Have a good day everyone and mama...there may be days like that but today is not one of them.

Blessings
Tena

The Best advice

2009-08-19T09:06:00.002-06:00

The best advice I have ever recieved is a simple one word that we should do by reflex and yet when things get really hectic, we sometimes forget. I called a friend one day when things were reallyu bad and she listened and then said that one word that I still remind myself of every day when I wake up feeling like that 600 lb weight is on my chest...BREATHE!

My life for almost five years now has been balancing on the edge of my worst fear which is losing my hubby. We still visit the emergency room, live our lives by the way he feels on any given day and get frightened at the possibilities. Recently his left arm has been going numb, he has been feeling nauscous and is tired all the time. Breathe!

He looks pale and his hair is going grey like overnight...breathe. Good advice. It really is but even the best advice is sometimes not enough to stop living in fear of losing him. I am only half of who I am without him and when I look at him, I am reminded of that and the fact that he is not the same as he was and never again will be. But back to the best advice...

The best advice in the world is not going to chenge you unless you genuinely feel it inside yourself. To hear someone say it to you is reassuring for a while but I can tell you that at 4 am when you lie there in the darkness and the scarey thoughts consume you, it is difficult to hear the reassurance and to hear the posisivity and it is difficult to breathe.

Maybe a post it on the headboard would help. Maybe a recording that I could play for myself and maybe just to wake one morning and look at him and know he isnt struggling through all the things we take for granted. Maybe all this would help, I dont know. I live in the moment and in this moment, I am frightened. So the view from the back of my horse is the best advice I have ever gotten and I pass it on to you. No matter how bad it seems, it could be worst and no matter how bad it actually gets, we have to remind each other and ourselves... to breathe.
Blessings
Tena

As summer draws to an end

2009-08-17T16:21:00.003-06:00

What?! Did I really just say that?! Summer drawing to an end. I think I did and I am sorry but it is what it is and there aint notta thing we can do about it. This is where I say "but heres the good news" but there aint no good news really. Oh wait, thought of one...hurricane season. Thats right, hurricane season. See my friend Emily Jo taught me a new game.

Jim Cantone I think his name is, maybe Bill but I think it's Jim. I did get the Cantone part right however is a weather man who says "Hunker down!" Now I say that all the time but when HE says it, do a shot! So Hurricane Bill is building strength and when he does, ya'all better HUNKER DOWN. SHOT! Sweet!

Sweet as in short and sweet for todays blog. The view from the back of my horse is most definately Jim (or Bill) Cantone from the weather channel. Ya'all hunker down now and keep those shots coming!
P.S. I miss summer. :( I vow to everyone to wear my flip flops till the first four inches of snow falls on the ground!) That is me being rebellious. Im gonna hunker down no matter how cold my feet get and just deal. Maybe with a shot or two of that delicious Firefly vodka sweet tea! SWEET!

Blessings
Tena

Talent, Telephones and Talking with new friends

2009-08-04T04:54:00.002-06:00

Talent... Remember this name people...Emily Jo Peak because she is one of the most talented photographers I have had the pleasure to meet and is just now starting to shoot professionally. In my line of work, I see a lot of photography but hers has that "it" factor and I have to do a project with her. She rocks and any magazine who doesn't contact her and use her is not thinking clearly.

Telephones... In November, I renewed my service with Verizon and used my renewal to get hubby a new phone after he washed his in the washing machine...oops! I was told that his would renew in August and I could get my new pink Blackberry that I so badly want. Yesterday I finally turn my calender to August and there is the note I made myself to call Verizon. Ironically, my env has been acting crazy so I took the time to call. They said when I renewed mine, they changed the date of hubbys renewal and blah blah blah, I cant get my new pink Blackberry!Now what I want to know is why a new person who may or may not pay their bill on time as I do or may or may not be a good loyal customer for as many years as I have been can have the damn phone but I can't. Loyalty is priceless and I pay a LOT of money for our three phones every month and unless I pay full price for my phone, I can't actually use their service when my EnV finally dies. I don't pay full price for anything! Pink is my signature color and Verizon... you suck.

Talking with new friends... I was invited to go to a friends barn and meet some people from Texas that share a few mutual friends with me and it was really busy here but we decided to take a break and catch the end of this persons clinic and chat for a while. Brent Graef and his wife Kris are especially nice people who all of you should get to know. At the very least, sign up for Brent's clinic if he is in your area. You will love it. o the view from the back of my horse is Clinician Brent Graef and his wife Kris, welcome to Ohio, again. It was very nice to meet you both. From the back of my horse, I can also see the vast open space of Verizon's millions of new customers who are loving their pink blackberries while I answer my EnV that is gauranteed to drop your call if I can dial it at all because the battery wont hold a charge and the talent of Emily Jo who is easily found on Twitter and FB. Happy trails to all of you

Blessings
Tena

Oklahoma

2009-07-27T03:29:00.002-06:00

Well I just got back from a little town in Oklahoma called Burns Flat. I am not sure how many people live there because I only saw a few but it is near Cordell and quite a drive from the airport in Oklahoma City. I woke every morning to sit on the front porch and watch the cow babies and the horses play in the vast pasture that is their yard. I am sure they didnt know what to think of me walking out every morning and yelling "COW BABIES!"

I drank Firefly vodka sweet tea with my friend Holly and went fishing at the junction with the water moccasins and Holly's family. Oooo, maybe I should have mentioned the people before the snakes? Oh well, they know I love them. Did I mention the firefly vodka? I dented my head crawling into Holly's truck. Played with the horses, got mauled by cattle when the trigger to the automatic feeder on the truck broke while out in the pasture. We ate awesome Mexican food and took lots of photos for an article I am working on. Loved the red dirt and blue sky and 1000 degree temps!

My job may not pay much, being a writer but I can tell you it makes up for it in spades when I get the opportunity to call this work at all. The view from the back of my horse is my buddy Holly Clanahan and her hubby Chad and their many, many acres of animals. Had a great time, my friend. Thanks for the AQHA bling. Thanks for the friendship, the Firefly and oh yeah, the big dent in my head! Love ya

Blessings
Tena

Fish, Friends and Finishing What I Started

2009-07-18T03:56:00.004-06:00

Some days, the world seems to be moving way too fast for me to keep up with it. When this happens, I just shut out the world and go spend time with my ole pal, Hootie. I've been sneaking more and more time with this horse and his mother, Cher and their friend the paint, Nova. At our farm, that is the most quiet, least demanding area and aside from a flake of hay and a full water bucket, they don't really ask anything of me. Beau, our stallion is cool too but when I walk out the back door, which I do quite often throughout the day, he calls to me to come and spray him with fly spray. He is obsessed with the ritual and I can be in the house ten minutes and walk back out the door andf he lines up at the fence and whimpers for me to pick up that fly spray. I spray him and he actually turns around for me to hit the other side. Then he is happy until I walk out the back door again.

As a writer, I have an editor. She (or he) edits everything I say so that it looks more intellegant on the written page. This way, I seem more insightful and more educated and well... just more. I am really grateful for editors. I have decided that I need one to edit my life. The decisions I make, the people I allow close to me, how I spend my time. I need a life editor to keep me focused on getting things done such as articles and this blog, the childrens books that I write for every child born to someone close to me. I need an editor who tells me when I have been on twitter too long and to tell me to RUN when I meet someone who is later going to cause me grief. To stop me when I am about to say something stupid and most of all to cover my butt when I need to go spend time with the horses. She could take my cell phone and my email and the kennel phone and just edit my life while I play. Anyone want to sign up for this position, the pay sucks, the hours are brutal but I promise you will never get bored as there is always something that needs to be done.

So moving on... FISH. We built a garden with a little pond just outside my office window so I would have a quiet place to go when I wasn't busy. First of all there is not one place or one moment anymore that is not busy or quiet now that the dog kennel is in full swing and the phone is always ringing and people are coming and going but it's pretty and I can hear the water bubbling as I write and that is really relaxing. Soooo we bought fish for the pond. How fun! Bear put a big bucket with holes in it so they could get out of the sun and plants and ledges for the tadpoles to climb out when they grow legs and turn into bullfrogs. One morning I go out there to find they are missing. Not floating, not sucked into the filter, just gone. After a long discussion as to where they might have gone, we go and buy more fish but this time, we are going to watch more closely to see if we can figure it out. The pond is a long way from the barn and it is nestled in a garden with a fence around it. I've seen birds land and drink from it or eat the seed I leave for them nearby but no raccoons or predators have ever been seen nearby. Then one day I walk out to find the orange barn cat, Redford sitting on the shale rock on the bucket, the little island of the pond with his arm all the way up to his shoulder submersed in the water fishing. REDFORD! I yell and I startled him, he lost his balance and fell into the water. Mystery solved. The damn cat has been fishing in my pond. Expensive meal for a barn cat.

FRIENDS... friends can sometimes be like that damn cat. You feed them with kindness, you open your door to them and what do they do? They eat your fish! Someone should invent a friend filter that warns you of which friends are going to be good ones and which ones are well, just psychotic. My life editor certainly would have warned me about this one. A year ago I met a woman who wanted a horse. Now don't get me wrong, I have some really good friends both old and new that I thoroughly enjoy but then there are ones such as... we shall call her ...ummmm Worm. For no particular reason aside from the fact that she wormed her way into my life and then ate my fish. Worm wanted a horse. I had two we werent using so they moved in to her barn. We made her wait a month before we gave her the horses so we would be sure she wouldnt change her mind because that is a big decision. The month passed, the horses moved, she also had two donkeys. Then three weeks to the day I recieve a call that she wants to get rid of everyone and everything and I needed to come get them because she was depressed and just wanted them gone. She wasnt a horse person and she had gone off her meds and was falling apart. So I did what any friend would do and helped her find a place for all four animals. The donkeys went to Ernies and the horses went to another lady around the corner. I couldn't bring them back here because I had taken the opportunity to strip the fencing in that pasture and rebuild it. Hootie and his crew were in the other pasture. She appologized up one end and down the other and I let it go, encouraged her to go back on her meds and she vowed she would NEVER change her mind. She showed up at my house and gave me a pretty little saddle and bridle and various tack to thank me for helping her. Nice!

Then the other day, almost a year to the date and completely out of the blue, she called to say "remember that saddle and bridle I LOANED you?" "Well I bought more horses and need it back." I said WHATTT??? My first thought was this woman was not a horse person by any definition, she gave me the saddle for helping her get through a really tough time, I had four saddles so I would not have borrowed one from her and oh my gosh, she is off her meds again. I recounted the events that had transpired the year before and toldher that the saddle had been passed on to someone who neeeded one and I wasnt sure if I even had the bridle anymore but would look when I had some time. The following morning she called to say she was going to come over and help look for the bridle. I had 14 dogs all together and was packing to go to Oklahoma and was really busy. She would not actually get the new victims, I mean horses for a month so there was no rush, right? No. I went out and dug through twelve boxes of tack and could not find THE bridle. I called and told her that I would just pay for the saddle and bridle but couldn't find it and didn't have any more time to look. She declined and this was followed by about six more phone messages about how she wanted to continue to be my friend, not to be mad at her, she doesn't really remember what she said because she was not right at the time. All of which I simply ignored and went about my busy day. At some point in the conversations, she told me that she had also been calling Ernie to get her donkeys back a year later. I bet he is feeling about as angry as I am at the moment but am afraid to call him. Sooo heres to a friend filter that filters out indian givers, people who dial my digits way too often and people who can't decide what they want in life. Saddle gone, bridle gone, horses gone, donkeys gone and a year gone by. Move on.

Long winded I know but now finishing what I started... I am headed to Oklahoma this week to write an article for a fairly new magazine who hired me to write two articles. One, I already sent in. The second article is about a wonderful man who recently passed away, a cattle man and the father of a friend. My reservations and research were set about three weeks ago. and I am due to leave in a few days. I have made an attempt to touch base with the editor at least five times since then and have recieved no response from her. I am a little concerned because she is supposed to reimburse me for my travel and I have a couple questions for her before I go. I think it is important to tell this mans story and to finish what I start andI have quite a bit of time into this particular article. So the plan is to go and get the story and write the article regardless. Then maybe my life editor can help me decide what to do from there. So Oklahoma, here I come. A few days with friends, some research and who knows, maybe itwill all work out and maybe it will end up in a different publication but either way, my job is to tell a story so thats what I intend to do.

So the view from the back of my horse is not the fish, the friends or finishing what I started, its the little corner of the farm where Hootie and his crew reside and after I finish this blog entry, spray Beau with his fly spray and find me a life editor, I will be taking the phone off the hook and headed to the back of the woods to spend time with my horse because thats what is important and that is where things become clear to me. My horses, they speak volumes without even saying a word.

Blessings
Tena

Biting the Hand That Feeds You

2009-06-13T04:06:00.008-06:00

Part of a song I wrote goes...
"Don't kiss a boy or you'll go blind, don't bite the hand that feeds you, Don't cut off your nose to spite your face because there's too many people who need you."
It's just a humorous little diddy about advice my mother gave me growing up that made absolutely no sense at the time and I thought she was crazy (well actually she was but that aside) some of it was good advice.

Two dogs checked into our boarding kennel the other day and one is just as nice as can be but the second one tried to take my arm off when I reached in his run to fill his bowl with food. I was trying to do something nice for him and he returned the favor by trying to bite me. I guess he never met my mother. I remember when I was writing Tips and Tidbits For The Horse Lover, I was writing a tip about never feeding your horse your fingers, being careful to approach them with an open palm because horses have peripheal vision and can not see what is directly in front of them. On that particular day, I didnt heed my own advice and for the first time in my life, one of the horses bit the tip of my finger. Ironic, isn't it?

Anyway, some people are just like that mean dog, you go out of your way to do something nice for them and they bite you. Not literally but figuratively. I have never understood this but it seems the more you do for them, the more they bite you. Now you would think we would learn and just stay away but when you care for those people, you just continue to ignore the biting and do more for them. Then one day, you are in enough pain that it registers and you learn your lesson and you stop doing for them. Ahhhh, but now they have come to expect it and they resent you for not feeding them with your kindness. Their anger and expectation grows and because they haven't learned to do for themselves and have come to depend on you to do for them, they lash out in an attempt to put their universe back on its axis where you give and they take.

Instead of realizing how much you have given them and learn to give back in appreciation, they blame you for everything that has gone wrong in their life and you become the enemy. The smart thing to do is to just walk away and allow them to grow as a person by learning to do for themselves. Then the third party biting begins. This is where you hear from a third person what a horrible human being you are because the biter says it is so, not to your face but to the third party which hurts even more than the original bite. If you confront the biter with the hurtful things they said, you are just putting yourself back within biting range which is stupid and since nothing is ever their fault, (just ask them) the fault falls on you through the third party. Are you with me so far or have I lost you yet?

I tuned the mean dog and his grateful, fun loving friend loose in the play yard. The food was already in the yard, prepared by me as always however both dogs were unaware that I was the one that gave them the food. The nicer of the two dogs came to me for attention wagging his tail and then went directly to his food. When he was finished, he was content and went to lie down and bask in the sunshine. The mean dog? He didn't notice the food, hair standing on end ready to attack, he came at me and I turned my back on him. He was expecting me to feed him and I ignored him completely. He growled in an attempt to get me to give him food. I continued to ignore him. The food was there, the only thing that changed was that he had to go out in the world and find the food himself. I was no longer willing to risk the bite by giving him the food. He eventually found the food while his friend lay at my feet content just to be in my presence. A loyal dog who understood that unless he met me with love and respect, he was on his own. Unless he showed gratitude at the fact that I was willing to feed him at all, he would have to figure it all out on his own.

It made me realize that when we do too much for the people we love and that effort is not met with loyalty and respect, we are doing them a terrible injustice. We are robbing them of the ability to do things for themselves, to go out in the play yard and find the food for themselves. When we do too much for them and it is not met with love loyalty and respect, we are teaching them that it is all right to bite the hand that feeds them because they have come to rely too much on the fact that you are always going to feed them with your love and generousity whether they bite you or not.

The view from the back of my horse today is that nasty, mean dog who taught me a very important lesson about human nature. Also his friend who taught me that when I put myself out there for the people I love, I should expect nothing less than love and loyalty and respect in return. So go ahead and kiss a boy because you probably wont go blind but don't feed the ones that bite you because if you truly love them, they need to learn that biting is absolutely unacceptable and when someone reaches their hand out to you when you need them, never bite them.

Blessings
Tena

Tribute To Skipper

2009-05-30T04:09:00.001-06:00

After a day like today, I feel like some appreciation needs to go out to one particular palomino gelding named Skipper. If none of you mind.

Skipper belonged to a rather well off family here in my area way back about 25 years ago. He walked in a class and came out with blue ribbons. He worked hard for them and always made it seem easy. He has babysat more of our youth in this area than any horse I know. He was kind, loving, probably more so than most people I've met. When Skipper retired, he was sold for a mere $300 to the girls next door from me. I would go out to feed my horses and Skipper would stand at the fence and watch. He has had his fair share of aches and pains over the years and of course he was the last one of the herd to shed out his winter coat. Once he did, he shined! He was a horse that anyone could ride and everyone wished they had 100 of.

Early this morning, I received a call from the girls asking me if I would bring over some syringes and needles as Skipper wasn't feeling well and they wanted to get the banamine out. It was too early to get hold of the vet. By the time I got over there, another friend had already given him a shot and he stood with his head low and was still in a lot of pain. We recounted his wonderful career and his 28 years on this earth. It was with a very heavy heart but in his best interest that they made the decision to call the vet a few hours later and have Skipper put down. He was old and tired and had a great life here on earth. I watched from my barn as Sherry walked him down the path between their pasture and mine and every single horse called to him and lined up at the fence as he took his final walk to the back of the woods. Not because they were upset, you see but because Skipper was a legend and they wanted to give him his due.

I recalled all the times I stood in awe as he beat our horses in class after class over the years and how angry my daughter would get because she couldn't beat that horse. He was the horse that every other horse aspired to be. When he retired, he had such a wonderful home with people who loved him.

I awoke yesterday after a hard rain to find one perfect flower in full bloom in my garden and I think God put it there for a reason because it seemed fitting that such a perfect horse should get this perfect, beautiful flower in tribute to all he has accomplished in his life. I wrapped it in white daisies and lay it on Skipper's grave this afternoon. So all of you horse people, please keep Skipper in your thoughts today and also Mary and Sherry for loving him enough to make the most difficult decision that we ever have to face.

The view from the back of my horse is Skipper...God has one more perfect gelding in his herd.
Blessings
Tena

Finding Comfort

2009-05-27T07:15:00.002-06:00

Life can be stressful but there are ways to find comfort and peace. Sometimes it comes in the form of a sunny beach and a cold drink and a cababana boy seeing to your every need but lets get real.

Comfort comes in many forms and sometimes the simplest things can renew your soul if you just learn to relax. Walking out to the barn and watching the horses run as you release them into the pasture. A hot cup of tea and a purring cat sitting in your lap. Waking up to sound of your loved one breathing deeply as they sleep next to you. The sun coming out after a storm. Sitting in the garden pulling weeds while you admire the new growth and the flowers blooming. A deep breath.

The best comforts are the ones you give to those around you. Since my daughter got sick, I found that when she gets to that point where she really can't keep anything down, I see it coming and I start baking. Banana bread is her comfort food so I make two loaves. One for now and one for the freezer. I also bake cookies and freeze them in large ziplock bags and when its time to go to the hospital, I grab them on the way out the door. In one year, I lost both my dad and my brother and when Joe, my brother was ill, I used to go visit him in his resident room and bring the ipod with me. I would put the ear buds in his ears as he slept and play his favorites for him. My dads favorite song was Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain and he loved Patsy Cline so that is what I played for him during those last few hours and it took him to a better place than the fear of dying.

I find comfort in giving comfort to others even if it just little things. I allow my daughter to go shopping in my closet when she is feeling down because she used to love to shop before money got so tight. I write to bring comfort to others and I measure my success by emails I recieve telling me that it made a difference in someones life. So the view from the back of my horse today is comfort and giving it to others and what a difference that it makes in changing the world. So today, I ask you to not only try to find comfort for yourself but offer it to someone else. Bake a bread, donate to your favorite charity, a hug, a compliment, a smile. It doesn't have to be a huge effort but rather a small gesture. Take a box of milk bones to the local animal shelter, brushing your horse offers comfort to him as well as to yourself. If someone calls you with a problem, you don't have to make it your problem but listen, take the time to give them a shoulder to cry on and then tell them you love them.

I think comfort is the key to putting our world back on its axis. It also makes the best gift I can possibly think of. Have a good day today and go in search of comfort for yourself and those around you.

Blessings
Tena

Four Letter Words

2009-05-26T14:14:00.002-06:00

Hmmm. I know a lot of four letter words and lately I have used most of them in very creative ways. I certainly have used them more often than usual lately but I always try to replace them with four letter words that aren't quite so abrasive.

Hope...This one is a favorite of mine although I find that I am losing this one. I try and open my mouth to say it and the strangest thing happens. I am finding that I can no longer form the word.

Cash...shoot! That one was gone a really long time ago. I dont even say that one out loud in my head anymore.

Cure... Still holding out for that one. That is where hope comes in most often.

Liar...The worst kind are the ones that look you straight in the eye before they dare to lie to you. I avoid that one all together.

Help...I used to have a lot of trouble asking for this one. I was always better at offering it. Circumstances have sure changed that. Now that one seems to have several exclamation marks after it.

Luck... Hahahahaha! Sat down this weekend to have a relaxing meal with my husband at the glass topped patio table and it shattered into a million pieces. We decided it was symbolic of our lives lately and have decided to call in an exorcist. Yes, it has come to that.

Mail... UhOh! Now this one frightens me a lot!

Love...still have this one so things can't be all bad, right?

I noticed that with horses, there are a lot of great four letter words from our four legged friends...walk, trot, whoa, lope, back, slow, easy, see? Now there have been times when I have used some of those less accepted four letter words when riding but not usually. I also noticed that horses never lie to us. If they are going to do something evil they just out and out do it, like bucking or rearing, etc. They never tell us one thing and then do another. They leave that up to the humans in our lives. Are you by chance seeing a pattern here today? Thats right, someone I thought I could trust actually looked me right in the eye and lied to me. Well all right it was on the phone but still.

She said, "tell me whats wrong, I want to help". I fell for it and as soon as she hung up the phone, she used what I told her to start trouble between myself and someone I dearly love. A horse would never do that. Horses don't gossip, don't share secrets, do not betray your confidence, they don't pretend to be your friend and then make your life more difficult. I can tell you that when the exorcist is called, she will be one of the evil things that is forever removed from our lives but first I have a few four letter words for her that I will just keep to myself until the time is right because people like that tend to hang themselves without any help from anyone else and me, I prefer to keep my heart as pure as possible and concentrate on the love. The view from the back of my horse today is the four letter word and all of its many uses. Keep the bad words only in your head and keep the big haired women with way too much jewelry in your rear view mirror. Be true to your friends but stick to the four legged kind.

Blessings
Tena

Happy Memorial Day

2009-05-25T10:17:00.000-06:00

I GIVE MY LIFE
By Tena Bastian
www.tenabastian.com

I give my life for your life
I give my strength for your day today
My family goes on without me
So that yours can stand up and say...
I am proud to be an American
There is no other country where I would ever be
The sons and daughters, the sisters and brothers
Our sacrifice comes down to me
The soldier who fought for freedom
and the mother who sits alone
Holding in her hand, the letter
That says I did not make it home

I give my life for your life
I do this without regret
I only ask one thing of you
That none of you will ever forget
How priceless is this freedom
To young and old, rich and poor
That all of you live your life to it's fullest
And remember what were fighting for
Not just today but every day
Pause for a moment and bow your head
For those who stepped up and offered their service
And for the wounded and the dead.

I give my life for your life
As does every soldier in every war
On American soil or in a distant land
If I can ask just one thing more...
May God bless the wounded soldier
May he bless and keep those close to him now
May he watch over the ones who stand at arms
And help them find their way home somehow
May you keep them in your thoughts and prayers
May the fighting someday cease
Because I give my life for your life
But I also pray for peace.

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY. Please keep this going by forwarding it today to everyone in your life. In honor of those who fight for freedom and pray for peace, of their families who make the ultimate sacrifice, THANK YOU!

To See Her Ride Again

2009-05-17T03:19:00.000-06:00

To See Her Ride Again
By Tena Bastian

When she was ten years old, she decided to go compete at the State Fair and although we felt she was way out of her league; her father and I decided to support her in her effort. Jennifer was up before the sun and ready to work. Before my eyes were fully open, I could hear her running into my room dressed in her pajamas and cowboy boots begging me to get up and help her saddle her horse. She knew there were chores to do before riding but she didn’t care. She would run through the barn with flakes of hay and scoops of grain and she would brush her pony and stagger as she tried to maneuver the wheelbarrow down the long hallway of the barn so we could clean stalls. By the time most people were just getting out of bed, she had finished all of her chores and was in the arena riding her pony. It was summer and all I wanted to do was to sleep in.

It wasn’t always a good ride but she kept trying as she was determined to go to State and the only thing between her and her dream was to be good enough to qualify and she knew that would not be an easy task. There were days when she was frustrated because she couldn’t get Checkers to pick up the correct lead or give her a smooth transition but she kept trying. I remember one day in particular when she got angry, dismounted the pony and handed her to me. With arms crossed and a defiant look on her face she exclaimed, “I am not getting on that horse again and you can’t make me!”. Tears running down her cheeks, she stood there defiantly as I walked her horse to the gate. “WAIT!”, she said as she realized I had no intentions of making her ride. “Please wait!”, she begged. She would start again.

With a lot of work, Jennifer qualified for the State competition and we loaded her horse and headed to Columbus. She didn’t win, she didn’t even place in her class of 63 horses but she went. The following month at our county Fair, she took Grand Champion in her class and watching her ride to perfection made me cry with joy. Jennifer continued to ride for several years with every bit of enthusiasm until one day when she was about seventeen years old, things changed. I woke before she did, I had to fight to get her out of bed in the morning. Her little cowboy boots gathered dust in the corner as did her saddle and eventually she sold her horse that had replaced the pony that she rode to victory at Fair. Her personality began to change and she didn’t feel good most of the time. She struggled and we knew something was wrong.

After a lengthy hospital stay, the doctors confirmed our fears as they diagnosed her with Crohns disease, a debilitating disease of sometimes epic proportion that disrupts the immune system and for some unknown reason, begins by attacking the gastrointestinal system. It also leaves the body vulnerable to viruses, bacteria and even cancer. Jen slept a lot in the beginning and suffered from vomiting, diarrhea and weight loss. She barely had the strength to go to the barn much less ride anymore and missed so many college courses that she lost her scholarship and eventually had to stop attending all together. The initial hospital visit was followed by many others and the light in her eyes began to fade. The little girl who had lived to go to the barn, was now frail and sad and sick and slept all the time. The tears of joy that I had shed at the sight of her riding her pony had become tears of sadness and fear and they flowed more often than not. After a lot of research, we decided to drive her to Chicago to see a doctor who specialized in the disease and Jennifer would begin giving herself shots in her stomach that the doctor felt would get her back on track. The problem was that this medication along with the ones that accompanied it would not only suppress her immune system more but we were told that having children would not ever be likely. To Jennifer, this was not a priority at this point in her life however to me, the thought of it broke my heart. My daughters had brought me such joy in my life and the thought that she would never experience a ten year old in pajamas and cowboy boots jumping on her bed at the crack of dawn broke my heart beyond belief.

The medication worked and Jennifer experienced what they called a remission of sorts and we had such hope. She wasn’t strong enough to ride again but she smiled and she could stay awake for more than a couple hours a day. She met a guy and just as their relationship began to blossom, her father had a stroke, followed by another, then another. Then it was discovered that an infection was causing his strokes and apparently it had also infected his heart. Jennifer put the relationship on hold and instead, stayed by my side as her dad underwent two open heart surgeries to replace both valves and insert a pacemaker. For over a year, she stayed in remission and helped me care for her dad and one day, she reconnected with Mike, the young man she had met and they became very close during the time shortly after her fathers recovery. In October of the following year, two very important events occurred. Jennifer and Mike were married and Jennifer went out of remission. She was sick again and as I watched what should have been the best year of her life interrupted by constant hospital stays, my heart ached for both of them.

Her health worsened until one day after about twenty some hospital stays in one year, I decided to track down the doctor from Chicago who was now at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. I packed the car and drove Jen about ten hours to the Mayo clinic on donations from friends and credit cards. They admitted her. I only had enough money to stay for three days and get her settled in and then I had to drive home. It was the first time I ever had to walk away from her when she was sick and I cried through Minnesota, Wisconsin and Indiana before reaching the Ohio border. The further away I got from her, the more my heart broke. Her husband, who was dangerously close to losing his job because of all the time off he had taken during her illness, drove out to get her. That was three months ago and twice since, she has had to be admitted again.

We don’t know what the future holds at this point, none of us ever do but we are sure of one thing… wishes are horses. We have heard that said and we believe it to be true. For Jennifer and for her dad, their illnesses have not gotten the best of them and I believe that the horses in our life somehow keep things from going too far astray. Their love of horses keeps them strong and for me, they give me inner peace. If wishes are horses, my one wish now is to see her ride again. To somehow find an answer to this disease, a real cure. The doctors say that her dad can never ride again with the damage that has been done to his heart and on some level he has accepted that. I can’t tell you what I wouldn’t give to see Jennifer healthy and happy and beside me for just one more ride. To feel the way I did when I would hear those little cowboy boots come running into my bedroom to jump on my bed and beg me to get up so she could ride. I often think about those days in the first few minutes of the morning before I get out of bed and I listen for her but it is quiet. That pony is long gone as are most of the horses that graced our pasture back then. Jen is grown up and married and continues to fight this horrible disease but oh what I wouldn’t give to see her ride again.

Note: Read more about this family in an article by Holly Clanahan in the June issue of Americas Horse magazine.

But the Good News Is...

2009-05-14T11:45:00.002-06:00

Ok, so I didnt win the mega millions as I had planned but the good news is... it only cost me $1.00 to take a shot at it. After my last blog, I recieved an interesting phone call from a stranger from Nebraska who simply asked me "How do you do it?" I said "Do what?" "All of it!" she said. I laughed. She had been reading my blogs and had the skinny on the hectic mess our lives have become and she looked under contact on the web site and just picked up the phone and called me. It was a good conversation with a perfect stranger. Neither of us left with any more insight than we had when I answered the phone but it was just a good conversation between two horsewomen. Both mothers, both with a sense of humor and both needing a good laugh.

Here is the secret...no matter what happens in our lives, no matter how difficult or even totally bizzare in my case, things get, when you repeat it to anyone or even just go through it in your head, add "but the good news is..." to the end of each sentence. Then reach really deep inside yourself for something to follow. It doesnt have to be something as big as ...I won the mega millions jackpot or they found a miracle cure for cancer but it has to be something positive.

This is where hope comes in when everything else is falling apart around you. No matter what you lose or how bad things are going, you still have hope and if you remember to add that to your sentence and to your thought process, that hope is yours to keep and no one can take it away from you. So even the worst of situations hav e a light at the end of the tunnel that is not a train. Lets try it out, shall we?

I ran over a dog this morning but the good news is... it wasn't my dog!

See, that wasn't so difficult. Heres another.

I recieved a foreclosure notice in the mail today but the good news is... it was addressed to my neighbor.

Of course I am kidding but the point I am trying to make is that the only thing standing between myself and the nervous breakdown I so richly deserve is a sense of humor. That and any trace of a positive attitude I can manage to hold on to are mine to keep. Thanks for the call Anita, my new friend from Nebraska. Best of luck with your new foal.

The view from the back of my horse today is Anita and Holly Clanahan from Americas Horse magazine, this writers favorite writer. She has taken on the task of telling our story in the upcoming June issue of the magazine which will be in the mail in the next couple weeks. Life may be difficult right now but the good news is... I have people like Anita and Holly in my corner.

Blessings
Tena

How You Know When You're Having a Bad Day

2009-05-12T16:03:00.002-06:00

I bought a lottery ticket yesterday. Doesn't it just seem like there are some days that go so terribly wrong that you just feel as though the luck your having can only get better? That was yesterday. Jen admitted at the Cleveland clinic and doing yard work to keep my mind off it. It wasnt my turn to take her and in order for everyone to keep their sanity, you have to let others take turns.

So here I am with the weed wacker taking out some of my anger on those darn dandelions and I am covered in grass, still in my pajama pants and a yellow shirt. My hair being held back by my sunglasses. I am sweaty and dirty and I have to drive over and walk Jen's dog. "No one will see me" I think to myself as I drive the 15 or so miles to her house when my cell phone rings. It is my husband. "Honey, I can't feel my left arm, it's numb so I think I am going to the hospital", he says. Smart man. When you have his history of heart issues and two metal valves and a pacemaker keeping you alive, you dont ignore a numb left arm. So I tell him I will meet him there and head for the hospital. A different hospital, two hours from the one Jen is in. So I get there first and walk into a crowded waiting room full of people waiting to be seen and quietly walk up to the counter and say, "You have a possible heart attack walking through the door at any minute and he has two metal valves and a pacemaker and has had three strokes and two open heart surgeries". She takes notice and asks, "How old is he?" I say 50. She says "Pardon me?"

Bear arrives and he is calm but none too hapy about seeing the inside of another emergency room. They take him right back and the nurse comes in with a form. She says, "Any medical history?" Haha! All I can do is laugh because she has no idea so I begin. My daughter Dusty walks in and sits beside me. The list goes something like this...
Subacute Bacterial Endocardidis
Two back surgeries
Two cages and four metal screws
Three strokes
Open heart surgery
A second open heart surgery three months later
Two metal heart valves
A pacemaker
She says..."Is that all?"
I say..."Oh yeah, then he was struck by lightening"
Dusty chuckles and Bear is over getting an EKG. The nurse looks at us out of the corner of her eye and says "You're kidding right?" Like I havent heard this before.
"No, I am not kidding", I assure her. She continues the questions, the doctor comes in and says, "Are you kidding?" looking at the chart. "Nope".
We wait our several hours for tests and results and one room down, a young drug seeker is screaming obsenities at the top of her lungs. My cell phone has died so it is in the car charging. I am leaving a trail of grass everywhere I go and Bear still can't feel his arm. The results of the tests have come back and show nothing. Now keeping in mind that the tests showed nothing after each of the three strokes and he had a piece of infectious material sitting on his heart valve while pieces were breaking off, going through his bloodstream to his brain and causing the strokes. I am not reassured by the test results but they sent him home and said it was neurological. Possibly a pinched nerve but they dont know for sure. Uh oh, sleepless night coming. So covered in grass in my dirty clothes with my sunglasses holding my hair back, I walk into a carryout, dig out $1.00 in change which was about all I had and buy a chance at the mega millions jackpot. I have never bought one before in my life but after a day like this, my luck is bound to change.

Soooooo, the view from the back of my horse is the trail of grass I left behind and the look on the poor nurses face as Dusty and I recited the list to her. Here is to Bear who wonders if he willever feel his arm again. Here is to winning the mega millions and paying off some medical bills and getting caught up. Here is to someday being able to breathe and not having to worry. Heres to poor Jen who is back in the hospital for like the forty seventh time this year and here is to anyone who actually reads my ramblings here in this blog. It is excellent therapy. Last but not least, here is to the srug seeking screaming maniac girl at the hospital, may she find peace or at the very least some soap to wash out that foul mouth of hers.

Blessings
Tena

Same old song and dance

2009-05-08T11:42:00.001-06:00

Admitted Jen back in Cleveland Clinic. Prayers please?
Blessings
Tena

Open Letter To The Universe

2009-04-22T14:36:00.003-06:00

This is an open letter to the entire universe on this day, the day where I have been pushed beyond the limits of what I can take.

I am a mom, a wife and a horse woman which means basically that I am a force to be reckoned with and I am tired and my daughter is tired and in desperate need of one big collective prayer. You see, here we go again. Back to the hospital, back to being the vicitim of a horrible disease that has stolen the best years of her life. I am sure she can accept what it has done to her so far and move on and I am sure she can accept that she can't ever be a mom herself and maybe she can accept the fact that she worked so hard to help save her dad for all that time only to become the patient herself but enough is enough.

I can barely even look her in the eye anymore after five years of telling her that everything is going to be all right. I watch her throw up and not eat and get thinner and thinner and I just want to scream. She does NOT deserve this. She deserves to be healthy and happy and not have to spend these beautiful spring days in hospitals.

I swear that I would lay down my life to see her healthy and happy. I would give every penny I owned if I had any pennies left to continue to give them just to give her the life she deserves. I can say it is only money but when it is the thing that stands between her being healthy or being sick, the bill collectors dont see it that way. I am asking, no begging, pleading, praying that we see an end to this continuous nightmare of illness that this family has been through. If it is true that we put things out into the universe and they are heard, hear this... somehow, some way, we are not going to let this disease take her from us. Please everyone who reads this letter, help me put that thought out there so the universe will know that we are tired but not broken yet and we will not stop until she is healthy.

Just needed to vent, hope no one minds. The view from the back of my horse is the same as the one from the rear view mirror of the car, the Mayo clinic in Rochester Minnesota. We will see you again soon.

Blessings
Tena

Learning To Ask For Help

2009-04-21T11:24:00.004-06:00

Recently, my friend Laura and I had a conversation about the dilema my family has experienced. Its been a long road for us and most recently, my friend and web site devoloper Michelle, set up a family fund for us to help pay medical expenses.

Laura and Jeff are two of the most wonderful friends a person can have and they have been with us for many years through thick and thin. Laura answered Michelles call and donated money into the account that has been set up. It felt strange. Not because I didn't appreciate the help but rather because I have never asked for help before. As a horse person, I have always instructed people that if they need help with their horse, do not be afraid to ask for help and yet here I was, needing help and at the same time afraid to take it.

It has been a long hard road trying to stay on top of all that has happened to us by myself and there is such a relief in knowing that there are actually people who are willing to help.

I am struggling with the fact that it feels so much better to give than to recieveand yet here I am in a place deeper than I ever even thought possible and needing the help and questioning it and feeling uncomfortable about it. I owe Laura a huge appology and a great big thank you.

I love you for helping me and I love you for caring about all of us. You are a good friend more like a sister and I want to take a moment to thank everyone who has come to our aid and have cared enough to help.

I just got off the phone with my friend Holly from Americas Horse magazine who wrote a beautiful article about our experience and it will be in the June issue coming out in the middle of May. Thank you Holly, Michelle, Laura and every other friend who has my back right now. You are all the light at the end of the tunnel and on this cold windy Monday, you are the view from the back of my horse...I love you.

Blessings
Tena

Walking Away

2009-03-26T08:34:00.003-06:00

Mothers and daughters can sometimes be a difficult relationship. It has to be based on trust and love and respect and it has to be bonded together with a strength that can endure anything life throws at it.

I have two daughters and I would lay down my own life for either one of them. The decisions I have made in their lives may not have always been the best ones but each has been made with their best interest at heart. Today, my heart is heavy with worry about my youngest, Jennifer. Her Crohns disease has gotten the best of her so I made the decision to contact the best doctor I could find and drove her 10 or so hours to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester Minnesota. After a lengthy consultation, Dr. Kane decied that Jen needed to be admitted in St. Mary's hospital there. Financially, I had traveled there on a wing and a prayer along with a few donations from people who know what this family has been through lately. Jen and I went back to the hotel, dumped our suitcases and made her one good one out of what was still clean and admitted her.

Then came one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do...leave her there. I left her with clean clothes, the last of the money aside from the gas money that I needed to get home, kissed her goodbye and drove back to Ohio by myself because we couldnt afford the hotel and expenses to stay. I cried all the way through Minnesota and Wisconsin and part of Illinois. She was so strong and understood why I had to come home but I was jello. We had been awake most of the night before because she was so sick. Vomiting and crying and I was helpless to do anything about it.

I sit here this morning with such a heavy heart because it is totally out of my nature to walk away from anyone I love when they are in trouble. After my husband was diagnosed with his illness and he had three strokes, two back surgeries and two open heart surgeries, he barely survived and came out of it with two metal valves and a pacemaker. He was so sick that they wanted to put him in a rest home and it was Jennifer that spent months helping me take care of him so he could be home instead. Now she is so sick and I had to walk away. They say money is the root of all evil and today I feel that firsthand because it is keeping me from being with my daughter.

I have sold so many things and have had to make so many sacrifices to keep up and have worked so hard. I am tired and have run out of options. I want to be there but have to be here. I want our family to be given a repreive from this chaos of medical problems and most of all, I want to sleep knowing she is all right and this heavy weight to be lifted off our shoulders. She is not only my daughter but my friend and she is so sick that I barely recognize her anymore. She deserves a happy life with her new husband and her dog, Capone in their little apartment and she deserves to be healthy again. Walking away was impossible to do and all I really want is to walk away with her and have this nightmare behind us.

So the view from the back of my horse today is the Mayo clinic in Minnesota who is caring for Jennifer and I can tell you that the view is a long one because right now it seems a world away from me. Please send your prayers to them and to her until she is home again.
Thanks
Blessings
Tena

The Generosity of Horse People

2009-03-20T02:38:00.005-06:00

My heart is full and I am humbled by the generousity of horse people. I feel truly blessed to be in the midst of such good hearted people. Three years ago as some of you know, my husband Bear had a stroke followed by another and then another. It was discovered that a tooth infection had gone systemic and went to his heart, brain and spine. Next came an open heart surgery and then a second. Followed by expensive medical treatment and continued care. At 50 years old, he has two metal valves and a pacemaker as a result.

During this time, our daughter Jennifer who was diagnosed with Crohns disease became very ill. At one point, I had each of them in two seperate hospitals and was so tired and overwhelmed with medical bills. We sold almost everything we owned to stay on top of it. We continually recieved prayers and cards and letters and emotional support from this industry of loving caring horsepeople.

Recently, Jennifer's disease has gotten the best of her and she has spent weeks in the hospital only to be released and admitted again. Now I am getting ready to drive her 9 1/2 hours to the Mayo clinic looking for an end to this and I put out a call for help to anyone between us here in NW Ohio and Rochester Minnesota for a place to stay on the way if we get in trouble. What I recieved in return is so much more than I ever expected.

Phone calls, prayers and emails started to come in and our paypal account began growing slightly with small donations to help with the trip. $20 here and $5 there and suddenly for the first time in years, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders and did not feel alone in trying to get our lives back. I know how good I have felt helping other fellow horse people in their times of desperation and for the first time, I feel the love of those who want to help us and I can't tell you how good that feels.

We as horse people come from all walks of life, each of us with a story of our own and a struggle that we are faced with and yet when any one of us are in need, we come together as a family and love and support each other. I can not tell you the last time I wasn't frightened that I would lose it all and with it, my husband or my daughter. I can't tell you the last time I have been able to sleep through the night and wake up and not worry that it was my last day with them or that we would lose our house.

Through my books, I have shared our lives and have had the opportunity to meet a lot of you through emails that you sent or at book signings or seminars that I have given and a lot of you have become friends. I wrote a little collection of stories called The Horses We Love, The Lessons We Learn and have recieved emails from all over the world telling me how it has changed your lives and I am so grateful for each and every one.

Thank you for your friendship and thank you for your help and most of all thank you for allowing us to be part of this family of horse lovers that continue to welcome us and support us when we need it. I know that our struggle isn't even close to being over at this point but at least I don't feel alone in trying to make it all work out. Michelle, our friend and web site developer asked if she could put a donation button on the web site and my first thought was that the economy has really hit everyone so hard and my pride wouldn't allow it. Then I recieved an email from Lynne Wiser who said that people wanted to know where to go to help. I just want to ask for your continued prayers and emails and phone calls and letters that tell me that I have an entire equine world of support as we travel back and forth for treatment and continue to get our lives back on track.

To all of you that have cared enough to be there for me and my family, thank you from the bottom of my heart. May God bless you and your families for your caring spirit.

Love Tena
Note: A special fund has been set up for Tena and her family to help with medical bills. To learn more, go to http://www.tenabastian.com/contact2.htm

How The Mind Works

2009-03-01T05:01:00.003-07:00

Isn't it funny how the mind works. Don't get me wrong, I am happy mine works at all some days but during the most chaotic moments, my mind writes songs. Yep, I dont sing, or read or write music or even play an instrument but my mind writes entire songs with lyrics and everything. For Christmas, my hubby got me a keyboard and I found that if I sit at it, I can find the the right keys that create the melody. Interesting.

They are random. They have little or nothing to do with anything that is going on in my life. So this morning, I thought I would share with you the one that is currently in my head. It is really sad but has a haunting melody and is really pretty. It's called "Don't Leave Me Tonight". I hope you like it.

He was barely sixteen when she got the call
Coming home with some friends from a party
He lied to her and said that they would be at the mall
But he wasn't where he was supposed to be

She tried to be strong
while the other parents cried
Their babies were gone
But her son survived

Don't leave me tonight
Baby don't close your eyes
All the words left unspoken, the promises broken, nothing but lies

Tomorrow will come and go
and I'll be alone
My life will be shattered, nothing else matters
God, don't take him home.

She sits by his bed on a cold winter night
Snow falls outside the window
She knows in her heart that it won't be long
But she can't find the words to just let him go

She tries to be strong
To hold on to the past
But it won't be long
because he's fading so fast

Don't leave me tonight
Baby don't close your eyes
All the words left unspoken, the promises broken, nothing but lies

Tomorrow will come and go
and I'll be alone
My life will be shattered, nothing else matters
God don't take him home

They whisper and stare as she walks down the hall
They talk about the collision
But she doesn't care, for the rest of her life
She'll pay for someone elses bad decision

She tries to be strong
but he's barely alive
Still her words echo...
"Don't drink and drive"

Don't leave me tonight
Baby don't close your eyes
All the words left unspoken, the promises broken, nothing but lies

Tomorrow will come and go and I'll be alone
My life will be shattered, nothing else matters
God don't take him home

She sits by his bed on the fourth of July
Fireworks outside the window
She knows in her heart that it won't be long
But she can't find the words to just let him go

She tries to seperate
her anger from her fears
But he's not coming home...
It's been fifteen years

Don't leave me tonight
Baby don't close your eyes
All the words left unspoken, promises broken, nothing but lies

Tomorrow will come and go
and I'll be alone
My life will be shattered, nothing else matters
God don't take him home

Just a small sample of how the mind works. At least my mind. Somewhere in the back of my mind while I am busy with every day life, I compose songs, lots of them. My hubby loves one called The Famous song which is a funny tune about a girl that has big dreams but she is sitting in jail. Maybe that one is for another time. In the meantime, the message of this one I think is when you make a decision to drink and get behind the wheel, consider the impact of those you leave behind. Life and death isn't always black and white. There is a very grey area between life and death where the people you love suffer a lot. Sad but true. It's March...go saddle up your horse and go for a ride.

Blessings
Tena

Just A Cowboy Steven Bland

2009-02-23T02:40:00.004-07:00

In August of 2005, I sat in a hospital room where my husband Bear was gravely sick. A lot of you knew this but some of you did not. He had open heart surgery at 47 years old because his heart was infected from a tooth extraction. We were told at the time that it would be a miracle if he survived. After many agonizing months, we recieved our miracle. At the time, a name kept coming up inconversation with fellow horse people. Tootie Bland.

It would seem that she and her husband Steven did not recieve the same miracle and Steven passed away. My heart ached for her as it does still today and they were in my thoughts a lot. I didn't know them at the time, only heard her name cross the lips of so many people. Their situation mirrored ours in a lot of ways. Horse people, heart surgery, the men were the same age, and two women who loved their husbands dearly cherished every moment that we had with them.

There is a certain amount of guilt that comes with being a survivor when others were not as fortunate and I really felt compelled to reach out to this stranger but hesitated because my husband survived and hers did not. I could feel her pain although I had never met her because in that dark place between life and death, pain is too unbearable not to share.

Recently, I sent her an email because I couldn't get her out of my mind. I saw her name again in conjunction with an event called The Road To The Horse that was being planned for the middle of March. It wasn't so much the dates or even the event that caught my attention but rather the location. Franklin Tennessee.

The location in which the event was being held is actually minutes from the small cabin where I love to go to write. Marvin and Maryella's cabin. So as I said I finally reached out to Tootie in an email and she called me a week or so ago. We chatted for quite some time and shared our stories and the similarities in our lives and she couldn't have been nicer. Hearing her talk about Steven and their lives promted me to write a small tribute to their love for each other. She told me that he used to say that he was "Just A Cowboy". Her love for him tells me that he was so much more than that.

Steven will be inducted into the Texas Cowboy Hall of Fame next month and she has asked to use the tribute aspart of the celebration of his life and accomplishments. I am both honored and humbled by this. I dearly wish their ending would have been a happier one because she deserves many happy endings.

We have spoken a few times since via email and Bear and I will be with her at The Road To The Horse next month and give her the biggest hug ever! Her strength in the face of adversity deserves a place in the Hall of Fame aside her husbands name. Tootie, our love and respect to you and the memory of your Steven.

JUST A COWBOY
TRIBUTE TO STEVEN BLAND
By Tena Bastian

A man is judged by who he is
Not what he has done or where he has been
Not silver buckles, titles or trophies
But by those who love him and call him their friend.

A cowboy is judged by his character
By his ability to make a good decision
Not the height of his horse or the size of his spurs
That is not what makes him an American Tradition.

He said, “I’m just a cowboy”
Nothing more and nothing less
A man of his word who’s love and compassion
Measured his success.

Just A Cowboy lived his life
With love in his heart and a comforting smile
His accomplishments were many
He had grace and dignity and style.

Just A Cowboy loved a woman
With a heart so pure, she made him whole
She was the love of his life, his kindred spirit
One life, one love, one soul.

They rode the plains of Texas northwest of Abilene
Their mornings spent tending cattle and checking the fields of hay
A sky of blue and pastures green
Just A Cowboy led the way.

The road to the horse is a quiet one
With steady hands and a compassionate heart
Where a horse is never broken
But rather given a solid start.

They knew it wouldn’t be easy
Because nothing worth having ever was
But they believed in the strength of each other
In their faith, their abilities and their love.

They took the road less traveled
But they set their minds and stayed their course
El Camino Del Cabbalas
Welcome to The Road To The Horse.

He said “I’m just a cowboy”
And he lived his life with no regret
For the things they had accomplished
And the ones she ain’t done yet.

He will always be here in spirit
To comfort you, to catch you when you fall
To love you unconditionally
Because he is “Just A Cowboy” after all.

For Tootie with love

new snow, new book, new puppies and new baby

2009-01-14T12:38:00.003-07:00

Greetings fellow horse lovers.
My gosh, where has the time gone? Better question would be where is spring? I really can't take much more of these subzero temps and snow. I say that and yet it doesn't stop. It just keeps coming. Whats a girl gonna do besides hunker down and write a new book. Yep, started it today. More news to come soon.

The hubby is happy. We just found out that we are expecting our first litter of mini australian shepard pups in a week and a half. Vet says there are five or six. Can't wait. The male is a red and white tri and the female is a blue merle. Speaking of puppies, the neighbors had a baby boy! Now there is a really cute puppy. His name is Dominic and he is a doll. They all seem really happy so congrats to them.

So we had decided to go down to the Franklin, Tn. Bastian's house in March and spend some time in the cabin and then we hear that The Road To The Horse is that same weekend and it is in Franklin. Sounds like fun. Equine Affaire is just two weeks or so after so we are not sure we can swing both but will give it a shot. If anyone is going to either, give us a shout out between now and then. We would love to meet up with you.

Speaking of the Bastian cousins, our love and prayers go out to Marvin and Mary Ella as Marvin is having open heart surgery tomorrow morning. We know how hard that can be. So everyone keep them in your prayers. I gotta run and get chores done in the barn and kennel as Holly is calling from Americas Horse at 6 to do an interview for an article. More news on that to come as well.
Blessings and stay warm
Tena

The Holidays in Ohio

2008-12-29T10:49:00.002-07:00

Oh my goodness, has it really been three weeks since my last post? I didn't realize it until I started getting emails asking if everything was all right since I had not posted since the ninth. Sorry. Ohio had become one large ice skating rink until the other day when it turned 66 degrees and all of it melted.

Lets go back a few days to the ice skating rink. Our driveway is long and sits on a slight slope that starts with the highest point being the front door of the kennel. Traveling downward to the road, our driveway was a frozen waterslide. It was unavoidable with all the snow melting and freezing rain coming down in buckets. Add to these conditions an overzealous rather large dog who thinks he is a puppy, three adults and a teenager trying to get that puppy from the kennel to the awaiting truck in the driveway and what you have is an episode of the Three Stooges plus one. Thank goodness it melted and we can start over with the winter mess and possibly trade in the sleet and ice for some pretty fresh, clean snow. I know the horses were conspiring with each other about packing up and moving to greener pastures and I must say I would not have blamed them at all.

Well we shopped and wrapped and exchanged and unwrapped and ate and slept and watched old movies and went to Grandmas house like everyone does and we visited and came home and ate and slept some more. Sigh. Fun but tiring. I received two, no make that three very special gifts. One was a book that my older daughter had made for me and it is one of a kind. Photos of my dad and two poems I had written for him. The second was a 45 record, remember those? Rod Stewart which was the same record that my brother gave me for my birthday years ago. Jennifer even found a record player to play it on. Good memories attached to both and very thoughtful.

The third was an oar. Yep, I won a boat oar in the white elephant gift exchange. Funny! I am sure it will come in handy when I am up shit creek without a paddle. Now I have one. Any way, Merry Christmas to all of you and heres to a new, better year filled with hope, promise and more time out in the barn.

Blessings
Tena

The American Quarter Horse

2008-12-09T03:43:00.002-07:00

There is a saying in the industry that says "Friends don't let friends ride Arabs". Oh I am sure that each of us have our favorite breed and an Arabian is a perfectly good choice for some. My personal choice is an American Quarter Horse andhere are a few examples of why.

Riding in the Christmas parade one year with several friends, while stopped on Main street due to an approaching train, my gelding Teddy watches as the whistle blows and the ground seems to rumble beneath his feet. I look around at the other horses and realize that there is quite a menagerie of various breeds in attendance. As the train comes closer, three of the horses begin to prance. One actually backs up about twenty feet and nearly stops on top of the mini horse and cart just behind us. Another rears and the rider quickly dismounts. A third moves from side to side anxious and clearly not comfortable with the sound of the train. Two horses, mine and a sorrel mare lead the pack and stand quietly seemingly unaware of the chaos that is unfolding around us. Two Quarter Horses, Teddy and the sorrel mare hold their ground against the big iron horse that goes speeding down the tracks just a couple feet in front of us.

That is what I love about the Quarter Horse... they are rock solid when it comes to intense situations.

The other night, my husband was late coming home from work and I had been preparing a surprise steak dinner for him. I called him on his cell phone and told him I had a surprise for him and wanted to know if he would be home soon. He assured me he was at our corner and would be home in a matter of seconds. I put his New York strip on the plate, butter on the baked potato and a dab of sour cream and I watched out the window as his truck pulled up the driveway and he stopped about halfway to the house. The phone rang and it was him. He said. "Please tell me that my surprise is not the horses standing by the garage."
"WHAT?" I replied as I had just fed our crew and all were standing exactly where I had left them. I looked out the window and there in the driveway were two horses, a Paint horse and a pony with no halters. By the time we found the owners, a neighbor that lives a few houses down, it was quite dark and she was unable to come and retrieve them. My husband and our friend Sheri decided to walk the pair home with me following in the car so traffic could see them along the road. In the headlights, I watched as the two horses danced all over their handlers, struggling to get away and spooking over anything that moved.

I thought to myself, "I am a lucky woman to have horses that are better behaved and stay where I leave them, Quarter Horses that I can trust."

The truth is that a Quarter Horse is that one friend that we all have that has your back during the worst of times and makes the good times better because they are fun to be around. There is such a rich American history in their lineage and they have a work ethic that far outweighs that of any other breed. Now I may be bias considering they are my personal breed of choice but I can honestly tell you that the view from the back of my horse, my Quarter Horse, is a barn that is quiet and content enough that gaurantees me that the dogs will NEVER eat my steak dinner while I go fetch MY horses from a neighbors yard and walk them home.

We spent the evening eating rice while our dogs sighed a contented sigh with bellies full. "Friends don't let friends ride Arabs and smart people ride Quarter Horses.

Blessings
Tena

A Birthday Blessing

2008-11-20T10:10:00.003-07:00

Well, I made it over the hill to the other side of 50! Bear and I drove down to Nashville, Franklin and Leipers Fork Tennessee. We stayed with Marvin and Mary Ella Bastian or more specifically in their little cabin and we had a wonderful time. They treated us extremely well and we love them very much.

I had to share that I recieved a really special miracle while on our way home. As I said, I am missing my brother Joe terribly and this would be my first birthday without him. I always made him peanut butter cookies for his birthday so armed with the cookies, we stopped at every cool place we could find and we left a cookie. The highway patrol is probably wondering where all the cookies came from. I felt him with me a lot. Early in the morning when I woke, before I fell asleep and every moment in between. So we are in the gift shop in a Cracker Barrel restaurant waiting to be seated when a woman bumps into a rack of greeting cards next to me. She walked away and one card fell to the ground at my feet. I picked it up and the front said "Happy Birthday Sister"It was the perfect way to let me know he was with me. I love you Joe, thanks for the card.

The view from the back of my horse is the beautiful landscape of Tennessee and the pretty little cabin that sits on the hill in Franklin, what a perfect place!

Blessings
Tena

First Rides, Cousins and Cabins

2008-11-10T07:47:00.002-07:00

Good morning world!

It is 32 degrees here in Ohio and it is snowing light flakes. I am not a winter person, I am a summer person but this year, I will try and enjoy each day for what it is instead of counting down the days til summer rolls around again.

The other day, I told you about my frustrating work session with Hootie, the buckskin gelding. Well I called in reinforcements. I called in my friend Carolyn who also used to be one of my 4h kids years ago. See, she is younger and bounces instead of breaks and to be perfectly honest, I really hate the first ride. I love taking a horse that has had a rider on his back and perfecting everything from that point on. So after about an hour of the same nonsense he offered me, Carolyn sat down in the saddle and he dropped his head and said... "Ok, I get it now". That makes him my clean slate to apply our ten steps to a great horse. I hav e decided to document those ten steps for my next book.

Cousin Marvin and Mary Ella called from Nashville right as Bear and I were discussing what to do for my 50th. As I mentioned, these people had read my book, The Horses We Love The Lessons We Learn and called us one day. Their last name is the same as ours and even if we are not related, there is a definate connection. Well they took a revolutionary war era cabin that stands on their property and completely renovated it into a guest house. They invited us down to stay in it for the coming weekend, so we are leaving wednesday and coming home friday or saturday. We are excited. I will be waking on my 50th birthday in a cabin in the hills of Tennessee and I couldn't be more excited.

We spent the weekend clearing the trees from the pasture and burning leaves and branches and assessing the damage I did to the barn when the big cherry tree fell on it. We are thinking it is going to be about $750. Yikes! Again, let me say that it is amazing to me how little space trees taake up standing compared to falling and especially when they fall on your barn. Oh sigh, I can't wait to sit in the little cabin and reflect on what is important in that lesson. The view from the back of my horse will be much nicer than the mess out in the pasture.

Blessings
Tena

What is Important

2008-11-06T02:45:00.003-07:00

The view from the back of my horse today is what is important. In the worst of circumstances, the power to see the positive side of any situation.

My friend Shannon tied a horse to a gate, the horse spooked, dragging the gate and injuring himself and Shannon in the process. Shan has a broken back and pelvic bone, the horse had a few staples . Tying horses to moveable objects is never a great idea but what is important is that neither of them were killed.

As my 50th birthday approaches, I must admit that it bothers me because I really wanted to do something special to mark the occasion. Time and finances won't allow me to go on a cruise or have a big blowout party but I have a husband who tries to make me happy with smaller gestures and what is important is that I almost lost him once and the good Lord let me keep him on this earth a little bit longer and that is what is important. That he loves me enough to want to celebrate my birthday and he is here.

In training our gelding, Hootie, I have worked in the round pen for quite some time getting him over his fear of basically everything that frightens him. I was frustrated beyond belief because I have waited three years to be able to ride this horse that I have raised from the day he was born. Everytime I tried to put my foot in the stirrup, he would bolt. I grew tired and took a break but never left the round pen because I didn't want to end the session on a bad note. I sat on a barrel in the middle of the pen and something wonderful happened.

As I sat there, I looked around at a day that was perfect. It is Indian Summer here in Ohio and the temperatures are high and the sky was blue and leaves continue to fall creating a blanket of reds and yellows and oranges and it occurred to me that what was important here was that I have the ability to get this horse past this hump after years of working with horses. What is most important is that if I stop rushing the process and allow him to figure it out on his own time, I will have created a horse that I will enjoy for years to come.

As I sat there in my frustration admiring the beauty around me, he walked over to me as if to say "be patient, I am frightened and I need your guidance." I traced the lines around his eyes with my fingertips and stroked his beautiful black mane and just "visited"with him. Once I calmed down, he calmed down and the lesson continued. NO, today was not the day that I would take my first ride on his back but what was important was that it reminded me of why I love horses in the first place. I was reminded how fortunate I am to have them in my life and that the day will come when he is ready for this big step and I don't want to rush him. Something tells me that there may be six inches of snow on the ground before he comfortably accepts me as his rider and these frustrating days will have been forgotten but what is important now is patience.

In the darkest, most frustrating times, we have to remember what is important in life and cling to it. I sent Shannon a care package of halloween candy, magazines and other things and as the days of indian summer come to an end I will continue to patiently work with this horse as often as time allows and just enjoy it for what it is and remember what is important.

Blessings
Tena

Happy Holidays!

2008-11-02T03:33:00.003-07:00

I know, I too hate the holiday celebration coming so early but there is a reason for my madness. First of all let me tell you that I have stayed true to my suggesting in The Horses We Love that going trick or treating in full costume is good for the soul. I was an alien butterfly and collected 7.5 lbs of candy. I was attacked by a cat. My grandson and I laughed so hard that he is unlikely to ever forget that night. That is good for my soul! Don't forget how to play, people, it is what keeps us young.

Now to the reason that I mentioned the holidays. My buddy and awesome web designer is putting together a contest for all of you. Just go to our web page at either www.tenabastian.com or www.bearbackranch.com in about a week or so. Click on BOOKS and there is a free gift for you. Two audio chapters that I have recorded that you can click on for free. Then there is a link to enter to win a collection of the three books that are currently in book stores. Someone is going to win a signed copy of The Foal Is The Goal, The Horses We Love, TheLessons We Learn and Tips and Tidbits For The Horse Lover.

Bear and I wanted to give back to you for the holidays and for all the blessings that we recieve. On that note, I am going to be doing some Christian radio interviews over the holidays. I would love to do one in your area so please give me a call if you have a fav radio station that would like to participate.

One more note...Thanks to Holly Clanahan from America's Horse who will be doing a feature article on the books and the story behind the stories in reference to the nightmare that was occurring while writing the books. It is a story not to be missed with her expert writing skills. It will be months before it actually hits the pages of America's Horse but they have always supported us through the Sage Remarks page by quoting us 9 or 10 times over the past few years and we thank them for that.

So for the upcoming holidays, you are the view from the back of my horse. Get out and vote and enterfor your chance to win at our web site. As always, Blessings to you and yours this holiday season.
Tena

Friends, Favors and Falling Trees

2008-10-24T04:02:00.002-06:00

Wow! Almost November and I've realized that it has been over a month since I have posted on this blog. I appologize. Let's catch up!

I learned yesterday from Roxane Cerda, my editor that The Horses We Love, The Lessons We Learn is going into reprint and am very excited about it. My friend Biggun, Duane, has been really sick and in the hospital and our thoughts and prayers go out to him. Tommy in Columbus was out riding his horse with his wife and stopped talking suddenly, got down off the horse and dropped dead from an aneurism. Prayers to his family as he was only 46. Drove down to Congress and spent time with Jeff and Laura Stratton and the Murnan Road crew. Beautiful new babies, birthdays and beers. I love them and always have a great time down there. Speaking of birthdays, I turn the big 5 0 in three weeks! Yikes.

A funny thing happened yesterday that scared the hell out of me. Our good friend Rusty and his brother in law Kyle came overto take down some cherry trees in the pasture as a favor to us. ( So nice to have friends that you can call on now and again.) We just signed for a nice Ford F150, cherry red, for the hubby and have only had it a couple days. Rusty drives a smaller truck that got stuck trying to pull down one of the really big trees. Sooooo with hubby at work, I pulled his new truck into the pasture and the guys proceeded to tie ropes to it. I put it in gear and hit the gas. Just then, the two cute little boys in the truck with me started a conversation and I heard Rusty holler what sounded like "WHOA!" so I stopped. "Go, Go, Go!", he yelled. Oops!

Now to a horse person, go sounds a lot like whoa and I am sure you can see my confusion. The next sound I heard was a huge crash that seemed to echoe through the woods. All the horses in the next pasture scattered and I turned to see the huge tree on top of the run through shed. Again, oops! Apparently when I stopped, the tree shifted and fell in the wrong direction. The round pen lost a few rails and I can tell you that there is now a skylight in the roof of the shed.

Bear estimates that it is going to cost about $500 to fix it but if there is one thing I have learned is that things could always be worst. The truck is still in tact and no one was hurt. People are so much more important than things. Sheds are replaceable and people aren't. I guess I am just not good at things like falling trees and power tools (see earlier post about routing my finger to the bone and skin graft surgery) but I will keep trying. The view from the back of my horse shows me that trees take up way less space when they are standing upright instead of lying all over my pasture but I thank Rusty and Kyle for the favor and for being good friends and I hope that cherry wood keeps them warm all winter long.

P.S. I wonder if Caribou Barbie cuts down her own trees.

Blessings
Tena

If there is one thing I know, it is horses

2008-09-02T13:26:00.002-06:00

Sitting in my lawn chair at the corner of the arena watching a halter class, three people walk up and stand at the rail in front of me, blocking my view. Two men and a woman not aware that they are in my direct line of sight. I clear my throat. They don't move. The class is a large one and the judge is taking her time. I have already chosen a winnder in my mind and have placed the others according to what I like. For those of you that do not know, halter is based on the horse and more exactly on the confirmation of the horse. Anyhow, getting back to the people.

I decide to listen to them to kill time until the judge has made up her mind. The one man says "If there is one thing I know, it is horses". Interesting statement considering my experience has always been that the more we think we know them, the less we actually know because they will always surprise us. The woman asks, "What are they doing out there?" He answers, "This is a class where they see who is the prettiest horse". "Oh", she says. "Oh", I think. The second gentleman asks, "On what do they base their decision?" "Mostly on how well they are bathed and how nicely the owner is dressed." "Oh", he answers. "NO!", I think as I chuckle under my breath.

"The colorful ones always win", he adds. "Why aren't they riding the horses instead of leading them?" asks the woman. "Because it is early in the show and they haven't told the owners to saddle them up yet", he replies with confidence. The halter classes continue and finish leading into the showmanship classes. Now Showmanship is based on your ability to present your horse. There are specific rules of Showmanship such as squaring your horse up so that front legs are side by side as are the back ones. The handler doesn't actually touch the horse at anytime but rather holds the lead rope up and directs the horse using the pressure from the lead. They walk their horses up to the judge, trot past and stop. Pivot or turn, and line up in a row. At this point, the judge inspects each horse individually as the handler moves around the horse and positions themselves in an exact position that corresponds to where the judge is at any given time. If the judge is at the front of your horse, you stand on the opposite side, as they pass the shoulder of the horse to the back, you are on the same side as the judge. That said, the conversation goes something like this...

"Now why are the same people out there doing the same thing as the earlier classes?" He answers, "Because the judge gave them a second chance."
"Why are they moving around the horse this time?" He answers, "Because they forgot last time." Now I have never been this entertained by a class for as long as I can remember. There is just something ab out his clueless commentary that is adding spice to the classes. Still blocking everyones view and being totally oblivious to it, the woman asks, "So you know the names of all the colors and the breeds and classes and everything?" "Yep, it is really quite easy". "My trainer says I will be ready for Quarter Horse Congress by next year!" I am thinking, "maybe as a spectator".

The questions continued and the uninformed answers did as well until finally the epitomy of my entertainment came to a close when the woman asked the man "Hey, what is that color called?", pointing to a big grulla gelding in the arena. "That is called a cappucinno!" "it is a little darker than a sorrel". He says with all the confidence of a seasoned professional. Everyone within ear shot chuckled and I moved my chair elsewhere.

The view from the back of my horse is all the new people that believe if there is one thing they know, it is horses. If that is the one thing you know, you are in trouble because after all the years I have been involved with horses, if there is one thing I know, it is that none of ever know it all and when we don't, lets use our indoor voices to answer other peoples questions. Here's to you, cappacino boy, see ya at Congress.

Blessings
Tena

Tips and Tidbits

2008-08-29T06:16:00.002-06:00

Things have settled a bit since "stupid woman" mutalated her dead horse. Our neighbors just found out they are having a boy in January and we couldn't be more excited for them. Bear and I are getting ready to head to our county Fair this weekend and eat Fair food and drink margueritas at koolaid corner.

The view from my horse today is Horse and Rider magazine. Hereis why. The book, The Horses We Love, The Lessons We Learn has been doing really well and we arepleased. We have recieved emails and letters and phone calls from people all over the world who read it and liked it. Tips and Tidbits is agreat, fun little book thatcame out at the same time but has been a little slower to take off. Out of the blue, we started recieving several emails about it and wondered why. So one morning, I was reading my August issue of Horse and Rider, which I love, and there in little blue boxes now and then were quotes from the book. I called to thank them and spoke with a gal by the name of Erin in editorial and she was really nice. Hi Erin.

Horse and Rider has been around for several years and I think we have an entire closet dedicated to back issues. I hope to see them use references to all three books in the future and if you haven't read it, pick one up.

So off to Fair we go where there areless horses than in the past years but I am sure we will have fun just the same.

Blessings
Tena

The Lines are Blurred

2008-08-18T12:22:00.003-06:00

The lines are blurred these days between right and wrong and humane and cruel and I for one am mad as hell about it. Our government is seriously considering killing the wild mustangs in Nevada. Stupid, unappreciative politicians playing GOD again. Bad enough but expected. An incident happened the other day that just really makes me question how bad it has become. A while back, I told you about the neighbor with the horse that had the big gaping hole in his forehead that I was trying to hold together while the vet stapled it shut. It was the night my hubby Bear was struck by lightening in the same barn. The owner, a woman that we shall call "stupid woman" just so we don't want accidently insult her, refused to give the horse any meds after the incident because she believes only in natural care. The horse should have been put down several times since then and "stupid woman" has refused to do it. When the horse foundered because she trimmed the hooves too short and when it colicked and when it was literally covered in flies that were eating the horses flesh.

The horse died the other day and stupid woman called the neighbor to come help bury it. She believes it died during the night but she wasn't sure. She just knows it was dead when she went out to feed him breakfast at 11:00 am! She was a little busy apparently because she had just given birth to her second daughter in the garage. Yes I said given birth in the garage.

The man with the front end loader showed up and the neighbor stuck around to help. Stupid woman's husband was there so if it were me, I would have left but the neighbor stayed. Stupid woman requested that thee mane and tail be cut off the horse and they complied. Then she wanted them to cut off her beloved companions front legs! Ms. "ALL NATURAL" stupid woman thought that if she gave the front legs to someone for research, it would be helpful in figuring out why the horse foundered. Not neccesary! I can tell her the reason is that she trims her own hooves down to about 2 inches long and not very even at that. Well they complied as she went to take a nap because she was tired. (Giving birth in your garage is apparently really hard work).

The neighbor cut this poor horses front legs off and asked "where is the ice?" No one had any ice. No one considered at any point that the horse had laid out in the heat for several hours and the tissue was too dead to really do any useful research. So now we have a dead horse, two severed legs and stupid woman is taking a nap. Are ya with me so far? Good. Before the horse is buried, stupid woman decides to take her three year old out to say goodbye. As the neighbor recounts the details of this story to me through my husband who knows all too well how stupid stupid woman can be, I am devestated. I had nightmares all weekend.

So now it is monday and I check my messages only to find that one is from Stupid Woman with horse questions. My only thought is this... ask the questions before you mame and torture your horses and leave them standing there for months covered in flies and suffering. Maybe before you have the neighbor cut off his legs and keep them in your yard in 85 degrees for , my guess is, nothing. Taking direction from a crazy woman who gives birth to her children in the garage is never a good idea but calling me for any reason after you do something so incredibly inhumane and pshycotic is just not acceptable. Keep your questions or ask them before the horse actually dies because I have always said that the only stupid question is the one that goes unasked and you have proven me wrong. As for the wild horses in Nevadaa, easy solution really...the ranchers that want them dead so they don't graze on their land, give them a tax incentive to set aside a certain amount of land for grazing and stop playing God with God's creatures. Have the stallions gelded so the numbers stay down and don't let stupid woman anywhere near them.

I think you can guess who the view from my horse is today and you can probably guess that I am really angry. Oh yeah did I mention that one of her questions was about boarding horses at her place? Why on earth doesn't this county have a decent humane agent?

Blessings with a special blessing to the horse with no legs.

The FREE audio chapters (PODCAST)

2008-08-12T14:54:00.002-06:00

Wait for it... wait for it...be patient. To those of you that have emailed me asking where the free MP3 audio podcast chapters are, they are coming. Michelle is working her butt off trying to get them up on the site for you. So that would make her the view from my horse today. That's right, my buddy Michelle who works so hard to make this web site a nice one without ever asking for a singgle thing except patience is the view from my horse.

There will be two different chapters, the sad but favorite TEDDY chapter from The Horses We Love, The Lessons We Learn and a bonus chapter that I wrote after the book came out. Big Boy Money Can't Buy Everything. Both yours for the low low price of FREE! Keep checking back to the site people and don't forget to dump your cookies so you can see it. Then just enjoy these two chapters compliments of my publisher, myself and Michelle, the view from my horse.

Let us know how you like them.

Pretty little girls, puppies and podcasts

2008-08-08T12:17:00.003-06:00

Hey all,
It has been a crazy few days but I wanted to catch everyone up to date. Here is the recent view from my horse...First, pretty little girls...congratulations go out to Jake and LeAnn, Jeff and Laura Stratton's son and daughter in law on the birth of their daughter Avery. Awww, I can't wait to hold her. Papa Jeff and Nana Laura, congrats! You are grandparents and Jake and Leann will make wonderful parents.

Puppies! I am convinced that the only thing second to holding a new born baby is holding a puppy. We have taken care of a nice little mini aussie puppy by the name of Barney for a year when he arrived to us last May covered in ticks, skinny and with a broken rib. He is registered out the wazoo and now after all this, we get to find a lovely blue merle female and have puppies! The problem is that I am having trouble finding the perfect little girl for him. I thought I did from a woman who has way too many and was going to place one or two with me. Apparently though, she can't let go of even one. She is a collector and puppy collectors are like horse collectors, they end up with over 100 or so and the animals suffer. We will keep looking and keep an eye on this situation because I am really worried about it.

The podcast! Thanks to my publisher, Howell book house, a division of Wiley publishing and my wonderful web designer, Michelle, in the next few days, we will be offering you all a FREE, yes I said FREE audio version of the Teddy chapter from The Horses We Love The Lessons We Learn and a new bonus chapter called Big Boy, that is not even in the book because I just wrote it. We recorded the podcasts with me actually reading the chapter to you and it will be available to you as a gift beginning sometime the first of the week. Sooooooo watch for it, download it and enjoy it. Heres to pretty Avery, the female aussie we have yet to find and the free podcasted chapters for all of you. Cheers! Have a great week.
Blessings
Tena

Leading New Friends Down Old Paths

2008-08-03T13:25:00.002-06:00

Bear and I met two new people yesterday who recently moved here from North Carolina. Seems Shannon and Rusty purchased one of Beau's babies who is now 8 years old. Not exactly a baby anymore but any how! You all know how I tend to ramble. Shannon wanted to get into showing her new horse so I got into my closet and pulled out some show clothes for her. Some were new Wrangler clothes that Court sends me but a few were some of the items I wore when I showed. The heavy glitzy sequined jacket that we placed fourth at World wearing. It's the one that weighs about 15 lbs. Not exactly suitable for Oklahoma in July but I wore it anyway. I dusted off the cobwebs and gave it to Shannon and she seemed pleased. One jacket actually still had a number on the back of it from a show! I wonder how long that has been in there. It made me think about old friends and old horses and old times and I loved it.

I still see a lot of you at Fair and bump into a few of you here andthere but it isn't the same as staying up all night and waiting for foals to be born or getting lost in the park after a few beers and a trail ride, (you know who you are!) or team penning til 4 am and having to be up to get to a show the following morning. I miss those days. I wish Shannon and Rusty the best of luck with their horses and will be there to cheer them on but to those of you who I ahvent seen in a while, Bear and I still do koolaid corner at Fair during the speed show and there is a spot for you on the rail. Meet us there and chat a while. Especially to John Saeger, I promise not to lock you in the portapotty this year. To Joni Leathers, try and keep your horse INSIDE the arena and not on our laps, and to Paula Buehrer...page me to the entry booth if you need a marguerita. Love you guys!

Blessings
Tena

Brothers and Birthdays

2008-07-24T03:31:00.003-06:00

I panicked today. It was due to a realization that literally took my breath away. I am going to be 50 in November, I know it is still a few months away, and it honestly does not botherme turning 50. Here is the problem. I was born on the night of my big brothers birthday after midnight. So Joe was born on the 12th of November and I was born on the 13th. 5 years apart. For my whole life, he would hand over the birthday honors at exactly midnight.

It didn't matter where we were or even if we were together. When we were kids, he would wake me up to give me the "birthday" and as we grew older and lived hundreds of miles away from each other, he called me every year at exactly midnight. The phone would ring and it would be his friendly voice telling me "Happy Birthday Sis!" It was one of the few constants in my life. Now the big 50 one is coming and he won't call. You see, Joe died this year before our birthdays and I am feeling pretty lost without him. Even as he grew ill and was in a nursing home with several medical ailments, I would make peanut butter cookies and go spend our birthdays together.

I thought it might be easier to change my birthday to the fourth of July but it didnt work, everyone forgot in the chaos of my daughter being in the hospital and all things aside, it didnt feel right anyway. I miss Joe so much. He left us right after my dad died so it was a double whammy losing the two members of my family that I loved the most. I am not sure what to do for my birthday and am open to suggestions here. I just know that it will be so sad turning 50 without him.

So the view from my horse is birthdays and brothers and both were always prettycool until now. What I wouldn't do for that midnight call just one more year. I miss you Joe, you were the perfect brother and I wouldn't have shared my birthday with anyone else in the world. My birthday wish for you this year is that you are finally free of all the pain and riding your motorcycle through the back roads of heaven with Debby on the back. That you have hot fresh baked peanut cookies at your beck and call and that you show me a sign on my birthday this year that you are thinking abou me and still watching over me. I miss you buddy.

Blessings
Tena

The Kentucky Horse Park

2008-07-14T06:06:00.002-06:00

Good morning all,

It has been 12 years since Bear and I have been to the Kentucky Horse Park and I must say that we are ashamed that it has been so long. To have this wonderful, calming park filled with history of horses a mere five hours away and not to visit more often is a crime. We were invited to speak to the Bashkir Curly group down there friday and saturday and we met so many nice people both in the group as well as in the park itself. The gift shop is exquisite and the landscaping is perfectly maintained. If you havent been there, I suggest you plan a trip and if it has been a while, treat yourself to a day or maybe a weekend and just relax and see the many new displays.

The weather was beautiful and all the horses are well cared for and truly a sight to see. We went to the Living Legends barn early in the morning and watched as they bathed Cigar who is one of my personal favorites. We went on a hay ride through the park which is something we have not done before. What fun!

I want to thank the ABC resgisty for inviting us as well as the entire park staff for making our visit special. Pat and Tony for the wonderful compliments on my books which will soon be available in the gift shop and our friends Laura and Jeff Stratton for driving over from Columbus to spend some time with us. We love them very much.

So the view from the back of my horse today is the rolling hills and perfectly lined white fences of the Kentucky Horse Park. What a beautiful sight to see. Meet me in Kentucky because I will definately be going back soon.
Blessings
Tena

True Independance

2008-07-04T01:20:00.002-06:00

The view from the back of my horse on the fourth of July is the true meaning of independance. I have spent the week with one particular dog that is a sweet heart but LOVES to bark. She barks from the time she wakes up until the time she goes to sleep which is usually about an hour and then she barks again. She is a sweet dog and I really think she is cool but she barks and hascontinued to bark for eight days straight. She is hyper and has a spastic colon as a result of this so when there was blood in her stool, I put her in my car and took her to the vet. I realized I was out of gas so I stopped at the gas station, locked the doors so she would be safe, went in to pay and when I came out, she wouldn't let me back in my car. She thought I was a stranger trying to break into my own car and guess what, she barked! She goes home Saturday...independance!

The Toro company has decided to put a new deck on the tractor I was having trouble with and the dealer has had since Memorial Day. I can finally park the old Huskee that spews black smoke and hot air...independance!

We are leaving for Kentucky Thursday morning to present some seminars for the American Bashkir Curly national convention at the Kentucky Horse Park and I can sleep for five hours while my hubby drives. No phones, no barking, no mowing grass or weed wacking or any other every day chores...independance!

I am taking this weekend to get my stallion out and ride him because breeding season is over for the horses and I will have his full undivided attention! I havent had this since last fall. Just me and him and sunshine. Then I am going to float on a raft in the pool before the busy week ahead begins...independance!

I am going to be 50 soon but I am still independant enough to dress myself, feed myself, go to the bathroom by myself and do all the other things that don't yet require the help of another person! I am grateful that, I can tell you!

But all kidding aside, I want to thank every serviceman that has fought for our independance as a nation and every family member that has sacrificed a soldier we have lost in that fight whether they be a father, brother or son, a mother sister or daughter. So the view from the back of my horse is that brand spanking new red white and blue flag that I proudly hang each year on this day that honors them and reminds me never to take one breath of my independance for granted. The cost they have paid has been high and in exchange, we must never forget to thank them for that. Go out and buy a brand new flag and retire the old one and hang it proudly in their honor today. Make some noise in their honor and light up the sky with fireworks in their honor. Let freedom ring so loudly that they hear it all the way across the world where they dont know the meaning of the word independance. Raise some hell, my fellow Americans! Be grateful for our freedom and have a safe and enjoyable fourth of July.

Blessings
Tena

What a Silly Question!

2008-06-26T11:13:00.002-06:00

The horses graze on the back three acres which leaves the front 1 1/2 to 2 acres to mow. As I said, I am using a 15 year old MTD Huskee and the thing is just not enjoyable. I like mowing grass but not with this mower. It is 88 degrees and the mower blows hot air at you while you mow, it also spews out black smoke. The gas pedal is just far enough out of my reach that I have to twist at an angle to reach it and even then it only goes about 2 miles an hour.

So the thing about me is that I think life should be fun. If I have to do something that is not fun, I find ways to make it less boring. Hence the Mickey Mouse ears. Yep, I have still not gotten to go to Disneyland but when times get tough and I have to do a chore that I am not particulary looking forward to, I break out the ears and put them on. It adds humor to my life. My grandson got them for me when HE went to Disneyland.

So I am out mowing, ears in place when a black pickup truck pulls up and stops. "Excuse me", I hear from the truck. So I stop the mower. "My husband and I were driving by and noticed you are wearing Mickey Mouse ears to mow the grass, can I ask why?"I can hear her husband laughing from the driver seat. What a silly question. I smiled and thought to myself, "Tomorrow, you will be the view from my horse". I said "These ears?" Pointing to my big black ears. "Yes", she said. I simply answered..."Because I couldn't find my Elvis sunglasses." Her husband laughed louder and she simply said "Oh". I told her to have a nice day and continued mowing the grass.

Life is hard sometimes and you have to remind yourself to have fun with it regardless. If you have to stop your big black pickup and ask, you will never get it.
Blessings,
Tena

Cow Hunting

2008-06-24T06:55:00.002-06:00

I have never been a big fan of hunting. Yes, the obvious reasons apply however I really don't like the wild gamey taste of hunted meat. This especially applies to the taste of deer meat. My husbands aunt and uncle raise beefalo in Colorado. Beefalo are cattle bred to buffalo. They tell me it tastes really good but I have yet to see or taste proof of this. I know that horsemeat is a delicacy in several countries but eat a horse? NEVER!

The economy being what it is, I will admit that I really miss a good steak now and then. Give me a T-bone or a porterhouse with some Sweet Baby Rays barbecue sauce and I am in heaven. So this is what led to the conversation between myself, my husband and a couple of clients the other day. We decided that there ought to be open season on cows. Now I am just asking for one day. One day where it is legal to hunt cows. I am somewhat ashamed to admit that I would be the first one to pick up a gun and go sit in my neighbors pasture and bag me a freezer full of meat. I don't mean to sound cruel but come on, think about it. I couldn't hit the side of a big red barn with a rifle but sitting on a bale of hay along side of that pasture full of cows, I could probably eat steak for an entire season! Like shooting fish in a barrel.

Ok so cows are really cute. I get that, I do. But they taste good too. Ok, so I am a redneck and proud of it. Ok, so you might be a vegetarian and don't eat meat at all. Thats all right, you can eat a salad on the new open season on cows. It's just a suggestion and nothing more. The view from the back of my horse is the twenty acre pasture of cows nearby that slowly graze and soak up the sun and have no idea what I am suggesting. Tasty view. Stock up on Sweet Baby Rays!
Blessings
Tena

I just want to mow my grass!

2008-06-19T13:02:00.002-06:00

As you all well know, today is the third week of June. In the summer of 2006, I purchased a TORO LX460 riding lawnmower from D and R Equipment in Maumee, Ohio and it broke down shortly thereafter. They were very kind in coming to pick it up being I had my daughter and husband both in the hospital at the time. They fixed it and sent it back only to come get it again for the same issues. I mowed a couple times and put it up for the winter. Come spring of 2007, the deck would engage and disengage by itself. Very dangerous, right? It was also chewing up belts so they came and got it several times over the summer. I believe they have had my mower in their shop more hours than I have actually used it to mow grass. So guess where my mower is? You got it. D and R Equipment in Maumee!

This time it was engaging and disengaging at random and one of the blades went clean through a piece of metal causing it to break off and shoot across the yard where my grandson had just come out to tell me dinner was ready and missed him by inches. So I call Toro whom I have spoken to several times about the fact that there was a problem with the deck that was never recalled but apparently there was a kit to fix it. I pointed out the danger of metal pieces flying off and they proceeded to give me a lecture about having children nearby while mowing. Ok, good point, he should not have come outside while I was mowing but metal pieces flying off their mowers and blades engaging and disengaging at will is much more dangerous, right?

Liz from TORO tells me that I should not mow grass more than six inches long and their mowers are not designed to mow more than 1/2 acre. Their dealer knew that I had two acres to mow when he sold me the mower. Michael Hoffman, CEO of TORO, are you listening by chance? Well if you are, you're going to love this one. I am now told that because of the deck issue, I have to choose one level in which to mow my grass even though I purchased a mower with five levels. She told me that if she were me, she would sell the mower to someone else and let it be their problem. They even tried to tell me that my warranty has expired while it has been in the shop for almost a month now. Is this the way Toro takes care of their customers and stands behind their mowers? If so, I want a John Deere.

So as I said, D & R Equipment picks up the mower again on May 23 and since that time they have been telling me that they are "waiting for parts". It has been almost a month and they are still waiting for parts. Today, I call to see if the parts have come in and they answer their telephone, "YEAH!" with attitude and the most unprofessional manner that I have ever heard. Not becoming to a respected toro dealer. What is their answer to my same old question? You guessed it, waiting on parts. They have sold me a really bad mower, have attempted to fix it several times, have had it in their shop way too long and too many times, have tried to blame me for the problems, now both them and TORO are treating their customers with total disregard.

Mr. Michael Hoffman, Liz and every other person at Toro, you are the view from my horse today because I just want to mow my grass and it is getting too long to see anything other than from the back of a horse. In todays economy, I say we need to put our hard earned dollars in the pockets of those who appreciate it enough to treat us with common courtesy and let the rest of them just go out of business. I suggest we start with buying a John Deere from the Andersons or another competetor and the people who claim to know how to repair mowers, go back to mowing grass for a living. I have made 27 phone calls to date to Toro asking for help and I am still mowing my grass with a 15 year old huskee while my "new" mower is sitting in the shop.

I will give you all an update if this problem is ever resolved but for those of you in the market for a new mower, take my advice and pass on this mower, this company and this dealer. If you stop by, I might not be able to see you through the tall grass so whistle and I will come out and play marco/polo with you until I find you.
Blessings
Tena

The Bucket List

2008-06-14T20:32:00.002-06:00

I watched the movie The Bucket List and it got me thinking of where I would like to go before I die. If money were no object, here is where I would like to go. Any Sandals Beach Resort because they are so beautiful, I would like to walk the beaches of the outer banks in North Carolina, I would like to fly to Miami and rent a convertable and drive to Key West one more time and Disneyworld because Ive never been there. When my travels were over and my time was coming to an end, I would then like to lay in my own bed in the arms of the man I love and sleep. Oh if money were no object. Just a beautiful thought on a perfect summer night with a sky full of a million stars. Life is good and we have today.
Blessings
Tena

The Dragonfly

2008-06-12T07:42:00.002-06:00

There is a chapter in The Horses We Love The Lessons We Learn that tells a story of my childhood fear of dragonflies. This came about after my mother told me to be careful of them because they would sew my eyes and mouth shut.As a young girl, I found myself in a field with a torm approaching and dragonflies swooping everywhere around me and I was terrified. That was until a friend of my dads found me, rescued me and told me that they were spirits that watched over me and guided me through life.

I was reminded of this story early this morning when I went out to vaccum the pool. I created a garden near the pool with a small pond for the animals and insects to get a drink of water on hot days. This beautiful blue winged dragonfly decided that the swimming pool looked more refreshing and as a result, I found him lying on the surface of the water struggling to fly. His beautiful wings were wet and he couldn't take off. I got the skimmer and attempted to reach him and the harder I tried to rescue him, the more he fought me and the further he would drift out of my reach. He was frightened and in his fear, he resisted my help.

You can't help someone who is too frightened to help themselves.

Horses are fear and flee animals by nature. By this I mean their instinct tells them to flee from what they percieve as a threat. When they are frightened and in trouble such as when they are tangled in a fence or cast against a wall in their stall and can't get up, the fear takes over and often times when you try to help them, they panic.

You can't help someone who is too frightened to help themselves.

People are the same way in that we sometimes get ourselves into a bad situation and out of fear, we sometimes get in so deep that we can't find our way out. When someone tries to help, we panic and fight their help and we continue to get in even deeper. That dragonfly this morning reminded me of someone in my own life and I am sure each of you have tried to help someone that is in trouble. If this describes you, you are the view from the back of my horse today because I know how difficult that can be. Be patient, be persistant and no matter how hard they fight you, be there for them. Do make them accountable for their own recovery but try to lessen the fear. Do be honest with them in what you see but remind them that you love them. Do make them understand that you will be there no matter what but you can't do it for them.

You can't help someone who is too frightened to help themselves but you can be there when they stop struggling long enough to recognize that they need help and you are their soft place to fall.

I moved the dragonfly to the garden and when I went back an hour later to check on him, I was happy to see that he was no longer where I left him. He may have flown away and gotten out of his bad situation and there may come a day when he comes back to the pool and will drown because I wont be there to help him but for now, I was there. Be there for those you love and continue to rescue them if you can. We all need help sometimes.

Blessings
Tena

Swanton Storms

2008-06-10T07:30:00.002-06:00

The tornado warnings of friday night were incredibly frightening for me. As I explain in one of the stories in The Horses We Love, The Lessons We Learn, my family suffered a direct hit from a rather large tornado when I was quite young. The fear of that experience has stayed with me.

I have a routine. The sirens go off, I quickly gather all the animals in the house, my favorite blanket, a flashlight and my cell phone and sit on the bathroom floor. This has been my routine since we built this house 18 years ago. However, we have recently replaced the large sturdy tub with a standing glass shower. Now I am surrounded by glass and I am sure it isn't as safe as it once was. It is familiar to me so there is safety in familiarity regardless of how dumb it might be. So here is the thing. A new client was supposed to bring his dog at 3:00 in the afternoon. We close at 4:00 on friday but I waited. He was three doors down all day and never bothered to call to say he would be late. 6:00 rolls around and still no word. So I called a client on the waiting list and rented his run to them. Cut to 8:30 pm on a firday night and the tornado sirens are blaring and I am sitting in my safe place and my cell phone rings. Now he is telling me that he is a little late but would like to come now. I explain that is not an option and ask if he sees the funnel cloud in the field across the street that my hubby is describing to me. He says no. I say good bye and hang up the phone and he continued to call me back four times! I finally turned off the phone.

I am willing to go the extra mile for a client however this was about 20 miles and it had been a long week. I told him he could come in the morning at 8:30 when we opened and we would make some changes to accomodate him. He was a no show.

So after the friday night storms, I mowed the grass and finished yard work thinking that more rain was coming and the lawn would look wonderful for the entire week. Wrong! More storms blew through last night and mother nature decided that the large maple tree would look lovely on my fence, our big cherry would be better on the neighbors fence and our sassafras tree fit perfectly across our driveway. Trees take up less space when they are standing upright, don't they? So the view from the back of my horse (and the neighbors horses who were enjoying the leaves off the downed tree) is whomever invented the chainsaw because ours is going to be used a lot over the next few days. Oh happy days. I hope everyone survived the storms.

Blessings
Tena

The Triple Crown and Big Brown

2008-06-09T03:17:00.002-06:00

Like so many of you, I love horseracing. I always have but lately it seems that the tragedy that comes with the sport has been more at the center of our focus than the excitement. It has been so long since a horse has won the coveted Triple Crown which consists of The Preakness, The Kentucky Derby and the Belmont. It would have been nice to see Big Brown run his way into the history books but alas he fell short. He was beaten by a horse that in a previous race, was left 38 lengths behind when BigBrown passed him. It just goes to show us that nothing is a sure bet. I think in part, thats what makes the sport so appealing.

After Barbaros tragic death last year and then Eight Belles breaking both of her front legs and having to be euthanized, we now sit with a knot in our stomachs during a big race praying that these beautiful athletes come out of the race in one piece. Horses are no different than any other athlete in any other sport in that they give their all in their bid for a win and running is in their blood. Most owners and trainers truly love their horses and would never do anything to cause them harm but there are always some who would do anything to win. These are the ones that give racing a bad name. It isnt as though a horse breaking down on the track is a new thing, certainly not. It happens all the time however not all races are as publicized as the triple crown.

I am not a big fan of PETA and their radical tactics I will admit however that the sport needs to be monitored because it is driven by money and money makes some people do things that they would not normally do. From everything I seen, Big Brown ran a clean race and I was pleased to hear that he didnt lose due to any physical issues but the Belmont is the longest race of the three and he was just not up to the challenge in that sweltering heat. My admiration to the jockey for recognizing this and pulling up the horse to avoid injury.

So the view from the back of my horse is Big Brown and his jockey, both true athletes in every sense of the term. Maybe not the winners of the triple crown but winners in my eyes. What a race!

Blessings
Tena

America's Horse Magazine

2008-05-31T15:42:00.002-06:00

It is 121 feet from my barn to the mailbox and I must say that today was definately worth the trip. I was out brushing Hootie, the buckskin when the dogs alerted me that the mailman had come. The kennel blocks my view so like any horsewoman, I count on the dogs to alert me to anything.

As I am every month at this time, I was pleased to see the latest issue of America's Horse in my box. For those of you that don't have Quarter Horses (and I can't imagine why you wouldn't) it is the AQHA magazine that goes out to all members. To me, the best form of flattery is to be quoted from one of my books. To be quoted in the Sage Remarks section of this publication is something that I used to say I would give hell and half of Georgia for. The first time I actually saw that they decided that something I said was worth repeating, I was so excited that I showed everyone I knew including the horses who were impressed enough to try to eat the issue! The second time, I put the issue with the first one in a box of special things that I keep for Garrett, my grandson. The third time, I just smiled that smile and kept it to myself. Now I can't remember exactly how many times I have been honored with this distinction but today was the best one of them all. Here is why.

When I wrote Tips and Tidbits For The Horse Lover, I was on a deadline and needed just three more pieces of original wisdom to balance out the various categories and came up with the one they quoted at 3 am the morning of my deadline. I was quite proud of it and thought it was appropriate for all horse people whether they are smart enough to own a Quarter Horse or not. It says "You break your nose, you break a window, you break a promise - all of which prove to be a negative experience, so why would you break a horse? A horse is started on a journey of a lifetime of learning. He is your partner and once he is broken, you may never be able to fix him." It is to date, my personal favorite thing I have ever written. So the view from my horse is America's Horse magazine for choosing my little sage remark and priniting it in this months issue. Thanks!

Blessings
Tena

Harry Hughes memories

2008-05-26T03:35:00.002-06:00

Greetings,
Yesterday was a really nice day so Bear and I decided to take a run over to Harry Hughes Equestrian center and watch some of the fun show. We have spent most of our years together showing horses over there. In the past three years since dealing with his illness, we havent gone. Not much has changed aside from some new faces. Congrats to Grace Schumaker for a good ride. There are quite a few less faces and a lot of new ones. Back when I was on the board of directors there, we raised money to build a concession stand and it looks wonderful! Jen had just gotten released from the hospital so she and her hubby Mike met us there. Jen literally grew up at HH. We were reminded of a lot of good times back when our 4h group used to have our annual May fun show and all of the horses that we knew and loved and rode were still with us. In the book, The Horses We Love, The Lessons We Learn, I talk quite a bit about HH and the fun we had. Our economy has allowed less and less people to have the pleasure of a life with horses and it was evident by the attendance there yesterday. I for one am grateful that we raised our kids in that environment as they turned out pretty good adults as a result. I think we will just take the time from now on to stop by every weekend we can and say hello. I have missed it more than I even realized. The view from the back of my horse is Harry Hughes Equestrian Haven on Route 64 in Swanton. Free horse show every weekend, stop by and grab a hot dog from the pretty little concession stand and make it a good day.
Blessings
Tena

Ahhhh, summer!

2008-05-24T03:10:00.002-06:00

Greetings!
Well it is Memorial Day weekend which marks the unofficial first days of summer. The grass is finally green, the trees are no longer bare and the coldest, longest winter is finally behind us. Our summer started with a bang as our daughter Jen has been in thehospital again. Jen has Crohns disease and with the medication comes a depleted immune system which leads to infections. She was admitted to the same hospital in which I have lost my dad and my brother in thelast year and that makes it difficult to even walk in the front door. Even the most beautiful summer day turns ugly when I enter those doors. The good news is that she was released last night and today I plan on cooking on the grill, getting out my flip flops and tank tops, slowing down the pace of everyday tasks and enjoying the horses a bit more. I am looking forward to a book signing this month at TSC in Wauseon and then on to the Kentucky Horse Park to present some seminars for the Bashkir Curly association in July. In between, keep that sunshine and warm air coming and allow us to be outdoors more and NOT at the hospital. The view from the back of my horse is all of you that I havent seen in a while just stopping by the barn and kennel to say hello and visit.
Blessings
Tena

Working on the new kennel

2008-05-15T03:52:00.002-06:00

Here is hoping this workd. Ive enclosed a link to those of you that have asked how the building of the dog boarding kennel is going. We are not completely finsihed yet however we are almost there. For those of you that havent seen us lately and have wondered what we have been up to, here is the answer. The concrete was poured in the old barn last July and Bear and I have been working our fingers to the bone to finish it. In September, I was using a router (scarey power tool) and routed my index finger to the bone. Had to have skin graft surgery and after a long recovery, this is where we are with it. If by chance the link does not work, you can also go to aol video and type in Ohio kennel or Bear Back Ranch and kennel and get the video. The view from the back of my horse is all the months we worked and I for one can say that we are happy it is behind us and we can actually put the finishing touches on it and open! Yeah!
Blessings
Tena

Mothers Day

2008-05-11T02:53:00.002-06:00

I called my mother in law to invite her to a cookout at our place and she declined. She said she had issues with this day because it was just a day designed by the retail market to sell cards and gifts. Hmmm. At first, I had to agree with her but then I got to thinking, who cares! Whether it is a commercialized day created for whatever reason, it still has merit. Mothers still should have at least one day a year that honorsthehard work they do. I didnt want to celebrate the daybut rather celebrate who she is and all she has done where her children are concerned. I for one as a mother enjoy this day. My two girls and my husband and new son in law go out of their wayto cook me dinner and spend time with me and they bring me cards and I love it! I am celebrated by people who care about me. I am thanked for those sleepless nights when my kids were little and sick and I sat up with them all night. I am thanked for all the cookies I baked and the field trips I went on because the other parents were too busy. The lilacs are in bloom, the cold weather has finally left us and I cant think of a better reason to celebrate. So today, the view from the back of my horse are those capitalist card manufacturers that created a day just for us mothers because I would like to thank them for giving us a day of our own. Celebrate your mom today and go buy her a card. If you are a mom yourself, sit back and enjoy it. Happy Mothers Day.

Blessings
Tena

The More Things Change

2008-04-14T06:18:00.002-06:00

They say the more things change, the more they stay the same but after visiting Equine Affaire this weekend, it would seem the more things change, the more we miss the way they used to be.

Now I know that the economy is bad and we are all feeling it in every aspect of our lives. The days of disposable income are behind us for now. The housing market has all but bottomed out and the equine industry is feeling the brunt. But what I witnessed at Equine Affaire this year was the result of more than just the economic slump.

For those of you that have gone in years before, you remember the endless rows of beautiful stallions in the barn and the overflow of vendors in the third building. You remember the line of cars that stretched out onto the expressway and the friendly faces of the people in the office that work really hard to make it the best year ever. For me having been there with my stallion and then being a presenter for years, I remember my cell phone ringing as I arrive welcoming me and hearing the friendly voices of the familiar faces that I see every year. But this year, my phone was quiet. My husband and I walked into the barn to find a third of the stallions that usually grace the rows of the Gilligan barn. There was no long line of cars as we approached the Fairgrounds and even a lot of the vendors that have been there as long as we had, commented on the changes that have occurred and the lack of excitement that used to exist among the people that work with them to create such a huge event. Some of them have been replaced with new people while some may be tired and overworked, I can only guess as to why things have changed but the effects of these changes were evident in the turnout and the overall mood of everyone we spoke with.

I smiled and said hello to a gal that I have worked with in presenting my seminars and she passed me with no recognition. No, I was not a presenter this year however after six years of volunteering my time as a presenter at this event a "hello Tena" is not too much to ask. I also spoke to another presenter that has volunteered his time for seminars for as many years as I and he sighed and his comment was "things have changed. It isn't fresh anymore and if you are not on the agenda this year, you do not exist." This is a very well known, well respected trainer and former judge.

The view from my horse is Equine Affaire past and present and the difference between them. It would seem that when we come to having a seminar that explores the difference between stallions and mares, it is time for an infusion of new blood in the ranks. We need to fill the barns with laughter and excitement and beautiful horses as it used to be and so easily can be again. We need fresh ideas for seminars with imaginative names and more and more new and creative ideas for the youth. I have to ask... "What happened?"

On a bright note, the two new books were everywhere and we stopped to sign them between shopping and visiting with old friends. I was pleased to see how well they are doing. The Foal Is The Goal book was still everywhere we went as well. We are looking forward to a full summer of book signing events and seminars. So maybe change is inevitable but we have seen the possibilities of Equine Affaire and what it once was and I have to believe can be again. I have seen first hand how much work it takes to create an event such as this and would so like to see them continue to succeed. Here is to November and Massachusetts and a great show.

Blessings
Tena

Equine Affaire

2008-04-04T03:39:00.002-06:00

Greetings Bloggers,

Well I am still holding on to this upper respiratory infection but heading toward feeling better. Next weekend is Equine Affaire down in Columbus Ohio and we are excited to go. This will be our tenth year attending. Usually I give seminars while there however this year, I will be going for some fun. We stay with Jeff and Laura Stratton and they are the most fun a person can have. For those of you that have never been, you really should put it on your list. It is equal to Disneyworld for horse people.

The first year we went, it was in Dayton and the only person doing a demo was John Lyons. All the stallion stalls were inone room with the demo arena in the middle of the room. We used to sit on the top rails of our stalls to get the best view. Then it grew and was moved to the Columbus fairgrounds and occupies several buildings. When The Foal Is The Goal came out, I was asked to present seminars for them and it became so busy trying to do that and have our stallion there at the same time. So after six years of takinghorses, I walked out to the barn and asked the crew of horses, "Who wants to go to Equine Affaire?" No one raised a hoof so we went without them.

This year, we will visit with friends, see people we only get a chance to see once a year, sign a few books and party. My buddy Courtney from Wrangler will be coming up from North Carolina this year and it will be great to see her. The weather can be unpredictable and we have had everything from below zero temps with snow to tornado warnings over the years but the shopping and the food is always good. I sometimes miss being a presenter however life has gotten busy and it wastime to let someone else do it for a while. I've presented at the Columbus event about six years, I have also done California, Kentucky and finally attended Mass. last November. All were fun but none of them outdo the Ohio one. I will have books with me but will be moving around a lot so if you are there and looking for a book or just need one signed, call me on my cell and we will come meet you. (419) 392-4036. If you have a booth there and would like us to stop by and say hello, give us a call too.

The view from the back of my horse will be Columbus Ohio the 10th through the 13th of April. Hope to see you there.

Blessings
Tena

Spring Is Upon Us

2008-03-24T06:22:00.002-06:00

Spring is upon us. Years ago, my friend Lisa and I were in charge of the big spring blow out ad for the local newspaper advertising the paint that was on sale at the store where we worked. It became a joke between us that instead of coming up with something original, each year the ad began with that same tag line. It seemed to work and was quick and no one was the wiser.

The arrival of spring shows its signs different ways to different people. The first flower, the buds on the trees, the first robin, etc. For horse people however, the first signs of spring are things that most people would not even notice. The snow turns to mud and the slop in our pastures makes way to green grass. The fat that has kept our horses warm all winter turns to muscle before our very eyes as we struggle to lose our own fat that has come from riding less during the cold winter months. We pray for rain so the price of hay goes down and then we pray for less rain so the hay doesnt mold in the fields come bailing time. Longer days allow us to get more things done and we sit for hours cleaning and conditioning the endless leather goods that come with having horses in our lives. Breeding and foaling season make the excitement in the barn a never ending flurry of activity. All of these things signal the end of winter and the new hope of spring and at the top of the list is this.

SHEDDING! As the days get longer and the weather a little warmer, the challenge begins. We know that under that dull winter coat caked with mud is a shiny, smooth summer coat that is waiting to be found. We know it is there because when the horses lay down to roll, they leave behind a pile of hair that looks as though there is an extra horse in the pasture. Oh yes, we can cheat and cheat we do by double worming them in an effort to push the process. We can blanket them to sweat it out. We add supplements to their feed with the promise of a shiny coat but in the end we know that the answer is elbow grease. It is taking a rubber curry and a shedding blade and spending hours brushing them. That is the only way to find that summer coat. We know that most of that hair is going to end up covering our gloves and jackets and blowing across the round pen for the birds to collect and use in their nests. We find great joy when we get that rare day that is warm enough to pull out all the stops and actually bathe the horses because as they dry and the sun shines on them, we can actually see spots of the new coat. Still, there are patches of the old lighter coat that remain and the brushing becomes a challenge of getting rid of these mangey looking areas. Only then is spring truly here.

The view from the back of my horse is the cloud of hair that he leaves behind as he sheds out his winter coat and reminds me of the beautiful horse that I know and love. Spring is upon us, everyone and that means it is time to break out the curry brush and get busy. Don't even get me started on the time it is going to take to comb the knots out of that mane and tail!

Blessings
Tena

Cats, cousins and Contests

2008-03-19T13:27:00.002-06:00

Thanks Michelle for linking this blog to my site so I can share thoughts with those who come to visit. That said, I am dizzy today. No really, dizzier than usual because apparently I have a viral infection that has spread to my middle ear and glands. They have me on steroids for 10 days so this is the view from my horse while dizzy and on steroids! Lucky you.

Cats...
Yesterday, I ventured out to the barn to find an unnamed barn cat walking backwards. Ok, I know what you are thinking, steroids and dizzy...no! She was walking backwards and then running into the tree. Walking backwards and running into the barn. As I got closer, it became all too clear why she was acting dizzier than me. She had a JIF peanut butter jar covering her head. It was on there tight and as she breathed, the clear plastic grew cloudy from her breath and as she tried to breathe in, it would clear. I convinced her to allow me to pick her up but once I grabbed hold of the jar, all hell broke loose. It was on there really, really tight! She attacked me and actually drew blood so I let go of her. As she staggered into the corral to the neighbors house, I called for back up. Our dear friends Mary and Sherry next door who proceeded to catch the cat again and cut the peanut butter jar off her head. So the cat finally has a name...JARHEAD. I wonder if JIF knows about this. Life is wierd, moving on...

Cousins...
This morning I am sitting here with my mind racing and fever blaring when the phone rings. It is approximately 9am. A really friendly male voice on the other end informs me that he started reading one of my books at 3am and has just finished. His name was Marvin Bastian from Franklin Tennessee and he wanted to know if we were related. Now I suppose we are related somewhere down the pike but for the life of me, I cant figure out how. I am still trying to figure out why he was reading instead of sleeping. Bear and I visited Franklin once and felt right at home so maybe thats why. So Marvin was really nice and we talked for a long time and I hung up wondering if he realized how sick I was. More importantly, if I said anything to embarass myself, I appologize. So Marvin, even if we arent really cousins, I think we are now. We will meet ya in the little diner in Leapers Fork across the road from the General Lee car and the outside movie screen. Keep in touch cousin!

Contests...
Idle minds and steroids are a really bad combination. I mentioned in an earlier blog that Dove chocolates was holding a contest for the best expression of love phrase and the prize was a beautiful bracelet. Sitting here this morning in my jammies and hoodie with my tissues and the remote, I got a little bored. I have followed this contest for months. The reason is that I am a writer and I like to write slogans for fun. I have created an entire advertising campaign for Wendys and another for Harley Davidson. No really, the only difference is that I usually keep them to myself. I did share the one for Wendys with my friend Laura who works for Wendys but other than that, I keep them to myself. Ok, that is where the steriods come in. So I have been following this contest and going to the site every few days because I really, really want that bracelet! Today, I surf on over and guess what? It's gone. The site is there but the contest is gone, it's over! There is no list of winners and I havent been called to be told that my beautiful bracelet is on its way to me. Soooooo I pick up the phone and call the MARS company who makes Dove chocolates and I ask a simple question... "Who won the pretty bracelet in the contest?" She says "What contest?"

"What contest?!" Is she kidding? You know, the one that I grew obsessed with and entered and dreamed about winning. That contest, of course. So I proceed to tell this poor customer service rep the story of how my husband used to bring me Dove chocolates to tell me he loved me and how he almost died and had to have two open heart surgeries and had three strokes and two back surgeries and how much hell our life was and how I knew it was over and everything was all right because he brought me a Dove chocolate. I know, I know but I really loved that bracelet! If someone is going to hold a contest, they should at least tell us who won, right?

So anyway, Bear will be home soon to take away the phone I am sure. I feel like Poo, JARHEAD is free of the peanut butter jar, I have a new cousin named Marvin in Tennessee I still have a fever and I still have to take the steroids for another nine days and (I still have my cell phone.) Tee Hee. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. I am sick so if you are as bored as I am, pick up your phone and give me a call. Or better yet, call Dove and tell them I want my bracelet. Going to sleep now.
Blessings
Tena

Author Unknown

2008-02-14T12:20:00.001-07:00

Author Unknown
By
Tena Bastian

She is sitting in the hospital, waiting to be seen
Nine months pregnant and barely sixteen
When a voice in her head says “Take a deep breath”
And “pick up a magazine.”
She flips through the pages as she sits there alone
She wants to call her mother and ask if she can come home
When she comes across a letter there on the magazine page
That seems to be written by another young girl approximately her age.
It says…

Mama, I need your guidance
Because I don’t know what to do
I’m scared and alone and I want to come home
Because I feel safe with you.

Through her tears and her pain, as she reaches for her phone
She notices the letter is signed
Author Unknown.

She sits in her car in the parking lot as her world comes crashing down
She has been diagnosed with cancer, a tumor has been found
When a voice in her head says, “Take a deep breath”
And “turn the radio on”.
She flips through all of the channels as she sits there all alone.
She wants to call her husband and ask if he can come home
When she happens across a familiar song there on the radio
That seems to be written by another young woman with a long, long way to go
It says…

Honey, I need your guidance
Because I don’t know what to do
I’m scared and alone and I want to come home
Because I feel safe with you.

Through her tears and her pain, as she reaches for the phone
She notices the radio says
Author Unknown.

She is sitting with her mother on her very last day
She knows it won’t be long now as the seconds tick away
When a voice in her head says, “Take a deep breath”
And “listen to your mom”
She has something important to say to you and you need to hear it before she is gone
So she leans in ever closer as her mother struggles to speak
She takes her hand and kisses her as a tear rolls down her cheek
She says…

Lord, I need your guidance
Because I don’t know what to do
My daughter is scared but I want to come home
Because I feel safe with you

Please help her find the strength Lord, not to miss me when I am gone
It is at that moment that she realizes that it was HIS voice all along
The magazine, the radio, as she takes her final breath
Through the tears and the pain, he was always there from her birth until her death
When she was pregnant, when the tumor was found, every time she felt alone
It was God that loved her, that showed her the way
Until now HE was the
Author Unknown.

My Funny Valentine

2008-02-10T05:01:00.000-07:00

Valentines day is a day for lovers, right? Well yes but it is also a day for companies to exploit those men who are clueless as to what to get their girlfriends or wives so they look to commercials to decide. "He went to Jareds" or "What your girlfriend really wants is blah, blah blah!" Listen guys, I am going to clue you all in on something very important. The truth is that we dont know what we want. No really, it changes by the day and we dont have a clue what it is that we will want tomorrow so how the heck can these commercials know? I can tell you for sure what we dont want.

We dont want the following...
A teddy bear from Vermont that looks like us (creepy)
The same circle or heart pendant that everyone else is wearing (redundant)
Roses (expensive and lacks imagination)
Expensive jewelry (ok, that one is still a winner)
Lingerie (admit it, this is really a gift for you)

What we want is imagination, creativity and something that says you know us. My daughter wants a puppy. I want a break from this horrible winter weather with the sun on my face. Now that doesnt have to mean an expensive trip to the Bahamas, be creative. It could mean tanning visits, a night at a hotel with an indoor waterpark or a dinner in a summer themed restaurant. Do not listen to thecommercials, Ask her what she wants or just listen closely and follow the clues.

Dove chocolates is holding a contest for thebest sentimental saying for their wrappers. To give you an idea how much womens opinions vary, mine was "
Two hearts. With every beat,,,one love, one life."
Ok, sentimental, right? My eldest daughterwho is forever the smart ass and not sentimental at all teased me for entering at all with her entry of
"next time I do you better, k? Sorry."
It made me laugh in hysterics. I dont think she is going to win but funny just the same.

My point is that you all need to stop being so manipulated by these companies that try to convince you that what your girlfriend really wants is blah, blah blah. Step up to the plate and take a swing. If you strike out, at least she will remember that you tried. If that doesn't work, a puppy with a big red bow around his neck will always beg forgiveness.

So the view from the back of my horse today is that of the companies that try and take advantage of the poor saps that are willing to jump through any hoops to please their sweetheart. Shame on you for trying to put them in the dog house by telling them what women want with commercials I am sure were written by yet another clueless man. Hang in there guys, you will come up with something.

The Horses We Love The Lessons We Learn

2008-02-02T04:29:00.000-07:00

Now that I've gotten the most aggravating piece of garbage in our lives off my chest, its time to move on to horses. The title of this blog is the same as the title of one of my books. There is nothing so rewarding for an author as to walk into a book store and see a book that you wrote on the shelves for everyone to see. It sort of immortalizes who you are and leaves an imprint on the world that says "I was here and this is what I did". Out of the the three books on the shelves that I have written, this oneis near and dear to me for more reasons than one.

My dad, whom I loved with all my heart helped me with this book. We spent many hours on the phone recalling stories from my childhood, friends names, horses names, the details surrounding the tornado that took our house and sparked my true love of horses. He shared family photos with me that were used in the book and the entire time Wiley publishing was putting it together, I couldn't wait for my dadto see it finished and on the book store shelves. It was bittersweet because dad passed away in February of last year and the book hit the shelves the following September. It is dedicated to him and he never got the opportunity to see it.

I have recieved many emails from people who read the book and saw in it a connection to their own lives and shared their own stories with me. A short while back, I recieved one from a woman who ironically had a very similar story to ours in that her husband had suddenly become ill and she fought a similar battle. Her battle and ours ironically began on the same day. On the exact same day, we were both sitting in emergency room hospitals at different ends of the country fighting for our husbands lives. They lost their battle and her husband died.

Today the view from the back of my horse is of this woman and how brave she is in her basic survival after the loss of her best friend, her husband. Ive learned a lot from the horses we have met and loved over the years and also from the people I am fortunate enough to meet. The people that see my books on the shelves of a book store and purchase them. Not all of them send me emails or call me but I am sure glad this particular woman did. Our stories are so similar and hearing hers makes me feel fortunate that even through all of the hell that Dr. R put us through, my husband is here with me and God has given us the gift of one more day. Every day is another gift and another and another. Each one gives me one more chance to get it right by remembering to tell him that I love him or smile at the sound of his laughter and even get angry with him sometimes. The only thing that matters is that he is here today and it is all bonus time. Our friends think that he is immortal and tease us about it.

He has survived two back surgeries, three strokes, two open heart surgeries and three months after the last one, he stoodin a neighbors barn with about eight people around him and we all watched in horror as lightening struck the metal lead light he was holding. He survived unharmed after being struck by lightening. Immortal maybe but we never take it for granted. We know by all odds that he shouldn't still be here but he is and I than God for that.

As for this woman, one thing she said really struck a chord with me. She said that the love of her horse was what got her through her terrible ordeal. Horses have that ability because they are such gentle, loving creatures. They are not prejudice or judgemental. They do not hold a grudge and there is nothing so soothing as spending time with them in a quiet barn in the early morning or watching them play out in the pasture.

So again, the view from the back of my horse today is this woman and her strength. Know that I think about you all the time and wish you well. I admire your strength and I thank you for reminding me just how precious every day can be with the people that we love.

Blessings
Tena

The Cold Hard Truth

2008-01-30T05:23:00.000-07:00

I woke this morning to a wind chill of -30 and I have decided that I want spring. Ohio can be extremely cold this time of year and by now, I am sick of winter. I am sure my horses are equally ready for spring.

Speaking of cold, I wanted to elaborate on something I touched on briefly in my last post. That is the surgeon that placed the wrong sized valve in my husbands heart. There are many great doctors out there and I thank everyone who had a hand in his recovery. I have not talked about this publically until now but here is the cold hard truth.

The word "practice" as in medical practice is appropriate in the case of this doctor who we will refer to as Dr. R. Not because I am afraid to mention his full name because if you ask, I will gladly tell you but for the sake of space because his name is long. Now he has been practicing for over 40 years so you would think he would get it right. So Bear is in his second open heart surgery to repair his valves for a second time. I am holding in my hand an operative report that specifies that the original surgeon measured the area for a size 27 valve and states that he placed a 23. Too small. Of course a different surgeon is doing the repair. The reason for this is that he and the cardiologist have convinced us that the best thing to do is to get a different surgeon. It occurs to me that they have had access to this operative report that is just now coming to my attention. It has been on file at the hospital for months and no one has stepped up and said "Hey, we have a problem here." Instead, we are reassurred that he is getting better and now he is in congestive heart failure and might die. The cold hard truth is that covering up a mistake takes priority over the patients well being.

The surgery goes well and although we begin the painful process of recovery for a second time, he is alive and for that we are grateful. The view from the back of my horse is that of a surgeon who has long outlived his talent and should have retired long ago. The next thing I hear is that he is no longer practicing in our state, his partner has asked him to move out of the practice and ironically enough, rumor has it that he is back in his native Texas and will serve on an ethics commitee there. Ethics! Can you imagine? Now we could sue however our energy has to be placed on healing and recovering from this ordeal physically, emotionally and financially. I need closure of some kind so I contact the surgeon and ask him to meet me for lunch and he does. He flies in from Texas, meets me in a crowded restaurant at lunchtime. Now he doesn't know that our intentions are not to sue. I told him that he owed me some answers and he came and met me. He begins the conversation by claiming a typing error. I hand him two operative reports both taken from his own notes and each typed by different people. I inform him that if he attempts to lie to me any more than he already has, I will make a scene the likes of which he has never experienced and his story changes. In the time leading up to meeting, I discover that he is actually named in several lawsuits.

The point of the meeting is not to argue with this surgeon but rather to look into his eyes and tell him first hand what this ordeal has cost my family. The cold hard truth is that he made a mistake, a simple human error and rather than to fix it, he has covered it up with layers and layers of lies. As sad as it is, the cold hard truth is that this surgeon, at the time of the surgery was not even registered with the American Medical Association and as far as I know, could still be practicing medicine somewhere in Texas or even somewhere here in Ohio again. That is the reason for this post because the cold hard truth is that although there are qualified doctors practicing out there, the Dr. R's of the medical world are also out there. That said, if you are ever in the position of choosing a heart surgeon, or any surgeon for that matter, do your homework.

The view from the back of my horse allows me to see the ass in front of me but it also allows me to see an open path to a bright future and although there have been setbacks, we are moving on. Spring is just ahead and on cold nights when the wind howls through the trees, I thank God that I am safe and warm in my bed and the love of my life is alive and laying right there beside me. Listening to the ticking sound of his metal valves, I am reassured that the nightmare is over and I sleep.

Blessings
Tena

The View From The Back Of My Horse

2008-01-29T05:00:00.000-07:00

Greetings,

The view from the back of my horse is one that encompasses many different aspects of the world. It is my way of expressing opinions on issues that I find important, an opportunity to give you a look into my world, discussing the day to day life of someone who has really experienced a lot of joy and turmoil, highs and lows, success and failures and has come out on the other side, a better person. I write books. That is my job and I feel fortunate to have a job where I can sit aroundin my pajama pants and hoodies and do what I love to do. I do have bosses and I have people that depend on me so it is no different than any other job. I find it ironic the way people percieve an author. It is a common misconception that you write a book and you experience instant fame and fortune. This is truly not the case. It is hard work and determination and believing in yourself and your abilities. I will give you an example...

As part of my job as an author, I promote my books by appearing at book signings and equine events to present seminars and one particular one was Equine Affaire in Kentucky a few years ago. My husband Bear whom I love with all my heart was very sick. After a simple tooth extraction, it was discovered that an infection from the tooth had traveled to his heart, brain and spine resulting in three strokes, two back surgeries and an open heart surgery where they replaced his aortic and mitral valves with metal ones and gave him a pacemaker to which he depended on to make his heart beat at all. We were all very tired both physically and emotionally from the ordeal. He was home and in stable condition and I was under contract to go to Kentucky for three days. Our daughter and a visiting nurse convinced me that I had to go. We were heavily in debt and I needed to promote the book.

I cried on the plane which was a back up flight after I missed the first one, I cried on the drive to the event because I was there alone and wanted so badly to be home and finally managed to get there and get my act together and present my first seminar. Afterwards, I was sitting at a table with a stack of my books signing them and chatting with people when a woman came up and introduced herself. She bought a book and while I was signing it, she said "My goodness, it must be so glamorous to be an author and to be rich and famous, I wish I was you". Well let me tell you honestly, at that moment in my life, I wished she was me too. I wished that I could be anyone else in the world. Life was so incredibly bittersweet!

My point is that we tend to percieve people in the spotlight as having these perfect lives when their lives are just as normal and sometimes as difficult as our own. I returned from Kentucky and was scheduled to be in Massachusetts next. Bear was not getting better and despite the constant reassurance of many doctors, I knew my husband and I knew he was not getting better. I convinced him to allow me to take him to Cleveland clinic for a second opinion. They performed several tests and the result was that one of the valves that had been placed was too small and the tissue surrounding it was tearing away from the metal valve causing leakage of blood and he was in congestive heart failure. On the day we were supposed to board the plane to Massachusetts, we were once again sitting in the hospital while he was in a second open heart surgery. While we were waiting, I went to the records of the hospital and pulled a copy of the surgical report from the first open heart surgery. In the doctors statement, it described how he measured the area for a size 27 valve. Later in the report, it clearly states that he placed a size 23 valve. Too small!

The view from the back of my horse clearly showed me that this was a problem and as a result, I might lose the one person in my life that I loved beyond the boundaries of anything or anyone that was important to me. I couldn't breathe. We had been through so much and now it came down to one mistake that could cost him his life.

I will continue to share this and other stories such as this with you but I wanted to dedicate this first blog to the woman who "wished she was me". Be happy with who you are and what you do and know that beneath what seems like a perfect life is a life with as many ups and downs as you experience. Welcome to my blog and I hope you stay with me and follow me through my life as a wife, mother and author and that you enjoy the view from the back of my horse.

Blessings
Tena